tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-49019752882049081322024-03-13T15:52:26.106-04:00our perfectly imperfect lifefamily. love. infertility. down syndrome. international adoption. photography. juice plus. childhood apraxia of speech. twins. and more love.Bethanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09481397897364739480noreply@blogger.comBlogger763125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4901975288204908132.post-36700399440513421112017-01-07T12:47:00.000-05:002017-01-07T12:49:06.139-05:00Eleven.Somehow it has been nearly four years since I visited this little corner of the interweb. That alone overwhelms me, because that is nearly four years of our life that I have not documented.. and the thought of somehow trying to catch up is impossible. Maybe it seems silly, but I love having this space to look back on with my kids.<br />
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Today is Payton's 11th birthday. Her birthday is always an emotional day for me.. wanting to go the extra mile to celebrate her life, while thoughts of her birth continuously linger in my head. I don't remember much in this life, but I remember every single detail of her birth day. I remember when they laid her on my tummy in her seriously dusky state.. it seemed that I was the only one concerned.<br />
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I remember asking the doctor why she was purple, only to see a team of doctors and nurses rush into the delivery room. I remember them taking Payton off to the side of the room, rubbing her and blowing air over her face.. trying to get her to cry and breathe. I remember them telling me they would have to take her to the NICU for observation, while I was left without my baby. I remember them wheeling me through the NICU so that I could take a peek at my baby girl.. and all I saw was Down syndrome. I knew.. her eyes, it was all in her eyes. I remember sitting there silent, with tears running down my cheeks.. I didn't say anything to anyone. I remember the doctors coming to my room and telling us that there were a few things they were watching.. and I remember saying to them, "You think she has Down syndrome."<br />
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Our world was turned upside down and I'm not sure we even realized what was happening. I was discharged after two days.. leaving our baby girl behind while she was being cared for in the NICU.<br />
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Payton was born on the seventh of January and her big brother's birthday was on the thirteenth. That was the day we were to bring her home from the hospital, but first we had a small party for her brother at Chuck-E-Cheese. He was turning two years old.. we were trying to make life as normal as possible for him, even though we felt like our life was being blown up in our face. I remember so vividly just sitting in the booth during his party and crying. I couldn't stop the tears.. all I could think about was how she would never fit in at a place like Chuck-E-Cheese.. other kids would look at her funny, they would tease her. My heart was breaking at the thought of how this tiny human would be treated by society. I was so scared.. I loved her so much, but felt like my fears for the future were going to break me.<br />
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Fast forward 11 years.. although we have definitely experienced everything I feared in those early days and more, the joy this chick brings to our life by far outweighs the hard times. She makes us laugh like nobody else can. Her joy in the simplest things in this life is seriously addicting. She has not a care in the world.. well, other than maybe just wanting to be included in everything. She tries her hardest in everything she does and while it may take her longer to do many things, she always brings her own version of success.<br />
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Happy birthday, my chick. You are so beautiful.. I live this life for you. I will always be your number one advocate, your number one fan. I will fight for you until the day I die. Here you are.. doing it.. living this life and spreading your love all around us.Bethanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09481397897364739480noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4901975288204908132.post-11885778320216299742013-03-06T10:05:00.000-05:002013-03-25T15:15:58.184-04:00We are in love.<i>The pregnancy. </i><br />
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Somewhere around nine months ago, our dreams of adding to our family came true... we were pregnant again. After miscarrying not long before, we were cautiously optimistic. And... when we learned that we would be adding not just one, but two babies to our family... we were nervous, but mostly ecstatic. While bringing our family count to seven seemed overwhelming to some, we knew we had been immensely blessed.<br />
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Two boys. <br />
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<i><span style="font-size: x-small;">36 + 5 weeks... 4 days before delivery. </span></i><br />
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My pregnancy was completely uneventful... no morning sickness, no bed rest, no preterm labor... none of those things I was so worried about with a twin pregnancy. Today... March 6th... was my due date. But our boys have already been here for almost three weeks.<br />
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We decided to take the boys at 37 + 2 weeks after baby A was a little slow to respond during a non-stress test the day before. Although he ultimately ended up passing the test, we felt good about how far we had gone in our pregnancy and decided to take them the next day... Valentine's Day... before we got to a point of the boys showing distress and having an emergency situation on our hands. Both boys were frank breech and we were scheduled for a cesarean section because of this. <br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>36 + 5 weeks... I miss th<span style="font-size: x-small;">at belly</span>. Wah.</i></span><br />
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Although a Valentine's Day birth was already special in and of itself... our boys now share a birthday with my grandmother. <span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span class="userContent">♥ </span></span><br />
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<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span class="userContent">In the weeks leading into our delivery of the boys, I was what I call, um... seriously hormotional. Scratch that... <i>my entire pregnancy</i>, I was seriously hormotional. After experiencing the trauma of Payton's birth, I had <i>a lot</i> of anxiety about the health and delivery of the twins. Every major milestone of my pregnancy yielded massive tears of joy... little by little, my worries were lifted. The most prominent moment was after an ultrasound at 34w6d... we had hit the 34 week mark and each of our boys were measuring 5 lb 12 oz. The over-5-lb milestone was so important to me... I do believe I sobbed for 10 minutes straight as I drove away from the doctor's office. I knew how important this milestone was to the health of our boys and it was just such a relief. Thereafter, I really calmed down and just enjoyed the remainder of my pregnancy.</span></span><br />
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<i><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span class="userContent">The delivery.</span></span></i><br />
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<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span class="userContent">Going into delivery, a lot of my anxiety came back. Everything became so real and being back in the birthing center where we have so much history... I was pretty nervous. I worried about the boys having trouble at birth, I worried about surprise health issues, I worried about... <i>well</i>, you name it... I worried about it. </span></span><br />
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<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span class="userContent">After being prepped in triage, it was time. They explained to us that I would be taken to the operating room for further prep, and that Kyle would have to wait outside until it was time to begin. <i>Ahem.</i> Cue the waterworks. The minute they led me down that hallway... and the heavy doors slammed behind us, I couldn't stop crying. I was scared to death of the spinal... but I was even more scared that I would feel pain when they cut me open. <i>That didn't happen, of course. </i>And, like I said, I was scared that everything would just be okay.<i> I needed everything to just be okay. </i></span></span><i><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span class="userContent"> </span></span></i><br />
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<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span class="userContent">The prep seemed to take forever. There were a million people in the room, including countless students who were being taught a new prep method. And I'm pretty sure they were there to witness a twin delivery. <i>I digress. </i>My doctor kept saying she was so embarrassed, that she had never seen so many people in an operating room. </span></span><br />
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<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span class="userContent"><img alt="twins114-copy-wm" height="426" src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8088/8577859977_d56d3bdd34_z.jpg" width="640" /></span></span><br />
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<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span class="userContent"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span class="userContent">Eventually, I heard someone ask if everyone was ready to begin and Kyle appeared by my side. </span></span>At 12:56 p.m.... baby A, Camden, was born. After hearing that he was out, it seemed like forever that I waited to hear him cry, even though I think it really was only a matter of seconds. I was crying and asking if he was okay... and then I heard the most glorious cry I have ever heard. Seconds later... baby B, Weston, was born. His bag of water was intact as they pulled him out and I heard a huge <i>whoosh</i> sound, which was my water breaking <i>"all over the place and onto the floor"</i>, according to Kyle. I remember Weston crying right away and soon enough... Kyle was meeting his sons on the other side of the room. </span></span><br />
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<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span class="userContent">As I laid there on the table, my doctor made small talk about the babies. All I wanted to know was that they were healthy... I beat down the elephant in my head and blurted out, <i>"Do they have Down syndrome?"</i> So random... I realize this. <i>Ha. </i>My doctor laughed, said no... and told me they were healthy and beautiful.</span></span><br />
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<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span class="userContent">And then my boys were brought to me... <i>love.</i></span></span><br />
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<i>Recovery and hospital stay.</i><br />
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After delivery, I was out of it... more out of it than I ever remember being after giving birth. I literally could not keep my eyes open and even though I was physically present, I am a little sad that I do not feel I got to enjoy that time with my babies. <i>Sigh.</i><br />
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<i><span style="font-size: x-small;">My first time holding both of my <span style="font-size: x-small;">boy</span>s.</span></i><br />
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The babies did amazing and never had to go to the nursery out of concern. Both of them lost close to 10% of their body weight... thankfully both were just under the 10% mark, so it never became a huge issue. We did end up having to stay in the hospital one night longer because both boys had a bit of jaundice. They were both restricted to bili-blankets in my room. That made me cry, but I knew I had to get over it because in the scheme of things... this was minor. <i>Ha!</i> Their levels went down fairly quickly and we went home the next day. <br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>Camden.</i></span><br />
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<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span class="userContent">During our stay in the hospital, our pediatrician detected what he classified as a significant murmur in Camden's heart. Cardiology was called in and indeed... he has a couple (two or three) tiny VSD's and a PFO. </span></span>The PFO could be normal... or so I'm told. The VSD's... meh, I was pretty upset, even though we went through this with Payton. I think the fact that he has more than one is what put me over the edge. Thankfully, they are tiny like Payton's was and we are praying they close on their own sooner than later. Camden also has a dilated kidney... this was detected in utero. We will follow up with ultrasounds to make sure it is resolving itself. <br />
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<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span class="userContent">Meeting big brother and sisters.</span></span></i><br />
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<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span class="userContent">The kids came to the hospital to meet the babies the afternoon after their birth. When they arrived, Payton refused to go past the doorway because she didn't like seeing me laid up in a hospital bed. She is very sensitive when it comes to others being <i>"hurt"</i>.</span></span><br />
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<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span class="userContent">Eventually, she made her way into the room. She <i>loves</i> her babies.</span></span><br />
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<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span class="userContent"><span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span class="userContent"><img alt="twins079-copy-wm" height="426" src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8375/8577732381_73a8bffc40_z.jpg" width="640" /></span></span> </span></span><br />
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<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span class="userContent">Seeing the kids with their little brothers makes my heart skip a beat. I love that they are old enough to hopefully remember their brothers being born. Mason is such a natural with the boys and Payton mimics everything I do... it is the sweetest thing. Addison can't quite handle the babies on her own, but she loves her time holding them with help. <i>We are all in love.</i></span></span><br />
