Are there certain things from your childhood that you remember so vividly ... that you wonder why you remember them so well ... when there are other things that you cannot remember for the life of you?
When I was around 10 years old or so ... I remember waking up crying after having a bad dream that my parents were getting a divorce. My mom rushed into my room to comfort me and from what I can remember, to ensure me that she and my dad would never get divorced.
Well ... fast forward three years or so ... and they got divorced.
Why do I remember that dream so vividly? It is so bizarre.
*In no way, shape or form am I bringing this up to make my mother feel guilty. I totally get why it happened how it did ... and here is why ...
A couple days ago, I woke up in the morning to find Payton sleeping next to me ... knees in my back. A few minutes later, Mason crawled in my bed too ... although he didn't know I was awake.
He was sniffling. I figured he was just a little congested and thought to myself that I should get up and get him a kleenex. Next thing I knew, he was whispering, "Payton. Payton. Payton!"
I rolled over and told him to stop trying to wake his sister. And he started bawling ...
"But Mommy, I don't ever want to be an adult. I want to be a kid forever."
Completely confused ... and slightly worried as to where this was coming from ... I asked him what in the world he was talking about.
"I don't want to grow up. I don't want to be an adult. I want to be a kid forever." Through tears, he repeated this over and over and over again.
I told him to come to me and I held him. My heart was breaking for him, because I assumed he had just had a bad dream ... and it turns out those sniffles were a result of him crying.
I asked him, "What are you talking about, Mason? Did you have a bad dream?"
He nodded his head and said, "Yes."
I asked him what happened in his dream ... and he said, "You and Daddy died. Someone came into our house and killed you."
"Baby ... Mommy is right here and Daddy is at work. We are fine. Nothing is going to happen to us ... everything is okay."
And all during this conversation, memories of my conversation from my childhood flashed in my mind. Was I lying to Mason? What if something ever does happen to Kyle or I ... and Mason will always remember that I told him that nothing is going to happen to us.
But how ... in that moment ... could I have said, "Well son ... some day Mommy and Daddy will die ... blah blah blah." That would have sent him into further hysterics!
Ei yi yi ... parenting is a hard thing.
I realized later in the day that we had spent the night prior talking about Martin Luther King, Jr., who he was and how he died. Mason told us, "He was shot because people didn't like him."
I can only assume that Mason went to bed that night thinking about how people are shot in this world ... for many reasons. And how horrible I feel that he had that dream ... it really took a toll on him.
Yesterday, he told me, "Mommy, when I grow up, I don't ever want to drive because I don't want to crash Daddy's car. I just want Daddy to always drive me around." Knowing we were headed back to the I-don't-ever-want-to-be-an-adult conversation, I asked him to discuss his dream with me again. Same story.
"Mason, Mommy and Daddy will teach you how to drive. You will do great!"
He persisted in that he just wanted Daddy to drive him around forever. Sigh.
Love this kid to death ... and I will say it again ... parenting is a hard thing!
My most vivid memories are not good ones. The one dream that sticks in my mind is that there was a snake on my bed. And when I woke up I saw it plain as day. I screamed...or thought I did...but nobody came to check on me. I ran to my parent's room and told my mom about the snake on my bed, and she told me to go back to sleep. She couldn't be bothered with my snake. I went back to my room and turned on my light. There on my bed lay an article of clothing, kind of wrapped up and in the dark it had looked like a snake. I went back to bed with the light on, still afraid of the snake, but also angry that nobody would promise me there was no snake. What I would learn before too long was that not only could my mom not be bothered to deal with my snake, but she couldn't be bothered with a lot of things. I'm so thankful Mason has a mom who will listen to his sniffles at night, and tell him you'll always be there for him.ReplyDelete
awww...poor mason :( i still have bad dreams and you do wake up feeling like they are SO real! so glad he knew to come to you and that his mommy would be there to make it better :)ReplyDelete
Yes, it is! Their little brains are just absorbing so much, so quickly. And their fears are very real to them. They can't comprehend the future and how things change...growing up, etc. It's called pure innocence and don't you just wish you could keep them that way forever?ReplyDelete
Heart breaking. And sometimes these things come out of the blue. Jakob has bever witness fire in a bad way and yet the minute he hears the sirens he FREAKS out. He says before he goes to bed, "the fire isn't going to get me mommy." Is fear innevitable?ReplyDelete
What a sweet little boy! Someone told me once that around the age of 6 or 7 years old is when kids start to have more "fear" of the world and bad things that can happen. My daughter is 7 and she had bad dreams sometimes too. She has to read books at night to fall asleep. We go in and she has books all over her bed and the light on and she is fast asleep. I wish our kids never had to be scared.ReplyDelete
And can I just say again, your kids are all SO darling! I love your blog! I hope you don't mind me reading it.
Your post really hits home with me tonight. I wish I had the answer for you...but I'm as full of questions as you are. I spent the weekend with my sister in the hospital as she had a full hysterectomy.ReplyDelete
I recently had to have the conversation with my daughter who is now 8..about cancer. My sister has stage 4 breast cancer and while I wanted to keep it from my daughter for awhile while we learned to deal with our new reality...she overhead relatives talking and asked me point blank..."Is Auntie Marissa going to die". Ahhh, what do you say? You can't lie, but the truth hurts too much...and it's scary. It's scary for us, never mind when you are little child. I think all we can do is handle each situation with as much honestly as we feel they can handle...and raise them with the confidence, self esteem and security so IF something does happen, they know they were loved, understood and a treasure to us while we were here. Parenting sure is hard. I agree with Mason...I would like to stay a kid most days as well. Hugs!!!
You are right, parenting is tough! So sorry for this sad dream for your sweet little boy!ReplyDelete
Yes Parenting is tough but you do a wonderful job of it. What a sweat hearted little boy. I kindof wish I had someone to drive me around everywhere as well, like a chauffeur (sp). :-)ReplyDelete