Sunday, January 30, 2011

Please pray.

type type type. backspace backspace backspace.

I am here to ask for your prayers.

I have not been sure whether or not to put myself out there like this. But I have decided that I will. Because this is something that is weighing heavily on me. Because this is part of who we are. Because this is part of who so many people are.

Kyle and I have decided that we would like to have a baby. One problem ... we cannot just knock boots to make that happen.

The amount of stress ... anxiety ... emotion that infertility causes is dreadful. Unless you have experienced infertility, I'm not sure you ever really can understand what it is like to want a baby so badly ... but not be able to do a damn thing about it.  

Mason and Payton were both conceived through in vetro fertilization. This was after several years of trying the old fashioned way, taking Clomid and then going through four failed intrauterine inseminations. We were sure that each step we took was going to be it ... we were going to get pregnant.

Nada. Nil. Nothing.

To experience the big.fat.negative. month after month for years ... I can't even explain how it wears on a person's soul.

Until we moved on to in vetro fertilization. We were blessed with great insurance at the time, allowing us to financially afford to be able to do it. Not anymore ... no more coverage for fertility treatments. That sucks.

So for now ... we have one chance. One really small chance. 

When we went through treatment for Payton, we had a total of four blastocysts that made it to day five. Two were transferred ... one took. And that is my most perfect baby girl ever.

So we had two left over ... Payton's fraternal triplets, in essence. We froze them. They have been frozen for almost six years now. And the catch is that they were froze under ancient methods ... apparently. That sucks. We are told that our ultimate odds of having a baby from these two frozen blasts is 30%.

30% ... that is not ideal.

We have been doing injections ... or maybe I should clarify that *I* have been receiving injections. Ha. And Tuesday is the big day.

Tuesday we will find out whether or not our blastocysts can survive thawing. Step one. And I have to be honest and say that I am not prepared to have the thawing fail. I need to at least get the chance to have this work.

Step two. Both blasts will be transferred and in a couple weeks ... we will know whether or not it worked.

Gosh, please pray. This has to work. We cannot afford to begin a fresh cycle right now ... and we are so ready for this. We have waited until Addison was well adjusted into our family and until we knew that our bond with her was strong. The time has come.

Please pray.

63 comments:

  1. Prayers for you...I have been there and also have one little day five tot frozen and waiting. Sending you love, prayers, and faith that all will work out.

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  2. Love you mama! I have been praying and will continue to do so.

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  3. Praying for you all...and pray that it works

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  4. You have my prayers, B. Best wishes and look forward to hearing your positive news. :)

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  5. I WILL hold you in prayer... I think this is wonderful and I pray that it works. Imagine, more beautiful Balsis babies to fall in love with!!! *smiling*

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  6. We will keep you in our prayers, what a blessed baby this will be to come into you wonderful family! Best wishes

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  7. You and Kyle most definitely have my prayers. Hugs for both of you!

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  8. We will for sure pray! I really can sympathize with you, years of trying, miscarriages, clinic......nothing worked. But I am not giving up hope that it won,t again, after all this adoption journey. I hope sooooobady that it works!!!! Keep us posted!

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  9. Oh, wow! Many many prayers for you!! Peace and patience :)

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  10. Praying, praying, praying! How exciting, and stressful, and everything else...

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  11. Sending love and prayers your way Bethany.Loads of them.

    My girlfriend has twins through in-vitro.They are 8.They too had 2 left over.Three years ago,five years after their girls were born,they gave birth to a beautiful,little boy,Matthew,which means gift from God and boy is he ever!

    You keep the faith girl and we'll send prayers and good vibes your way.

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  12. Praying for you Bethany! I have been struggling with my decision to have my tubes tied ten years ago. That third baby I never wanted? Yep, I wanted a baby now. :-( Hard, especially with three friends pregnant right now! I will pray the procedure takes and that soon you will be announcing you bundle, or bundles, of joy are on the way!

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  13. Here's praying that when you come out here in March, that you are pregnant!!! I can only imagine how much hope you are putting into this and I really hope it works. I think it is good that you shared this so you can have a ton of support and many prayers sent up for you.

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  14. OH MY GOODNESS! Just saw your post title run through my FB feed and I just had a feeling that this is what you were posting about.... Bethany, huge prayers over here for you because I know how you feel... I know we have emailed about this in the past and shared with you that Reid too was an invitro baby... my perfect meant to be here baby.

    My prayers are that "they will thaw perfectly", that you would feel absolutely peaceful and not anxious, and that you can absolutely stay on bed rest and just let these guys nestle on in!! ;) ...and I am going to throw in a prayer that we could BOTH get pregnant this month as we are "getting sister out of the freezer" at the end of this month as well. Don't actually know if it is a sister but that is what we lovingly call our last blast. ;)

    As of late I have been reminding myself that statistics mean nothing to God...if this is meant to be the chances are 100%. Our infertility specialist told me that they have seen so many different scenarios work when the percentages were crazy against them... I smiled inside because to me that sounds like God doing some crazy fun stuff!

    Sending a sincerely big hug over to you! xoxo
    Cheri

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  15. You sweet girl....YES, I will pray that God will bless you with a beautiful 4th baby. You are such a great mama!!!

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  16. Praying for you and any sweet babies that may be coming.

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  17. Oh you precious woman you! I am praying on bended knees for you and Kyle and the kids. PRAYING my dear friend!!!!! Thank you for reaching out and allowing us to support you this way!