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<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"><span class="userContent"><i>Going home. </i><br />
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<i>*Hospital photos courtesy of <a href="http://stephanieascariphotography.com/">Stephanie Ascari Photography</a>.</i>Bethanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09481397897364739480noreply@blogger.com200tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4901975288204908132.post-74645365091262478282012-10-29T11:32:00.000-04:002012-10-29T11:32:01.829-04:00About that baby gender thing.Feeling somewhat accomplished right now after spending yesterday getting a start on painting the girls' new bedroom. We are doing major bedroom swaps to prepare for the arrival of the babies... and I am freaking out <i>a wee bit</i> because this pregnancy is more than half over and the nursery... <i>and the girls' room</i>... are still in shambles.<br />
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A peek at what is to come in the girls' room... super excited for it to be done. <br />
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<img alt="girls-room" height="317" src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8048/8134758052_c31047c442_z.jpg" width="640" /><br />
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We are in a state of emergency right now courtesy of <a href="http://www.weather.com/news/weather-hurricanes/hurricane-sandy-superstorm-20121027">Sandy</a>... school is closed, local governments are closed, the federal government is closed... and people are freaking out. I have jumped on the freaking out bandwagon this morning and husband is out searching for water and such.<br />
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Clearly we are the king and queen of procrastination.<br />
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<i>Ahem.</i><br />
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Payton and Addison are in such a fun place right now... Payton tells us quite often they are <i>"best friends"</i>. Addison may be the forced bestie at this point... but it's all good. <i>Ha.</i> I have to say that adopting Addison has to be one of the best things we have ever done... for both of the girls. They are together all.the.time and they learn so much from each other.<br />
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So excited for what the future holds for these two chicks. <br />
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Payton's speech has really taken off lately... it is seriously entertaining and so rewarding to hear the things she comes up with. She has officially learned to tattle and can tell us in complete sentences why she is tattling. With each sentence... I beam. This is huge for us... slowly but surely, we are on our way.<br />
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We are slowly winding down the fall season of football and baseball. Playoffs are in a couple weeks and I am looking forward to the weeks of nothingness that follow.<br />
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For some reason... I get pretty emotional watching Mason play football. Yes... I am pregnant and yes... I have double hormone. <i>Ha.</i> But seriously... even though he has played tackle for a few years now, I think this year he finally gets it. In my mind... football is a big kid sport and to see him out there doing exactly what he is supposed to do to help his team... <i>when I myself don't even really understand</i>... it just makes me proud. <br />
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<img alt="IMG_1019wm" height="427" src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8195/8134869503_1dabc0cb36_z.jpg" width="640" /><br />
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Yeah, yeah... clearly I am a pregnant sap.<br />
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Pregnancy is going really well... other than a few sciatic aches, I'm good. I will be 22 weeks tomorrow. The babies are doing excellent... they appear healthy and are measuring ahead. And husband got to feel them move for the first time earlier this week... <i>so</i> sweet.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>Baby A.</i></span><br />
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19w5d week baby stats...<br />
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Baby A: Measured 20w3d, weighed 12 ounces, heartbeat 141 bpm.<br />
Baby B: Measured 20w4d, weighed 13 ounces, heartbeat 142 bpm.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>Baby B.</i></span><br />
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So about that baby gender thing... the story goes like this...<br />
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<a href="http://www.ourperfectlyimperfectlife.com/2012/04/its-beyond-frustrating-infertility-that.html">We had IVF</a> (in vetro fertilization) back in March of this year. Prior to starting our cycle, we learned about a genetics study through our clinic and we were accepted into the study. Not only did it help with cost, but we were able to get genetic testing done on our embryos for free.<br />
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Now... we historically were extremely conflicted about doing genetic testing on our embryos. We knew that our personal morals and values with regard to Down syndrome could be put at risk... and we were not sure we could handle finding out that one of our embryos had Down syndrome... and then be okay with discarding of that life.<br />
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On the flip side... we recognize that our plate is full and while we understand that any pregnancy brings risk of issues, we went into this wanting to add a typical child (Lord, I hate that term) to our family. It is what it is... and in no way takes away from our insane, intense love of Payton, Addison and their extra genetic material. <br />
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That said... we were never going to spend the $6,000-$7,000 on genetic testing. But now we had a chance to get it for free... so we agreed. And when all was said and done... none of our embryos had Down syndrome... so thankfully we did not have to face the very thing we dreaded so much.<br />
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Moving forward... since we did a frozen embryo transfer, we transferred the two healthiest embryos we had sitting on ice. We were never given gender with our genetic testing results... it was not the purpose of the study.<br />
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But when I was around 9 weeks pregnant... our reproductive endocrinologist told us he requested the gender of our embryos from the genetics company. Well, of course we wanted to know... and we learned the two embryos that were transferred were <a href="http://www.ourperfectlyimperfectlife.com/2012/10/one-boy-one-girl.html">one boy, one girl</a>.<br />
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With 99% certainty.<br />
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Since the twins each have their own sac and their own placenta... it is assumed that they are <a href="http://www.baby2see.com/multiples/twins.html">di/di fraternal</a> twins. When you add IVF to the equation... it tends to rule out di/di identical twins because that split happens around day 1-2 (20-30% of the time in natural twin pregnancies)... so they say. Our embryos were observed in the lab through day 5-6... meaning they would have seen if they had split... so they say.<br />
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So that rules out the theory that our girl did not implant... and that our boy split in identical twins. Both of our specialists say they doubt that happened. Our reproductive endocrinologist believes that the genetic testing was wrong when it came to gender. If true, this means that we fell in the 1% range of error.<br />
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All I can do is laugh. Because this crap only happens to us... I swear. And we definitely have two penises.<br />
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<img alt="penis-montage" height="212" src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8463/8135204716_f293951dae_z.jpg" width="640" /><br />
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We really will not know for sure what happened until the babies are born... when we can test them to see if they are identical or fraternal. And if they are identical... this would be an extremely rare thing, to the point that our reproductive endocrinologist wants to submit our case to a medical journal.<br />
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<i>Oy.</i><br />
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So all plans have been thrown out the window... and we have changed directions. <a href="http://www.ourperfectlyimperfectlife.com/2012/10/change-of-plans.html">Two boys</a>... we are equally excited. Bethanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09481397897364739480noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4901975288204908132.post-42211586344186225122012-10-22T22:21:00.000-04:002012-10-22T22:21:00.795-04:00she is six... the annual bash.Yesterday my baby turned six... and the thing that is even weirder to me is that we are coming up on the anniversary of her being home with us for four years. That is just crazy to me... but here we are.<br />
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We had our annual halloween birthday bash... much more low key this year. <i>So fun.</i><br />
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The grub. Kept it easy this year with chili, pizza and homemade mac-n-cheese... oh, and a few salts and sweets. And drinks.<br />
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Our costumes... literally thrown together in a day... <i>err, less</i>. Looks involved... but it wasn't. <br />
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This picture of my kids cracks.me.up... it is so indicative of their personalities. Payton looking to Mason to copy whatever it is that he is doing... and Nika off to the side, picking at her fingers, being shy when the attention is on her. <i>Sigh.</i><br />
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Our guests... yes, costumes are mandatory... and <i>oh, so fun.</i><br />
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A halloween party ain't no halloween party without the donut game. We do this every year... it never gets old. <br />
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Pass the apple... this was quite the cluster... and quite funny, actually.<br />
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Happy birthday, baby girl.<br />
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Instead of getting an assortment of party favors for the kids to pick from this year... <strike>which usually get chucked around my house courtesy of all the crazy boys</strike>... I just got these glow masks from the dollar bins at Target. They were pretty cool... definitely a hit with the kids. And they made their eyes look all eery... almost like those fake halloween contacts that they sell.<br />
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I think our halloween parties may be one of my favorite things each year... a tradition to keep, that is for sure.Bethanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09481397897364739480noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4901975288204908132.post-61995673840867021702012-10-03T16:50:00.003-04:002012-10-03T16:50:37.193-04:00change of plans.<iframe allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen" frameborder="0" height="360" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/rVCtuuAQyxM?list=UUOYZ7bso0VfHyEhT8cXonQw&hl=en_US" width="640"></iframe><br />Bethanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09481397897364739480noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4901975288204908132.post-52901011909588324562012-10-01T13:08:00.000-04:002012-10-01T18:29:58.987-04:00one boy, one girl.I think being an infertility patient, I always knew that twins could be in our future. But it didn't happen with Mason... and it didn't happen with Payton. So I guess I really thought it would not ever happen. Clearly the third time is a charm, right?<br />
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I can't lie and say that my mind never wandered... and I always said that if we did have twins... ever, in our lives... that one boy and one girl would be perfect for our family. Mason would get a brother... <i>which seriously is what he wants so badly</i>... and we would get our typical girl... a sister for the girls.<br />
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One boy, one girl <i>it is. </i><br />
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We had a little gender reveal party to reveal to our family and closest friends the sex of the babies. We have actually known since around nine weeks... our infertility doctor was able to get that information from a genetics study we participated in and our nurse left the information on my voice mail. We really had not planned to find out that way... but my screams to drown out her voice mail before I could turn my phone off did not work. <br />
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One boy, one girl. We are <i>so</i> happy.<br />
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No party of ours is a party without some fun little details. We order a box o'sandwiches from Pot Belly, which worked perfect. Add a fruit salad, some pasta salad and some sweets... wa la. For drinks, we had pink lemonade and some assortment of blue gatorade. <br />
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One boy, one girl.<br />
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<img alt="Balsis09wm" height="426" src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8039/8043896383_5c69a9c5ce_z.jpg" width="640" />Bethanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09481397897364739480noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4901975288204908132.post-49969334674065031272012-09-23T16:38:00.000-04:002012-10-01T16:40:19.395-04:0016 weeks.<img alt="montage" height="473" src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8459/8044795178_b597c49065_z.jpg" width="640" />Bethanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09481397897364739480noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4901975288204908132.post-24702786879156013152012-09-10T22:39:00.001-04:002012-09-10T22:39:19.146-04:00The fall season.As much as we enjoy relaxing... I don't think we really know how. <i>Err wait</i>... maybe we just don't give ourselves the chance. But it's okay... we like to be busy.<br />
