Are there certain things from your childhood that you remember so vividly ... that you wonder why you remember them so well ... when there are other things that you cannot remember for the life of you?
When I was around 10 years old or so ... I remember waking up crying after having a bad dream that my parents were getting a divorce. My mom rushed into my room to comfort me and from what I can remember, to ensure me that she and my dad would never get divorced.
Well ... fast forward three years or so ... and they got divorced.
Why do I remember that dream so vividly? It is so bizarre.
*In no way, shape or form am I bringing this up to make my mother feel guilty. I totally get why it happened how it did ... and here is why ...
A couple days ago, I woke up in the morning to find Payton sleeping next to me ... knees in my back. A few minutes later, Mason crawled in my bed too ... although he didn't know I was awake.
He was sniffling. I figured he was just a little congested and thought to myself that I should get up and get him a kleenex. Next thing I knew, he was whispering, "Payton. Payton. Payton!"
I rolled over and told him to stop trying to wake his sister. And he started bawling ...
"But Mommy, I don't ever want to be an adult. I want to be a kid forever."
Completely confused ... and slightly worried as to where this was coming from ... I asked him what in the world he was talking about.
"I don't want to grow up. I don't want to be an adult. I want to be a kid forever." Through tears, he repeated this over and over and over again.
I told him to come to me and I held him. My heart was breaking for him, because I assumed he had just had a bad dream ... and it turns out those sniffles were a result of him crying.
I asked him, "What are you talking about, Mason? Did you have a bad dream?"
He nodded his head and said, "Yes."
I asked him what happened in his dream ... and he said, "You and Daddy died. Someone came into our house and killed you."
"Baby ... Mommy is right here and Daddy is at work. We are fine. Nothing is going to happen to us ... everything is okay."
And all during this conversation, memories of my conversation from my childhood flashed in my mind. Was I lying to Mason? What if something ever does happen to Kyle or I ... and Mason will always remember that I told him that nothing is going to happen to us.
But how ... in that moment ... could I have said, "Well son ... some day Mommy and Daddy will die ... blah blah blah." That would have sent him into further hysterics!
Ei yi yi ... parenting is a hard thing.
I realized later in the day that we had spent the night prior talking about Martin Luther King, Jr., who he was and how he died. Mason told us, "He was shot because people didn't like him."
I can only assume that Mason went to bed that night thinking about how people are shot in this world ... for many reasons. And how horrible I feel that he had that dream ... it really took a toll on him.
Yesterday, he told me, "Mommy, when I grow up, I don't ever want to drive because I don't want to crash Daddy's car. I just want Daddy to always drive me around." Knowing we were headed back to the I-don't-ever-want-to-be-an-adult conversation, I asked him to discuss his dream with me again. Same story.
"Mason, Mommy and Daddy will teach you how to drive. You will do great!"
He persisted in that he just wanted Daddy to drive him around forever. Sigh.
Love this kid to death ... and I will say it again ... parenting is a hard thing!