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  18. Praying for you and both of these babies!

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  19. Praying praying praying here!!!! I wasn't done after I had Angela, and was forced to have a hysterectomy. I was NOT DONE!!! I was so upset about that. And here we waited 14 more years before we could adopt. But really, if I could get pregnant now, I SO WOULD!! Praying those little guys thaw perfectly!

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  20. Sending many many prayers your way - and hoping for a little brother for Mason ;)

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  21. we have been there and done that. it is so hard to see the negative sign in the window after going through all the injections, praying, and stress. I am praying for all to work out for the Glory of God. May HE receive praise for how things turn out. I will specifically pray that the "blast" will work and that God will bless you with great success.

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  22. Wow, Bethany! Thank you so much for trusting us to pray for you. I will be praying here in Oregon.
    -Danielle
    www.foreverbetter.blogspot.com

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  23. Hi I'm Dena -
    Read your blog - loved it - love what you guys are doing for these precious children! =) Just want you to know I am praying for you!! God's timing is awesome & I know He will honor you for what you guys are doing!!!
    Love & Prayers from California,
    Dena =)

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  24. What an exciting, nerve wrecking, thrilling, yet scary time and I will DEFINITELY be praying for you guys! ((Hugs))

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  25. You certainly have my prayers too!!!!!!

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  26. Praying, Bethany. I had done 8 shots of Lupron when we found out that I was already pregnant... with Micah (since you've gone through the process, you know the significance... all that testing, u/s, etc. was done just a day or two too early). It was a God thing... He wanted us to have MICAH! And He knows the next child to enter your family too.
    Thank you for sharing!

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  27. I have been though two embryo transfers after a failed IVF and I know the fear. Just take it easy and take heart. You'll be in my thoughts a prayers.

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  28. OMGoodness of course I'll pray! This is huge!

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  29. I teared up reading this Bethany as I know the pain of infertility. You are so brave and strong. I hope beyond all hopes that this works. You are a wonderful mother, what a lucky little baby/babies to be born into your family. I love that you're sharing this as prayer works, soooo, I'm praying BIG TIME that this works for you all my friend!!!

    Hugs,
    Renee

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  30. First, I'm so excited for you and this decision!! Second, I am most definitely praying for you Bethany.

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  31. Praying for you!

    Michelle Enskat
    www.allabouttheenskats.blogspot.com

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  32. You know we are praying for you! Love you both.

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  33. Bethany-Hello! Please know that we are praying here for you and Kyle and the entire family!!

    Nicole M
    mommy to Ethan and Aidan

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  34. Lots of prayers for a successful transfer! The pain of infertility never goes away and you're right unless someone's been there they just don't understand. Sending, sticky baby vibes your way!!!

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  35. this is so exciting! sending prayers from tennessee :)

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  36. Lots of prayers coming from Boston Bethany:) I know EXACTLY what you are feeling and going thru. Tried every form of infertility treatment until we did IVF 3 times. No luck for us......but from that came our 2 gorgeous, amazing daughters(now 16 and 13) thru adoption:)

    You are in my thoughts and prayers......

    Susan from Boston
    susan@karalias.com

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  37. Sending prayers your way...I have watched close friends go through the same thing and I can only imagine how hard it is...Blessings.

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  38. a new little visitor here, from common visits to places that warm the heart {kelle}.

    you can count on my prayers being added to the list. above all, that you are given air to breathe throughout the process of "hurry up and wait, pray, then hurry up and wait some more". may the anxiety not hold any unnecessary weight upon your heart.

    big love.

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  39. So excited for you, sending prayers your way.

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  40. Sending many prayers your way and really hoping it works!

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  41. Will most certainly keep you all in my prayers! You have so much love to give...God knows that!

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  42. Prayers for you and your family!!!

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  43. I am saying a prayer for you and your family. May it be God's will that you conceive another child.

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  44. Sending prayers up for you tonight!

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  45. Prayers for your family, and the two little beings waiting to be born. Michelle n ciarra

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  46. I'm so glad that you put yourself out there Bethany!! That's why we are all here........to share & SUPPORT!! Many, many prayers are heading your way......good luck tomorrow!!! Thinking of you all:)

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  47. I'm glad you decided to share this with us so we could all be praying for you!! Praying praying praying for everything to fall into place, for the thawing and transfer to go smoothly! And of course for that transfer to turn in to a BFP! Keeping toes and fingers crossed too.

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  48. You and your family are in my prayers! Your children are all beautiful. I love keeping up with your blog.
    Tonya
    www.thelittleholts.blogspot.com

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  49. Sending lots of prayers and good wishes your way! I can't imagine how stressful that is for you! keep us updated...

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  50. Prayers being sent your way... this... is huge my friend.

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  51. Thinking of you, Bethany! xoxo

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  52. Praying... You have a way of making things happen. Stress free my friend, go for a massage and pedicure ;-)Hugs and Rubs...

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  53. Bethany-Hello! Just wanted to let you know that I am thinking about you today and you are in my prayers! Sending lots of hugs to you today!!

    Nicole
    mommy to Ethan and Aidan

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  54. I am so excited for you and your family! Sending lots of prayers from Utah! xoxo

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  55. Thoughts and prayers are with you.

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  56. praying for you guys! not being able to get pg is so hard! sending lots of prayers and hugs xoxo

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  57. Praying for you and my aunt and uncle who also just did invitro. May you both be blessed with little ones.

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