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I am here to ask for your prayers.
I have not been sure whether or not to put myself out there like this. But I have decided that I will. Because this is something that is weighing heavily on me. Because this is part of who we are. Because this is part of who so many people are.
Kyle and I have decided that we would like to have a baby. One problem ... we cannot just knock boots to make that happen.
The amount of stress ... anxiety ... emotion that infertility causes is dreadful. Unless you have experienced infertility, I'm not sure you ever really can understand what it is like to want a baby so badly ... but not be able to do a damn thing about it.
Mason and Payton were both conceived through in vetro fertilization. This was after several years of trying the old fashioned way, taking Clomid and then going through four failed intrauterine inseminations. We were sure that each step we took was going to be it ... we were going to get pregnant.
Nada. Nil. Nothing.
To experience the big.fat.negative. month after month for years ... I can't even explain how it wears on a person's soul.
Until we moved on to in vetro fertilization. We were blessed with great insurance at the time, allowing us to financially afford to be able to do it. Not anymore ... no more coverage for fertility treatments. That sucks.
So for now ... we have one chance. One really small chance.
When we went through treatment for Payton, we had a total of four blastocysts that made it to day five. Two were transferred ... one took. And that is my most perfect baby girl ever.
So we had two left over ... Payton's fraternal triplets, in essence. We froze them. They have been frozen for almost six years now. And the catch is that they were froze under ancient methods ... apparently. That sucks. We are told that our ultimate odds of having a baby from these two frozen blasts is 30%.
30% ... that is not ideal.
We have been doing injections ... or maybe I should clarify that *I* have been receiving injections. Ha. And Tuesday is the big day.
Tuesday we will find out whether or not our blastocysts can survive thawing. Step one. And I have to be honest and say that I am not prepared to have the thawing fail. I need to at least get the chance to have this work.
Step two. Both blasts will be transferred and in a couple weeks ... we will know whether or not it worked.
Gosh, please pray. This has to work. We cannot afford to begin a fresh cycle right now ... and we are so ready for this. We have waited until Addison was well adjusted into our family and until we knew that our bond with her was strong. The time has come.