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And that is what fall brings. School. Homework. Therapy. Sports... practices and games. From mid August through the beginning of November... we have somewhere to be every.single.day. <br />
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Mason plays travel baseball... which means they play year round. And Kyle coaches... so that keeps us very busy. Lucky for Mason... his sisters love to be at the baseball fields. And our fall season is in full swing. <br />
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The downfall to travel ball is that if you ever want to play another sport... you have to double up. And Mason wants to play tackle football... making our fall season a little crazy.<br />
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Football has been kind of crazy for us this year... in order to keep Mason at the ankle biter level playing with his peers, he had to lose 4-5 pounds. Enter a whole new side to parenting that you never thought you would find yourself discussing with your eight year old. But he did it... mostly by cutting out all liquids but water... and eating lots of lean meats, rather than his mac-n-cheese staple. I gotta say... I was <i>a whole lotta</i> proud of him for making weight... I was <i>a whole lotta</i> nervous for him. <br />
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And maybe I'm just a hormonal pregnant woman... and maybe it is just normal... but Mason is so grown up. Yes, he is eight. But watching him on the football field the other night just made me so emotional. <i>Sigh.</i> My baby. <br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>Mason tackling his opponent.</i></span><br />
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He is so proud of himself when he tackles his opponents. His first couple seasons of tackle football... well, it took him awhile to get the nerve to actually tackle the other team. This year... he is a tackling machine. Now this momma is just praying he doesn't get hurt. We have already lost one little boy on his team this season to a broken arm... I'm so not ready for that to happen.<br />
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Payton and Nika are playing football and cheerleading, respectively, through a local Champion football league for kids with special needs. It is run by the football players and cheerleaders at a local high school... and I have to say, I was so impressed with how good they were with the kids and how they just accepted them for who they are. <br />
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Payton had so much fun hanging out with the high school kids and playing football... she won over one particular cheerleader and several of the football players. The guys kept letting her tackle them and she would lay across their backs. When they lifted their heads to try to get up... she slammed their heads back to the ground. It was pretty funny.<br />
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She ganked a headband that belonged to the cheerleader... <i>my Rambo girl.</i><br />
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Nika is so the girl that likes to watch and take her environment in... especially in places that are new to her. She mostly did just that at cheerleading... until they gave her that one-on-one time that she so craves.<br />
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Her little uniform swallowed her body just about whole. <br />
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Over the summer, Payton kept asking when it was her turn to go to baseball... since we spent so much time at the baseball fields with her brother. She would lug her little pink baseball bag around the house and get so excited at the thought of being able to play... so we knew we had to sign her up to play again.<br />
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She is hilarious. And clearly I am biased... but whatever. Her <i>thang </i>this season is sliding into home plate... although mostly it consists of her getting to the plate and purposely plopping down on her butt. <br />
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Where does she come up with this stuff? As long as she is having fun, right? <br /><br />That she is... <i>that she is.</i><br />
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Love her and her zest for life... even if she gets annoyed with my camera.<br />
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Alright... night night... my shows are on. <i>Ha.</i><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>The sky at football the other night... the storm cleared out and the sun set.</i></span>Bethanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09481397897364739480noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4901975288204908132.post-79544322144099124232012-09-05T17:39:00.002-04:002012-09-05T17:46:03.116-04:00First day.<img alt="IMG_9944wm" height="427" src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8454/7938308078_5f39753a6b_z.jpg" width="640" /> <br />
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The first day of school has come and gone... and I didn't even cry. A shock, I know. Last year I was a hot mess trudging into the unknown with Payton going to kindergarten. This year, I knew exactly what to expect and it was easy peasy sending the girls to school. And poor Mason... I say <i>girls </i>because it is with their special needs that all my anxiety over school comes. <br />
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Nika started kindergarten.<br />
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I was talking to a friend last night and she told me <i>she</i> was a hot mess yesterday morning thinking not so much about Nika going to kindergarten... but rather the amazing opportunities Nika has been given in life, versus rotting away in a Russian orphanage. She said she kept thinking about where Nika would be today if we hadn't adopted her... and she is so right. It is this very thing that also sends my emotions into overdrive.<br />
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But sending her to kindergarten... I have actually been so excited for her to start and follow in her sister's footsteps. She had an amazing foundation to her education built by her equally amazing preschool teachers... and I know she can rock this. I just know it.<br />
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<i>Her placement</i>... Nika is in a full-day kindergarten classroom with about 24 or so typical peers. She receives push-in classroom support from her resource teacher for 30 minutes per day (typically during literacy centers and writing) and 45 minutes of pull-out support to work 1:1 on her IEP goals. She also will be getting speech and occupational therapy at school, but I have not received the specifics of that yet.<br />
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I was up at the school yesterday morning helping unload buses and I peeked in Nika's classroom before I left the school... this was within the first 10-15 minutes of the school day. Most every kid in the class was sitting in their chair coloring, while their teacher calmed a distraught child. Nika, however, was sitting on the floor right behind her chair. I had to laugh and went in to help, because I am pretty sure it is not on Nika's radar that she even has <i>her own</i> seat to sit in. Until she is physically shown the routine of her classroom, it will take her a minute to get comfortable. No worries here... she will get it.<br />
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A note about her day... <i>We have been focusing on classroom routines and schedules in class. She seems very confident, happy, and interested in participating in the classroom activities. She enjoyed interacting with her peers on the playground at recess and was very independent at lunch. </i><br />
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<i>Short term goals to work on</i>... Getting classroom routines down, staying in her carpet seat, keeping hands to herself and stay with the class during hall movement. We have a daily behavior and goal chart that we use... more on that later.<br />
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So we will see... praying she succeeds like I know she can.<br />
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And Payton... she started 1st grade. <br />
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Payton has been so excited to start school... as in, we had to refrain from saying the word <i>school</i> or she would run, get her backpack and proceed to beg to go to school. She loves it and I am really excited about her placement and the support she is getting.<br />
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<i>Her placement</i>... Payton is in a 1st grade classroom in general education with about 24 or so typical
peers. She receives push-in classroom support from her resource teacher
for 40 minutes per day (typically during morning routine, literacy centers and writing)
and 60 minutes of pull-out support to work 1:1 on her IEP goals. She
also will be getting speech at school, but I
have not received the specifics of that yet. <br />
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A couple notes about her day... <i>Payton has had a successful first day. She has seemed happy and eager to attempt classroom activities. She has done a great job of demonstrating classroom routines that she learned last year, such as unpacking independently, going through the lunch line to buy milk, and being a good role model in the hallway. We have focused on classroom routines and behavior expectations in class today. </i><br />
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<i>Payton has done tremendously! We will continue to practice classroom routines, etc. but I couldn't be happier with her progress already. </i><br />
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If I am being honest, there <i>is</i> one <i>teeny weeny thing</i> that makes my stomach churn and that is worrying about peer relationships. While Payton is very much loved at school... and so many of the kids totally get her... <i>some do not.</i> And 1st grade-mean-girl-syndrome is nasty... we experienced it already at orientation. I cried the ugly cry that night... and moved on, knowing that those very people are not who we need to focus on... it is those that accept her for who she is. Here is the thing... Payton may not care, but she knows when someone is
treating her differently, or purposely trying to evade her. And for this momma to watch that happen... it ain't pretty. I am trying to get a buddy program implemented at our school... if you have one at your school, could you provide suggestions on how it works?<br />
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As a whole... super excited about this year for Payton. She grew so much last year in kindergarten and I know she will this year too.<br />
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And big brother Mason... started 3rd grade.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>Poor Mason still had wet hair.</i></span><br />
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I know this is so cliche, and quite possibly I say this all the time... but how have we possibly arrived at the day that Mason has started 3rd grade? It seriously boggles my mind and makes me a little sad.<br />
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I am so proud of this kid and sometimes I think I put too much pressure on him, especially when it comes to his sisters... yet he prevails every time. He has an amazing teacher this year and I am hoping that his desire to be the center of attention in class fades a bit. <i>Ha</i>. Right along side that... I know his compassion for others remains. And reading and writing... we are going to work hard on that to keep him on grade level.<br />
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His favorite subject at school... <i>recess.</i><br />
His least favorite subject at school... <i>math.</i><br />
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This cracks me up... clearly he is not yet beyond the age where recess is the favorite. And his least favorite subject <i>just so happens </i>to be the one he excels in. <i>Crazy kid.</i><br />
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When I look at these pictures of the kids loading the bus... my heart just swells. To most it looks like a typical picture of kids getting on a bus... but to me, this shows Mason taking his sisters under his wing. Oh how thankful I am for him to be their big brother... and to know he is there with them. <strike>Whether he is more interested in his own friends at this point... let's just pretend he is always watching out for the girls</strike>.<br />
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Happy trails... Bethanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09481397897364739480noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4901975288204908132.post-80606908263054230972012-09-03T22:09:00.000-04:002012-09-03T22:14:09.589-04:00School is here. Summer is over.Something about starting a new school year gets me on my game. It is like a fresh start to get my crap together. School supplies have been delivered, paperwork is complete, backpacks are packed, lunches are made, outfits are laid out and the kids are tucked into bed. Let me have my moment to gloat... I am <i>never</i> this prepared... <i>ever</i>. Pretty much usually a hot mess, flying by the seat of my pants.<br />
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First day jitters are pretty much over the girls' heads... they leave that to their momma. <i>Sigh. </i>Mason is less than thrilled to go back to school, but is excited that his buddy from baseball is in his class... gives him something to look forward to and something to calm any nerves he might have.<br />
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<i><span style="font-size: x-small;">Enjoying our last week of summer... Rambo joined us.</span></i><br />
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We read a little book that we got from Payton's teacher called <i>Sweet Dreams</i> before bed tonight...<br />
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<i>The night before school is exciting and fun. There are always so many things to be done.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>Your clothes are ready, your backpack is too. Your classroom is full of fun things you will do.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>Lots of questions go through your mind, all types of thoughts of every kind.</i><br />
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<i>But sometimes we all get the jitters down deep, and that makes it hard to fall fast asleep.</i><br />
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<i>So I've made this magic confetti for you, full of promises for the whole year through.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>On Monday night when you lay down your head, just sprinkle some under your pillow in bed.</i><br />
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<i>The confetti will help you sleep through the night, and wake up in the morning fresh and bright.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>I'll sprinkle the confetti under my pillow, too. Because I am so super excited to see you!</i><br />
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And yep, we sprinkled the confetti.<br />
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Maybe I should put some confetti under my pillow... it will make me sleep tonight, <i>right?</i> Praying everything goes well tomorrow... I can't believe Nika is starting kindergarten. Now I will have all day to <strike>relax</strike> get this house ready for some more babies.<br />
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*<br />
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The drive in. We had to drive an hour to get there and didn't get home until 1:00am, but is the drive in not a completely nostalgic thing you must share with your children? <i>I reckon.</i><br />
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Gotta say... I was pretty impressed with this place, old or not. There was a huge grassy area in front of the screen for the kids to play... and there was a playground right there. We pulled in, pulled out our chairs and the kids could play.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>Payton sitting on the top of the slide watching the movie.</i></span><br />
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I had to share a memory of mine with my kids that night... <i>ahem</i>. When my sister and I were younger, my parents told us we were going to the drive in one night. We were seriously ecstatic... <i>like,</i> pajamas on, pillows and blankets packed, popcorn and candy set, all piled in the car. So we drive around a bit... and we eventually <i>drive in</i> to our driveway, at which point our parents announce we had arrived... as they flashed the movie they had rented at us.<br />
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I'm not still bitter. <i>Not at all. </i><br />
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<img alt="IMG_9836wm" height="212" src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8031/7926470476_777d07da83_z.jpg" width="640" /><br />
<br />
It is hard to believe that summer is over... too many things on the summer bucket list did not get done. Clearly I had too many things on that list, because I feel like we never sat still.<br />
<br />
Now... I'm <i>so</i> ready for fall and colder weather.<br />
<br />
ps... I started feeling the babies move this week... <i>eek! </i>Bethanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09481397897364739480noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4901975288204908132.post-17968670375949813482012-08-21T14:44:00.003-04:002012-08-21T14:51:01.285-04:0012 weeks.<img alt="IMG_9789wm" height="640" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7107/7830811126_c2ca4cbdc3_o.jpg" width="640" /><br />
<br />
Somehow I am already almost through my first trimester of pregnancy. Other than two weeks of nausea... it has been an uneventful 12 weeks. As hard as it is for me to <i>get</i> pregnant... my body sure handles it well once we get there. <br />
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<img alt="IMG_9797wm" height="427" src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8297/7831301662_57ebef45c2_o.jpg" width="640" /> <br />
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I will be honest and say that I have had a hard time allowing myself to accept that I really am carrying two little babies in there, and frankly... just be happy about it. I think when you have gone through infertility, miscarriage, a rocky pregnancy and the trauma of receiving a diagnosis you never knew was coming at birth... well, you are always waiting for a bomb to hit. I was telling a friend yesterday that it almost seems like I don't believe that anything will ever come easy for us when it comes to adding to our family. That is a sad reality... but I think we have turned a corner.<br />
<br />
Baby A...<br />
<img alt="IMG_9796wm" height="427" src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8291/7831301834_cfd9019d38_o.jpg" width="640" /><br />
<br />
We had an ultrasound yesterday for our nuchal translucency screening and everything looks great. Both babies had great neck measurements and both of their nasal bones were detected. It definitely was a relief to hear it from the doctor. <i>Back story: Payton's nasal bone was not detected during our 20 week ultrasound with her... miraculously a level II ultrasound a week later </i>did<i> detect it... and we were told, </i>"Your baby is fine... have a great life."<i> Quite literally. </i><br />
<br />
Baby B...<br />
<img alt="IMG_9795wm" height="427" src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8283/7831301972_38fd95333c_o.jpg" width="640" /><br />
<br />
As they scanned the twins yesterday... we shared our experience with Payton with them. They said they were so sorry, but they couldn't help but laugh after all we went through... knowing how every screening the doctors had done had failed. We told them we were now quite skeptical when it comes to screening... they understood. Mostly we were there for the ultrasound and to see two heartbeats still pumping away... the screening results would not make a difference one way or another for us... and we were quite certain everything would be okay. <i>More on that later. </i><br />
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<img alt="IMG_9794wm" height="427" src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8281/7831302074_47513e08cf_o.jpg" width="640" /> <br />
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Payton points to my belly every day and says, <i>"Two babies."</i> It is so cute. We have a whole lotta love in this house to give these babies... hope they don't get overwhelmed. <i>Ha...</i><br />
<br />
This is getting more and more real... love them so much already and we are beyond excited.<br />
<br />
*<br />
<br />
We vacationed this summer in Myrtle Beach with my mom, sister and her family. We don't get to see my sister, brother-in-law and nieces very often since <a href="http://www.ourperfectlyimperfectlife.com/2011/09/saying-goodbye.html">they moved</a>... so it was nice to just have a week to hang out. It has sort of become a tradition of sorts for the kids to jump in the ocean fully clothed the night we get there... this year was no different. <i>They love it... err, Mason and Payton love it... Nika was off somewhere watching, I'm sure. </i><br />
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<img alt="IMG_8764wm" height="427" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7119/7832316278_f1a0dfa490_o.jpg" width="640" /><br />
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<img alt="IMG_8840wm" height="427" src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8444/7831446664_417199605b_o.jpg" width="640" /><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>Grandma and her grandbabies. </i></span><br />
<br />
My niece Maya is the cutest friggen little thang with her piggies in her
hair. Mason was playing with her when we were on vacation... and he
suddenly proclaimed, <i>"We are going to have </i>two<i> of you! We are so lucky!" </i>Okay, be still my heart... love that kid.<br />
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<img alt="IMG_8828wm" height="427" src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8287/7831446868_81375a6ba2_o.jpg" width="640" /><br />
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<img alt="IMG_8817-montage" height="640" src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8440/7832429722_d4b3f10399_o.jpg" width="640" /><br />
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<img alt="IMG_8939-montage" height="640" src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8284/7832842170_4e002ac8e8_z.jpg" width="640" /><br />
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So... while we were in Myrtle, we went on the <a href="http://myrtlebeachskywheel.com/">SkyWheel</a> 20-story-ferris-wheel <strike>of death</strike>. No way... <i>never again. </i><br />
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<i><img alt="IMG_8886wm" height="427" src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8448/7832732416_a5a588b430_z.jpg" width="640" /> </i>
<br />
Payton cried. Mason cried. My sister cried <i>(shhh)</i>. Not a joke...
and I nearly had a panic attack because my kids were so upset. We almost
had to push the emergency stop button before we even made it around
once. <i>No thank you.</i>.. I'm good with my feet planted on the ground.<br />
<br />
<img alt="IMG_8893wm" height="427" src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8443/7831453882_78afa0dcc0_o.jpg" width="640" /><br />
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<img alt="IMG_8899wm" height="427" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7267/7831446538_8586dfda47_o.jpg" width="640" /><br />
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Cherish the memories. <br />
<br />
<img alt="IMG_8902wm" height="427" src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8306/7832603112_d5256fe575_z.jpg" width="640" />Bethanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09481397897364739480noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4901975288204908132.post-17156717069789962372012-07-26T23:23:00.001-04:002012-07-26T23:24:16.211-04:00Expecting two.How was it that I worded it on facebook... something like... <i> </i><br />
<br />
<i>Table for 7 please!! We are so excited (and shocked and nervous and
excited and still shocked and...) to announce that we are expecting
twins!! </i> <br />
<br />
Yes, I am for real and no, this is not a joke. We are very excited and the further along we get, the more relaxed I am and the more real this gets for us. It seems I am always waiting for a bomb to fall on my head... but things are going amazingly well so far. We are a little over 8 weeks pregnant right now.<br />
<br />
I am high risk... I'm old, I'm having twins and ya know... I have birthed a child with Down syndrome. <i>Gasp.</i> I have had four ultrasounds so far and that is a definite benefit to this high risk thing. Really though... I have no concerns.<br />
<br />
Today I got a nice 3D bonus ultrasound... you can see baby B nicely, crown to rump... and baby A has his/her back to the camera, but he/she is right in the middle of the picture... mostly a back of head/spine shot. <br />
<br />
<img alt="montage" height="900" src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8288/7652971018_3dfa91c606_o.jpg" width="600" /><br />
<br />
Mason: <i>What kind of babies are we having?</i><br />
Me: <i>What do you mean 'what kind'?</i><br />
Mason: <i>Are we having Down syndrome babies?</i><br />
Me: <i>No baby, you can't just choose to have a baby with Down syndrome.</i><br />
<br />
*sigh* <br />
<br />
So many thoughts about that conversation rolling around in my head. <br />
<br />
<i>Anyway</i>... so excited and I think these babies will be here before we know it. Thank you so much to everyone who has prayed for us and wished us well in our journey to add to our family... I think it worked, double time.<br />
<br />
*<br />
<br />
Our summer has been crazy... somehow we find ourselves on the go all.the.time. I don't think that is about to stop either. Like a friend recently said, <i>"I'd rather my hands be full than empty."</i> Yes... my thoughts exactly.<br />
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<img alt="IMG_8320wm" height="427" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7257/7654035802_627fac7938_o.jpg" width="640" /><br />
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We went home to Wisconsin over the 4th of July for an overdue visit to friends and family... as well as Kyle's 20th high school reunion. <i>Eek! </i><br />
<i><br /></i><br />
The kids got to be in the 4th of July parade with their Grandma... Mason talked about that for days leading up to the event. He was <i>so</i> excited.<br />
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<img alt="parade-montage" height="356" src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8019/7654100384_b6b754c397_o.jpg" width="640" /><br />
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<img alt="balsis-montage-wm" height="356" src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8018/7653037134_7fbd87b098_o.jpg" width="640" /><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>The kids with their grandparents on the 4th of July.</i></span><br />
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<img alt="IMG_8400wm" height="427" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7276/7654035676_f6f8b1a468_o.jpg" width="640" /><br />
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We drove up to Minnesota for a day to see Kyle's Grandma and some of his other family. The kids got to spend some time on a family farm... I miss living in farmland and wish my kids could be around that more.<br />
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<img alt="IMG_8457wm" height="427" src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8431/7653710728_5b16954b9b_o.jpg" width="640" /><br />
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<img alt="farm-montage" height="640" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7133/7653709868_ee45912a84_o.jpg" width="640" /><br />
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<img alt="IMG_8456wm" height="427" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7137/7653710792_df922022a7_o.jpg" width="640" /><br />
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<img alt="grote-montage-wm" height="427" src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8291/7653037048_2b6431bdfc_o.jpg" width="640" /> <span style="font-size: x-small;"><i><br /></i><i>
Four generations of love.</i></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: small;">Mmmkay... this momma is tired. And nauseous. And hungry. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i><span style="font-size: small;">Night night. </span></i><i><br /></i></span>Bethanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09481397897364739480noreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4901975288204908132.post-45852377086237814542012-05-31T21:52:00.004-04:002012-06-01T00:03:36.555-04:00apraxia: two years later.Two years ago, Payton <a href="http://www.ourperfectlyimperfectlife.com/2010/03/our-road-to-apraxia-diagnosis.html">was diagnosed</a> with Childhood Apraxia of Speech. It has been a long road and we have come so far. We also have a long way to go... but we are getting there. Payton has remained in <a href="http://www.promptinstitute.com/">PROMPT therapy</a> and it truly has made the difference for her, in addition to her other private and school speech therapy.<br />
<br />
And supplements. I have always been a huge proponent of supplements... here is what we are doing right now...<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.livelife-juiceplus.com/">Juice Plus+ gummies</a> (3-4 fruit/veggie/berry each day)<br />
<a href="http://www.nutrivene.com/view_item.php?id=344">Longvida Curcumin powder</a> (4 scoops every evening)<br />
<a href="http://www.nutrivene.com/view_item.php?id=244">Honeycombs Gingko Biloba</a> (2-3 droppers every morning)<br />
<a href="http://www.speechnutrients.com/order/speak-smooth/">Speak by SpeechNutrients</a> (2 tbsp every evening)<br />
Vitamin D3 (4000 IU each day)<br />
Iron<br />
<br />
An SLP friend of mine gave me <a href="http://www.ourperfectlyimperfectlife.com/2010/03/our-road-to-apraxia-diagnosis.html">this apraxia word list</a> when we were trying to nail down Payton's diagnosis... and I have continued to document her repeating this list <a href="http://www.ourperfectlyimperfectlife.com/2011/03/apraxia-one-year-later.html">over the last two years</a> to show progress.<br />
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March 2010, age 4 years 2 months<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/r8tnaEt4yrU" width="640"></iframe><br />
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March 2011, age 5 years 2 months<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="480" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/YUx_lrOVVbs" width="640"></iframe><br />
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May 2012, age 6 years 4 months<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="480" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/6ZV6da99wkE" width="640"></iframe><br />
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And my little unofficial off-the-top-of-my-head word list... repeated over the years. I think this truly shows the amazing progress she has made... <i>love her!</i><br />
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March 2010, age 4 years 2 months<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/Bmx2FKsRDXc" width="640"></iframe><br />
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March 2011, age 5 years 2 months<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/v0QV-u4I99I" width="640"></iframe><br />
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May 2012, age 6 years 4 months<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="480" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/_KInyh8xytg" width="640"></iframe>Bethanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09481397897364739480noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4901975288204908132.post-61225403513138967082012-04-23T21:59:00.000-04:002012-04-23T22:01:08.186-04:00Makes my heart melt.<i>We are in the car now. They did the raffles and then it cleared out... so Payton wanted to go. She got a keychain from the dance... she is so proud! </i><br />
<br />
<i>While we were walking out, Payton said, "Fun Daddy!" I told her, "Thank you for dancing with Daddy." She said, "Thank you for dancing, Daddy!" Makes my heart melt! </i><br />
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<img alt="IMG_6426wm" height="640" src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8155/7102310293_a718818d27_z.jpg" width="640" /><br />
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That was the text message I got from Kyle when he and Payton were on their way home from a father/daughter 50's sock hop for girl scouts. <i>Sigh</i>... how did I, the mama, get so lucky to have these two in my life?!<br />
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<img alt="IMG_6444wm" height="640" src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8005/6956279794_58158d2cfb_z.jpg" width="640" /><br />
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A father/daughter dance... just one of so many dreams I have for my girl. She was insanely excited to dress up and pull away with her Daddy in his cherry red hot rod.<br />
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<img alt="IMG_6453wm" height="320" src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8013/7102310249_c41862b8fa_z.jpg" width="640" /><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>Gosh... she is so beautiful. I could stare at her all.day.long. No bias here... ha!</i></span></div>
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A special little thank you to Payton's friend, Julia, for making her night so special. Makes this mama's heart so happy. <strike>And this is where I have typed and backspaced over my worries about 472 times</strike>.<br />
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<img alt="montage" height="356" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7125/7108156175_4e355a2193_z.jpg" width="640" /><br />
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+<br />
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From the moment we met Nika in her baby home... she has sucked on two of her fingers. Perhaps cute... <i>at first</i>... a natural soother for her as she lived the life of an orphan. Who would have known that her finger sucking would become the one point of contention between us.<br />
<br />
<i>Cute as she is.</i>.. finger sucking is not cute when you are five.<br />
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<img alt="IMG_6320wm" height="427" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7211/7102310351_89dc2f4109_z.jpg" width="640" /><br />
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We have been amazed at how much she has come out of her shell... especially this past year. She has grown so much... emotionally, physically and cognitively. She is finally using her speech spontaneously... and becoming quite the independent little girl. Her teacher tells me that she is a leader in the classroom... that is a far stretch from the quiet and shy little girl that refused to participate in group settings.<br />
<br />
One little problem... finger sucking. There is no rhyme or reason as to <i>when</i> she sucks... perhaps when she gets bored, nervous or unsure about something. She knows she is not to suck her fingers when she is with me... but I leave and she sucks. There is question as to whether or not she sucks when I'm gone because she thinks she can get away with it <i>or</i> she just misses her mama. I <i>like</i> to believe it is the latter... but <i>who am I kidding</i>... home girl is smart and believes she can get away with it when I'm not there.<br />
<br />
When her teacher told me she was <i>purposefully</i> removing herself from the general area of her classroom in order to suck (i.e. going into the bathroom, hiding in various areas of the classroom)... I really started to worry about what kindergarten would look like for her. If we hadn't curbed her sucking as much as we have... I truly believe she would still be sitting in a corner, sucking on her fingers and watching the world go by her... just as she did when we brought her home from Russia.<br />
<br />
<i>Enter the habit appliance.</i><br />
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<img alt="IMG_6331wm" height="427" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7039/6956241240_d04c03d396_z.jpg" width="640" /><br />
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Nika's dentist and I talked at length about my concerns for kindergarten. I feel like she is already going to have enough hurdles to cross to be included in a general education classroom. With 25 students in her class... her teacher is not going to care if Nika is removing herself to suck. That behavior will escalate to become the number one reason to kick her out of general education... and I just don't even want to go there.<br />
<br />
So we had her fitted for the appliance and it lasted approximately 12 hours before it fell out. <i>Sigh.</i> I gave her Juice Plus+ gummies right before bed... <i>uh yeah, oopsie.</i><br />
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<img alt="IMG_6342wm" height="427" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7262/6956241206_845924e165_z.jpg" width="640" /><br />
<br />
Her dentist told me the next day she didn't think it was a great fit to begin with... so we had to start the process over. <i>Phew.</i> Now we wait for her second appliance to be made... praying this next one works and that this will become a thing of the past.<br />
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<i>Remember when...?</i> Now <i>that</i> will be a good day.<br />
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+<br />
<br />
There is something <i>feel good </i>about baking cookies with my girls. Both of them looking to me for reassurance and guidance that they are scraping the cookie dough or sprinkling the sugar just right. <i> </i><br />
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<img alt="IMG_6476wm" height="427" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7040/6961784806_60e8f6e7d3_z.jpg" width="640" />
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Teaching them the nurturing things that moms do... hoping that someday they will be able to nurture someone of their own.<br />
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<img alt="IMG_6470wm" height="427" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7057/7107854997_04b7caac31_z.jpg" width="640" />
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<img alt="IMG_6471wm" height="427" src="http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8027/7107855075_841e26953f_z.jpg" width="640" />
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For reasons unknown to me... I clearly suck in the kitchen. I burn my cookies every time... burn pizza every time. Where is Martha when you need her? Here is to hoping my girls don't remember the <i>burnt</i> part of baking.<br />
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<img alt="IMG_6477wm" height="427" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7080/7107855245_7ea043d07d_z.jpg" width="640" /><br />
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Headed to find a semi-soft cookie to share with a tall glass of milk... if only they were not burnt. <i>Sigh.</i><br />
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<i>Night. </i>Bethanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09481397897364739480noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4901975288204908132.post-35221584102787169932012-04-17T13:38:00.005-04:002012-04-17T13:38:53.905-04:00Space Shuttle DiscoveryLast night I began hearing chatter of all these people who were getting up early to go see the space shuttle Discovery land at Dulles Airport. <i>Eh?</i> I had no idea what everyone was talking about... that is what I get for not watching the news. <i>Oopsie.</i><br />
<br />
I woke up this morning and got all excited reading about the shuttle after pulling it up on our local news website. I asked Kyle if we were allowed to give our kids permission to play hooky from school... <i>to watch a space shuttle land.</i><br />
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<i>Hell yeah, we were allowed!</i> We realized that this would be a once in a lifetime experience for us to see... and I'm pretty sure our kids will remember this forever, rather than what they learned in school the morning of April 17th.<br />
<br />
<i>"Get your stuff together... we are going to watch the space shuttle land! I will take you to school when we are done. Let's go!"</i><br />
<br />
Traffic was horrific. There were people everywhere. The highway became a parking lot and the police didn't care. That was awesome. We ended up sitting on an overpass right by the end of the runway. <i>"Here it comes! Oh my gosh, this is amazing! Look you guys, there it is!"</i><br />
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<i><img alt="IMG_6258wm" height="427" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7076/6941789790_a7fb6ee57a_z.jpg" width="640" /></i><br />
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<i>Amazeballs.</i><br />
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Cue the floodgates. Oh my word... I <i>bawled </i>as I sat on the hood of my car snapping my camera. That dang fighter jet... does it to me every time. And my sweet son stood next to me rubbing my leg to soothe me... <i>oh, his sweet soul.</i><br />
<br />
We heard that the shuttle would be circling back around, so we moved down the road to another location. We all gathered on top of the car and waited.<br />
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<i><img alt="IMG_6270wm" height="427" src="http://farm6.staticflickr.com/5340/6941789962_da1f43bd06_z.jpg" width="640" /></i><br />
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This time we were literally <i>right under</i> the shuttle.<br />
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<i>Amazeballs. </i>Again.<br />
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<img alt="IMG_6292wm" height="427" src="http://farm6.staticflickr.com/5470/7087862125_9becf56dee_z.jpg" width="640" /><br />
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Mason... <i>cue the video.</i><br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="480" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/Sc_NnMJJ37E" width="640"></iframe><br />
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Seriously a once in a lifetime experience... I was so happy we decided to go. On our way home... we were shocked to see the shuttle again! Apparently it hadn't yet landed, but it seemed it was landing this next time around, as the landing gear was now done.<br />
<br />
<i>So awesome.</i><br />
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<img alt="IMG_6308wm" height="427" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7245/7087862173_698422b79b_z.jpg" width="640" /><br />
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I love our country. I love things like this that bring so many people from all walks of life together.<i> So much pride. So amazing. Love.</i>Bethanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09481397897364739480noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4901975288204908132.post-57250038073391309632012-04-16T14:35:00.000-04:002012-04-16T14:35:31.591-04:00It is okay. And it is worth it.Infertility <i>can</i> be a hard thing... if you let it. We have been dealing with infertility for years. By now... we know to expect the worst and hope for the best. <i>I think.</i> But that does not mean that we do not get emotionally drained... sad... or incredibly frustrated. Because we do... and we <i>can. </i><br />
<br />
And it is okay.<br />
<br />
Struggle helps to define who we are as human beings. It helps us grow and become better people. Yet... we are so afraid to be in that position, because we know how much it can hurt. But we overcome and realize how much we needed that struggle when we get to the other side. <br />
<br />
And<i> it is okay.</i><br />
<br />
There have been times in our life that we have knowingly placed ourselves in a vulnerable position. Infertility treatments. Adoption. <i>Adoption of a child that has Down syndrome.</i> Should we choose to turn the other way and push these things away... just because we know we could be hurt by these very things? Or do we choose to move head on... because we know the love and joy that we can get from these things?<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><i>You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.</i></div><div style="text-align: center;">~Wayne Gretzky</div><br />
<img alt="IMG_6085wm" height="320" src="http://farm6.staticflickr.com/5272/6937960628_0699a9b829_z.jpg" width="640" /><br />
<br />
It is worth it.<br />
<br />
*<br />
<br />
Working on dusting off this little blog in cyberspace... <br />
<br />
Kyle and I enjoyed a complimentary trip to Playa del Carmen, Mexico... courtesy of his employer. <strike>Jobs in the private sector rock</strike>. It was a nice break as we prepared to return home to infertility treatments... a time to reflect on our past, present and future. And miss our babies, mostly. <br />
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<img alt="montage" height="640" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7207/7084356785_76fa4fe045_z.jpg" width="640" /><br />
<img alt="IMG_4702wm" height="427" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7065/6952026753_29e551f866_z.jpg" width="640" /><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>Our blurry self portrait... we have to take what we can get.</i></span></div><br />
The older our kids get... the harder it is for us to leave them home. So often throughout our trip, we found ourselves saying, <i>"Oh my gosh, Mason would love this."</i> or <i>"We have to bring the kids back here." </i>I know how precious my childhood memories are to me and I want my kids to have that too... <i>in abundance.</i><br />
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We walked on the bottom of the sea while we were there. It was so weird and scary and cool. They put these astronaut looking helmets on you as you descend under water... and even though you can stick your hand up in your helmet to scratch your face... somehow you can breathe and in fact, your hair doesn't even get wet.<br />
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<i>Salud Mexico... be back soon.</i><br />
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*<br />
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<img alt="baptism-montage" height="356" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7044/6907501352_ef1fcbb0aa_z.jpg" width="640" /><br />
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We recently celebrated my niece's baptism. We admittedly have been absent from church and it was nice to be reminded of the reason I love it so much. A good cry during Amazing Grace or wanting to comfort the woman behind me that has cried the entire service. My soul needs that hour on Sunday mornings... and I want my kids to have that too. It is a little embarrassing when your kids go up for the children's sermon and they barely know how to pray... or if you are my youngest, you just stand in the middle of all the kids and wave to the congregation during prayer. Or if you are my oldest, you accept communion, even though you haven't been through your First Communion yet. Or if you are my middle child, you lunge for a handful of communion wafers, as the poor gentleman tries to stop you... just because you can. <i>Sigh.</i><br />
<br />
We enjoyed having Kyle's parents stay with us the weekend of the baptism. My father-in-law tackled my honey-do list... <i>thank you very much</i>... and my kids were so excited to spend that time with their grandparents.<br />
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<img alt="dicks-montage" height="356" src="http://farm6.staticflickr.com/5193/7053596603_3e8dbe1cd2_z.jpg" width="640" /> <br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>Hats courtesy of <a href="http://www.dickslastresort.com/domains/Baltimore/">Dick's Last Resort</a>... ha!</i></span></div><br />
*<br />
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<br />
The girls have begun therapeutic horseback riding... they love it. And I love it... it is so fun to do something... different. Now I secretly want to run away and live in a ranch with my horses. <i>Ha.</i><br />
<br />
It took Payton about a half hour to get up the courage to get on the horse during her first session. Now... she is golden. <br />
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<img alt="IMG_5685wm" height="427" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7050/6938577670_268c302dd4_z.jpg" width="640" /><br />
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Nika has no fear... she jumped right on and was trotting on day one.<br />
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The girls' therapist is amazing... it is so fun to watch and see how she incorporates so many things into horseback riding. More to come...<br />
<br />
<img alt="IMG_5708wm" height="427" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7079/6938577188_f1dcddef89_z.jpg" width="640" />Bethanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09481397897364739480noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4901975288204908132.post-90710923018609568222012-04-04T08:35:00.000-04:002012-04-04T08:35:03.962-04:00It's beyond frustrating... infertility, that is.Somehow it's been over a year since our failed attempt to have another baby. We had two embryos frozen from when we went through in vetro fertilization with Payton. I felt strongly about using those embryos rather than start fresh... I think mostly because they were Payton's fraternal twins.<br />
<br />
One survived the thaw, one didn't. <br />
<br />
We were pregnant for a hot minute... ecstatic until we learned the embryo had arrested in development and we had a chemical pregnancy on our hands.<br />
<br />
I was truly gutted.<br />
<br />
<img alt="IMG_2571wm" height="427" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7126/7044721537_7ae2743782_z.jpg" width="640" /><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>A charm Kyle got me after we found out I was pregnant... before we learned it was a chemical pregnancy.</i></span> </div><br />
Fast forward to the present... we tried again. Over the course of the past several weeks... we reintroduced ourselves to daily injections, ultrasounds, bloodwork, anesthesia and an egg retrieval, an embryo transfer, bed rest and high anxiety.<br />
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<img alt="ivf 3:12 wm" height="427" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7117/6898685716_e8e2e82e10_z.jpg" width="640" /><br />
<br />
I am five and a half weeks pregnant... but I am miscarrying.<br />
<br />
I am sad and frustrated... incredibly frustrated. Going through infertility treatments requires so much money, so much time... so much is invested in this one chance to have a baby. And to be so close... yet so far away... it is beyond frustrating.<br />
<br />
So now we wait. We have five embryos on ice across town... praying one of them will make their debut into this world someday.Bethanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09481397897364739480noreply@blogger.com74tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4901975288204908132.post-18959849845134278162012-03-01T22:22:00.000-05:002012-03-10T11:33:24.245-05:00A special request from Mason...Mason came home from school today telling me that he wants to raise money for leukemia. His school is hosting Pennies for Patients for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. Mason knows that some of our closest friends have been affected by leukemia; one of my best friends has CML and several of our friends' kids have had different types of leukemia. Having Down syndrome increases the risk of leukemia, so this is something that is pretty near and dear to our hearts.<br />
<br />
Mason is bound and determined to raise the most money in his school for leukemia ... and hopefully get a pizza party for his class. I told him that I would help him set up a fundraiser here on my blog ... but that he needed to be the one to ask for help. So without further ado, I had the mike over to Mason.<br />
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<img alt="IMG_5163wm" height="477" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7188/6945423651_1b7a684b17_o.jpg" width="640" /><br />
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THERE IS A GIRL WITH LEUKEMIA NAMED GABY. I NEED TO RAISE MONEY. SHE IS 10 YEARS OLD. SHE GOT IT IN AUGUST 2007. LEUKEMIA IS WHEN SOMETHING RONG WITH YOUR BLOD. ME AND MY SISTER NEED HELP. WE NEED TO COLLECT AS MUCH MONEY AS WE CAN TO HELP. ANY AMNT IS WELCOME. MY GOAL IS TO GET 300 DOLERS FOR EACH OF US.<br />
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<br />
PLEASE HELP US.<br />
MASON<br />
<br />
To donate... simply click on the chip in widget or paypal direct to bethanybalsis@mac.com ... thank you for helping Mason's goal come true!<br />
<br />
*Edited 3/10/12 - the first chipin expired, so we created a second one for the remainder of his goal. Thank you!Bethanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09481397897364739480noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4901975288204908132.post-69532468354360548112012-02-14T07:46:00.000-05:002012-02-15T07:46:08.026-05:00happy heart day.<img alt="IMG_4365wm" height="427" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7207/6880632091_5b66067873_o.jpg" width="640" />Bethanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09481397897364739480noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4901975288204908132.post-32973471701219115342012-02-02T22:58:00.001-05:002012-02-02T22:58:57.244-05:00... all the love in the world.We headed upstairs as we prepared for bedtime last night. Mason and Payton were a little behind... they wanted to <i>"get water"</i> to take to bed with them. A common ritual in our house. The two of them then ran up the stairs like a herd of elephants, exclaiming that they had made lemonade.<br />
<br />
Payton held up her cup and yelled, <i>"Mom! 'Nade!"</i><br />
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<img alt="IMG_4290wm" height="640" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7024/6809983509_0b301d46ec_o.jpg" width="640" /><br />
<br />
Encouraging her for a job well done -- and wondering how in the hell she made lemonade, I said, <i>"You made lemonade? Whoa, good job!" </i><br />
<br />
Fast forward... the kids went to bed and Kyle and I retreated downstairs. I went to the kitchen to grab the Mt. Dew I had opened just before we went upstairs. <strike>I understand I could have a better choice of drinks... it <i>is</i> my guilty pleasure. You drink wine, I drink Mt. Dew. You drink beer, I drink Mt. Dew. You smoke, I drink Mt. Dew. <i>Ha</i></strike>.<br />
<br />
<i>Empty.</i><br />
<br />
Uh huh. <i>Lemonade alright! </i><br />
<br />
Kyle and I sat there, laughed and tried to figure just exactly how that conversation went down.<br />
<br />
Mason: <i>Here Payton, want some of Mom's Mt. Dew?</i><br />
Payton: <i>Yeah!</i><br />
Mason: <i>Okay, tell Mom it is lemonade. Okay?</i><br />
Payton: <i>Yeah... 'nade!</i><br />
<br />
Little <strike>shits</strike> stinkers. <i>Little love muffins.</i><br />
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<img alt="IMG_4315wm" height="427" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7161/6809983449_f6cd535847_o.jpg" width="640" /><br />
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It is moments like these that I sit back and say, <i>"See self... she totally gets it. She can lie with the rest of 'em. She can deceive with the rest of 'em. She might have Down syndrome... but that doesn't stop her from nothing!"</i><br />
<br />
And she sure is damn cute while she's at it.<br />
<br />
::<br />
<br />
I recently came across this cross that we were given when we adopted
Nika. In all honesty... I don't even remember receiving it. But it was
such a blessing to find it.<br />
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<img alt="IMG_4320wm" height="640" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7023/6809983253_3432f042e3_o.jpg" width="640" /><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>It says her Russian name + baptism + February 2, 2007.</i></span><br />
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It is the cross she was given... I presume... at her baptism.<br />
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<br />
Today is the five year anniversary of the day Nika was baptized. At the time... she was an orphan living in a Russian baby home.<br />
<br />
There is so much we don't know about those first two years of her life... so much we <i>wish</i> we knew. And so much we don't know about her baptism... I guess I feel blessed to know that she even <i>was</i> baptized... Russian Orthodox, I assume? Did she have sponsors? <i>I don't know</i>... wish I knew.<br />
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<img alt="IMG_4350wm" height="427" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7006/6809735745_278cb41d02_o.jpg" width="640" /><br />
<br />
I
really have this yearning tonight to find Nika's birth parents. It
isn't often that I even think of them... but tonight, I am. I really
just want to <i>see</i> them. And if ever given the opportunity... I would <i>love</i>
to show them that this little girl that they had no hope for... she is
doing amazing things. And she is so deserving of all the love in the
world.<br />
<br />
<img alt="IMG_4282wm" height="427" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7157/6793742189_a5f11c452f_o.jpg" width="640" />Bethanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09481397897364739480noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4901975288204908132.post-86910019726133939022012-01-29T18:55:00.000-05:002012-01-29T18:55:12.920-05:00Doing for myself.My girls are overly obsessed with YouTube... I have only caught them watching donkeys mate once so far. <i>It's all good.</i> Mostly Payton likes to watch the bird's eye view of a roller coaster... <i>no idea... </i>she's wild at heart. And then there is <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_OBlgSz8sSM">Charlie</a>... Nika has every word of this video memorized. It's hilarious... <i>Charlie!</i><br />
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And if it isn't the iPad... then it's the iPod or my iPhone. <br />
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We need to have a serious intervention... Nika, especially. It is a rare moment that she is not playing on... or headed for... the iPad. It has sort of become a joke in our house... <i>Nika, step away from the iPad.</i><br />
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::<br />
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We went to the auto show yesterday... family bonding day at the auto show with my mom and grandmother. We drove into DC and as we patrolled the streets for a parking lot... we saw a spot opening up on the street. There was a man... he appeared to be homeless, <i>but who am I to classify</i>... that stood in the road, waving me into the parking spot, as if he was in charge of the street parking. I did my parallel-parking deal and he stood behind my car, waving me on and telling me when to stop. Once parked... he kindly approached my window.<br />
<br />
<i>You are in a public parking spot.</i> I agreed and said, <i>"Yes I am."</i> <i>But look all around you and you will see that each and every parking lot around here is $25+. </i>Indeed.<i> So you decide how much my assistance was worth to you today... have a great day.</i><br />
<br />
Dude walks over to the sidewalk, I roll up my window, laugh and ask, <i>"Is this corruption? Seriously. Bribery at its best!"</i> We all agreed that dude deserved a chunk of change... I think we came up with $12 cash. That, or we joked that quite possibly we would return to four flat tires... or a missing car. Dude thanked us and walked away counting his cash. <i>Such suckers we are.</i><br />
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<img alt="IMG_4246wm" height="427" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7015/6783519751_fc49d4b927_z.jpg" width="640" /> <br />
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When all was said and done... I think my facebook status said something like this...<br />
<br />
<i>Home from the auto show and my babes are in bed. Note to self: Never
take 3 kids to auto show again. Nika could care less. Payton got her
fingers shut in a car door by her brother, on accident. And um, I hate
cars... found the bimbos walking around talking cars with dudes more
entertaining than anything. Oh, and trying to figure out who the secret
service was there guarding. </i><br />
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<img alt="IMG_4252wm" height="427" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7031/6783519791_fb4fa1c874_z.jpg" width="640" /><br />
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::<br />
<br />
Payton: *walks out of room* Bye Mom. Schoo.<br />
Me: You are going to school?<br />
Payton: Yeah.<br />
Me: Okay, see ya!<br />
Payton: See ya!<br />
Me: *rolling with laughter at the way she mimicked me*<br />
Payton: MOM! PAY-TON.<br />
Me: You're Payton?<br />
Payton: Yeah. PAY-TON.<br />
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<img alt="Balsis_034wm" height="426" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7160/6785017619_009ac7e622_z.jpg" width="640" /><br />
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Now that Payton can say her name and she realizes as much... she is not appreciative of anyone calling her anything else. <i>Honey. Girlfriend. Sweetie.</i> She ain't having it... she quickly will turn to you, and demand, <i>"PAY-TON!"</i><br />
<br />
Duh peoples... her name is PAY-TON. That is said with a clear break in syllables... you know, in case you were wondering.<br />
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<img alt="Balsis_048wm" height="479" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7142/6785017785_f1f0658d0b_z.jpg" width="640" /><br />
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<i>She's hilarious.</i><br />
<br />
Here is PAY-TON cheering... ohmygosh, she is doing so well. We think she has deemed herself head cheerleader. Her coaches kindly put her in her place... which she so needs. <i>Ha.</i><br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/t_CB7UQEtIE" width="640"></iframe><br />
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Her squad has a new cheer that they are doing to introduce them at the beginning of games. They do their thing and then each one of the girls presents herself by saying her name. I missed it this weekend because I was in the other gym with Mason... but Kyle texted me after the cheer...<i> Payton did her cheer perfect and said her name on cue and everything.</i><br />
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<img alt="IMG_4243wm" height="427" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7009/6784921615_200247f111_z.jpg" width="640" /><br />
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Love.<i> And so, so proud.</i><br />
<br />
::<br />
<br />
Been trying to take some time for me... doing little things I wouldn't normally do. Little things, that once you do them... you wonder why you don't do them more often.<br />
<br />
The local cupcake shop. Why have I never been there and why don't I go more often? <i>Heaven.</i><br />
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<img alt="IMG_4212wm" height="427" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7154/6775785537_5798477e19_z.jpg" width="640" /><br />
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A bath. I don't think I have taken a bath since I was trying to force myself into labor with Mason. <i>For reals.</i><br />
<br />
A hot drink from Starbucks. I don't drink coffee, so I rarely go there. But once in awhile some hot cocoa in a little Starbucks cup... it relaxes me and makes me feel happy. And walking around with that cup in my hand makes me totally get the Starbucks obsession. <br />
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<img alt="bath-starbucks-wm" height="318" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7155/6785325943_7328c8614b_z.jpg" width="640" /><br />
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Breakfast. On the griddle... something I rarely do. And eggs without broken yolks = a happy day.<br />
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<img alt="IMG_4262wm" height="427" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7170/6782471897_6c0dcf592c_z.jpg" width="640" /><br />
<br />
Beer bread. I love to bake... not sure why I don't do it more often. It makes me feel all Martha. Last weekend, I made some beer bread for football Sunday. In my world, beer bread is reserved for parties. It made me happy to make it... <i>just because.</i><br />
<br />
A splurge. I have become obsessed with schoolhouse lights... and sort of went on a mission to find the one that was just right for my laundry room. <i>Love.</i><br />
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<img alt="bread-light-wm" height="318" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7169/6785325723_5f8ec0b8e3_z.jpg" width="640" /><br />
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I am a nerd... I understand this. <i>Ha.</i> I realize it sounds stupid... but just the feeling of actually doing for myself... it triggered something. <i>Momma likey.</i><br />
<br />
::<br />
<br />
'Til next time.<br />
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<img alt="IMG_4186wm" height="427" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7161/6773856085_3a321385ea_z.jpg" width="640" /><br />
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<img alt="IMG_4146wm" height="427" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7154/6766695587_5acf7c4e1c_z.jpg" width="640" />Bethanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09481397897364739480noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4901975288204908132.post-41373343270846785692012-01-20T11:15:00.000-05:002012-01-20T11:16:02.522-05:00a letter to parents.At the beginning of the school year, I had a lot of anxiety over Payton's relationship with the other kids in her class. The same old worries... <i>would they like her, would they play with her, would they consider her a friend, would they be helpful to her... or would they shy away from her because they see her as different than them.</i><br />
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<img alt="IMG_3958wm" height="479" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7005/6731249045_673be1b731_z.jpg" width="640" /><br />
<br />
I went back and forth, trying to decide whether or not to send a letter home to the other parents in her kindergarten class. I bounced the idea off of her teacher, bounced it off of my mommy friends... <i>those with kids that have special needs and those that don't.</i> The consensus was... it's a good idea.<br />
<br />
So... Kyle and I drafted a letter. It was hard... mostly because we didn't want to come across as crazy overbearing parents... and we wanted everyone to know that we are an open book. That we understand that most people don't really get what having Down syndrome means for Payton... and without being told, that they don't really know that our expectations of Payton are the same as that of her big brother. <br />
<br />
<img alt="IMG_3890wm" height="476" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7165/6731248933_b2b1fbafee_z.jpg" width="640" /><br />
<br />
<i>Dear parents, </i><br />
<br />
<i>As we settle into this school year, we would like to take the opportunity to give you a special introduction to our daughter … Payton … who is in Mrs. xxxxxxxxx kindergarten class. </i><br />
<br />
<i>Payton is a very independent, active little girl. She enjoys a wide variety of activities … playing house, reading and dancing … but mostly she just loves anything that involves being with her friends. She is a sports fanatic … thanks to her big brother … and she just completed tball season through the Greater xxxxxxxx Baseball League. She also is in Daisies and will be cheerleading for basketball this winter through Upward. </i><br />
<br />
<i>Besides being a very “typical” kindergartener, Payton also happens to have Down syndrome. Your child might come home wanting to know more about her and why she is a little different. Based on our past experiences, most questions from children this age are related to Payton’s speech and her inability to communicate effectively. </i><br />
<br />
<i>Payton has Childhood Apraxia of Speech. While we are able to communicate with her well, it can sometimes be hard for others to understand her. She can talk, but Apraxia (a speech disorder) makes it hard for her to form certain consonant/vowel combinations. Sometimes she drops beginning sounds, sometimes ending sounds. Sometimes none at all. For example, she says “No” quite well. :) Or … “Max” will sound like “Ax” … “Milk” she cannot say at all (that l/k combination is very hard) and so she signs it (envision using your hand to milk a cow by squeezing). Payton works very hard in speech therapy several hours per week to conquer her speech delay. She has a long way to go, but she has come so far and we are so proud of her! </i><br />
<br />
<i>Like most children, Payton has an insatiable curiosity and strongly desires to be independent … did we mention that? :) She is primarily a visual learner and will imitate what she sees others doing. We encourage you to share what you feel is appropriate about Payton with your children so that they can understand how she is different, but more importantly how she is the same as they are. Encourage them to support her without babying her, and to talk to her like they would anyone else, perhaps giving her a bit more time to respond and a little more explanation if she does not understand. They can also remind her to stay with them if they see her heading away from the group, and to make sure she is keeping her hands to herself. </i><br />
<br />
<i>Research has shown that children with Down syndrome benefit from placement in a regular education class, receiving their education alongside typically developing peers of their own age. Regular opportunities to learn and play alongside typically developing peers gives children with Down syndrome the role models they need to acquire new skills, encourage age-appropriate behavior, and develop independence and friendships. </i><br />
<br />
<i>
Inclusive education benefits not only our child, but studies have shown that inclusion has a great benefit to the other children in the class. Inclusion facilitates greater understanding, tolerance, as well as learning to be supportive of one another. Children also learn to value diversity and to appreciate that everyone has something beneficial to bring to the life of the school and the community. </i><br />
<br />
<i>We are grateful for your support and for the support that Payton will have in Mrs. xxxxxxxxx class. She will have a team of people that will help support her learning needs and facilitate the inclusion support. We are also grateful for the opportunity to be in a learning community together and look forward to meeting you (if we haven’t already) and working together for a great year at xxxxxxx. </i><br />
<br />
<i>If you have any questions about Payton or Down syndrome, please feel free to contact us at (insert email here) or (insert phone number here). We are very open about our experience and in talking about what it means to have Down syndrome … no question is a silly question and we would rather share with you, than have you wonder. :)</i><br />
<br />
<i>Sincerely, </i><br />
<i>
Kyle and Bethany Balsis </i><br />
<br />
<i>ps … We have put together a Q&A on the reverse side to help you field some questions that your child might have, or to help you in talking with your child about Payton. We hope this is helpful to you. :)</i><br />
<br />
What is Down syndrome?<br />
<i>Children born with Down syndrome have one extra chromosome in some or all of their cells. The chromosomes contain directions that tell your body how to grow. When a child has an extra chromosome it mixes up her body’s directions a little. That is why they may look a little different and have to try harder to learn. </i><br />
<br />
Will Payton always have Down syndrome?<br />
<i>Yes, it is something she will never outgrow. </i><br />
<br />
Will Payton be able to do things like me?<br />
<i>Yes, she will be able to do everything like you do, it may just take her a little longer to learn than most kids. She will learn to talk more clearly too, it’s just that learning to talk is often very hard, but just like anything, with a lot of hard work and practice she will get better over time. Payton also can do things you might not be able to do yet, like use sign language. </i><br />
<br />
Is Payton sad that she has Down syndrome?<br />
<i>No, right now Payton is happy to be a growing little girl. She feels successful in her life; she loves to learn new things, just like you and me. You’re fortunate to be growing up in a world where people understand that everyone is unique, but that we all enjoy and want the same things, like having loving families and friends, going to school, and being accepted for who we are.
</i><br />
<br />
<img alt="IMG_4054wm" height="427" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7145/6731303315_a240d7bbee_z.jpg" width="640" /><br />
<br />
We received great feedback after the letter was sent. I think some of the parents (maybe all, I have no idea) appreciate our transparency. And well... <i>we</i> appreciate <i>them</i> more than they know... <i>and</i> we appreciate them having that conversation with their child.<br />
<br />
Kids don't know what they don't know... and we are so thankful for the amazing kids that Payton has in her class this year. It has made her being included in general education so much easier... so if you are reading, <i>thank you.</i>Bethanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09481397897364739480noreply@blogger.com38tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4901975288204908132.post-90333002238144326782012-01-19T23:26:00.000-05:002012-01-19T23:26:40.128-05:00Breaking the barrier.Sitting here on a cold frosty morning with my sleepy eyed babies... all of us piled on our less-than-large-enough couch... one blanket to go around. Nika the last to rise and join us, she crawls up next to Payton and says, <i>"Blankey? Me?"</i><br />
<br />
To most... this may seem insignificant. To me... <i>this is big</i>. Having been an orphan in her past life, Nika tends to be a very stay-behind-the-scenes, submissive kid. That's not to say she can't throw a good temper tantrum. <i>Ha. </i><br />
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<img alt="IMG_9588wm" height="427" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7001/6727142535_5b154e05dd_z.jpg" width="640" /><br />
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<i>At one time</i>... she would not have joined us on the couch, until invited. She would have sat on the floor in front of us... as if she was not worthy.<br />
<br />
<i>At one time</i>... she would not have asked for some blanket, until offered. She would have sat next to us and shivered... as if she was not worthy.<br />
<br />
<img alt="IMG_9568wm" height="427" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7016/6727142511_27cbd87a2f_z.jpg" width="640" /><br />
<br />
It has taken us awhile to get her out of orphan mode, when it comes to certain things... and we still have a journey ahead of us. One of her goals in speech therapy has been to use her words and ask for things on her own without being prompted... like something as simple as asking for help. <br />
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<img alt="IMG_9554wm" height="476" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7027/6727142503_9cbcc26dab_z.jpg" width="640" /><br />
<br />
We are getting there... we are breaking this thick barrier. <i>It is good.</i><br />
<br />
<img alt="IMG_9582wm" height="427" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7157/6727142523_67a3902d32_z.jpg" width="640" /><br />
<br />
::<br />
<br />
I think I'm nesting... only I don't quite have a reason to nest. Other than the fact that my house has way too much crap in it and I am close to deeming myself a hoarder.<br />
<br />
Okay, not really... but we do have too much crap. It's sickening, really.<br />
<br />
One problem... I tend to jump from project to project. If any one thing ever gets completed... it is a reason to celebrate.<br />
<br />
Yesterday's project... front closet makeover. This closet faces the <a href="http://thebalsisfamily.blogspot.com/2011/12/clutter-be-gone.html">kids' backpack corner</a> and it is for shoes only. Previously, I had plastic fabric shoe racks hanging from the shelf above.<br />
<br />
But three kids + plastic fabric = disaster.<br />
<br />
I decided to remove the shelf, paint and install those wooden cubby shoe racks... three of them stacked vertically.<br />
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<img alt="IMG_4129wm" height="356" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7145/6729082809_07989eb73b_z.jpg" width="640" /><br />
<br />
Fairly boring, really... but great for organizing shoes. Especially considering we are always missing one shoe of every pair... not an ideal situation when you are trying to get out of the house with children in tow.<br />
<br />
::<br />
<br />
Mason started winter training for baseball with a local pro this week... he is so excited. I love that he has something that he loves so much. He has become quite the little baseball player... my baby ain't so much a baby anymore.<br />
<br />
<img alt="IMG_3855wm" height="427" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7033/6729133583_db7943002f_z.jpg" width="640" /><br />
<br />
<i>Love him.</i>Bethanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09481397897364739480noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4901975288204908132.post-44270870483745617622012-01-16T13:43:00.000-05:002012-01-16T13:43:21.783-05:00happy birthday bubs.<div style="text-align: center;">
my dearest mason.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
you are eight.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
eight years ago...</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
i would have said that your 8th birthday seemed centuries away.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
but here we are.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<img alt="IMG_9126bwwm" height="640" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7151/6708868823_6046932803_z.jpg" width="640" /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
you are caring. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
you have compassion.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
you are so helpful, loving and patient.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
we are often told by others how great of a big brother you are.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and they are so right.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
God knew exactly what he was doing when he gave you that role.</div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<img alt="Balsis_079wm" height="429" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7035/6709037699_2f81aaa9c2_z.jpg" width="640" /></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
i asked you to list your favorite things...</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
baseball. football. basketball.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
macaroni and cheese.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
ride bike. play outside.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
legos. video games.</div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<img alt="IMG_3822" height="427" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7163/6708896545_5422ddbfb6_z.jpg" width="640" /> </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br />
happy birthday bubs.<br />
we love you like crazy.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
::</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
the party.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="http://rollingvideogames.com/">rolling video games.</a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
it was awesome.<br />
<br />
<img alt="IMG_4012wm" height="427" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7170/6709151987_f678586b9a_z.jpg" width="640" /> <br />
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<img alt="IMG_3978wm" height="427" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7013/6709287157_2de1b851bf_z.jpg" width="640" /> <br />
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<img alt="IMG_4016wm" height="427" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7151/6709151833_ab095178bb_z.jpg" width="640" /> <br />
<br />
mason and his buddy are just a few days apart.<br />
they wanted to have a joint party... so we did.<br />
these two are gonna give us a run for our money one day.<br />
<i>love them. </i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<img alt="IMG_3979wm" height="427" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7031/6709284683_2d20ce1b3e_z.jpg" width="640" /><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and it ain't no party without a cute snack table.<br />
corn dogs. nachos. popcorn. and a coke.<br />
that is pure healthiness, right there. <i>ha.</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<img alt="IMG_3985wm" height="427" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7167/6709154077_28dd9854d0_z.jpg" width="640" /></div>
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<img alt="IMG_3992wm" height="427" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7031/6709154261_10dcaf92f6_z.jpg" width="640" /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br />
the trailer was awesome.<br />
four big screens inside... two outside.<br />
16 game controllers. and one long bench.<br />
there are also subwoofers under the trailer that make it vibrate.<br />
add a little mood lighting... and lots of noise.<br />
an 8 year old boy's idea of heaven.<br />
<br />
<img alt="IMG_4021wm" height="427" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7028/6709151241_8f05cd7e69_z.jpg" width="640" /><br />
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<img alt="IMG_4009wm" height="427" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7163/6709152103_c7908f9701_z.jpg" width="640" /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br />
<img alt="IMG_4025wm" height="427" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7005/6709151443_a6d89d4d15_z.jpg" width="640" /><br />
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
the sisters outside getting jiggy to just dance.<br />
<br /></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<img alt="IMG_4002wm" height="427" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7001/6709152255_5a9166fca2_z.jpg" width="640" /><br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>happy birthday to you.</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>happy birthday to you. </i></div>
<br /></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<img alt="IMG_4032wm" height="427" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7016/6709151713_21d0d771aa_z.jpg" width="640" /><br />
<br />
<i>happy birthday dear mason and max.</i><br />
<i>happy birthday to you.</i><br />
<br />
<img alt="IMG_4041wm" height="427" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7026/6709151549_e61f9c5617_z.jpg" width="640" /><br />
<br />
and a balloon release to cap off the day.<br />
<i>perfect.</i><br />
<br />
<img alt="IMG_4102wm" height="640" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7155/6709423203_4daa405459_z.jpg" width="640" /><br />
<br />
<img alt="IMG_4103wm" height="427" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7154/6709151139_e2a1b659f7_z.jpg" width="640" /></div>Bethanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09481397897364739480noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4901975288204908132.post-60563475442885531102012-01-12T15:49:00.001-05:002012-01-12T23:11:37.565-05:00reflection... six years later.Six years ago this week, our baby girl entered the world. As she laid on my chest shortly after delivery, I looked down at her and vulnerably stated, <i>"I don't think she is supposed to be this color."</i> Indeed... she was having serious problems breathing and was taken to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit.<br />
<br />
<img alt="birth" height="480" src="http://farm3.staticflickr.com/2744/4254453350_f115d4fc73_z.jpg?zz=1" width="640" /><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>shortly after delivery (don't mind the blood and gore)</i></span></div>
<br />
Traumatized from having my baby girl whisked out of the delivery room... I don't remember much. Although, I <i>do</i> remember a nurse wheeling me into the NICU to see my daughter. As I peeked over her isolette and saw her swollen little eyes... I knew in my heart that she had Down syndrome.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<img alt="birth-4-wm" height="367" src="http://farm6.staticflickr.com/5048/5331934667_7cfeb6e5cd_z.jpg" width="550" /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>shortly after being stabilized in the nicu</i></span><br />
<br /></div>
At the time, I didn't voice my concerns to anyone... not even my husband. I think I thought that if I didn't talk about it... then perhaps it wasn't a reality. Eventually the doctors voiced <i>their</i> concerns... and they were the same as mine. We <i>truly</i> didn't know what having a child with Down syndrome meant for our family.<br />
<br />
<i>Looking back... I'm kind of sad that I was never educated. I really didn't know a thing about Down syndrome... or disabilities, in general. I didn't know anybody that had Down syndrome and I had nothing to look forward to. Our doctors were not the most supportive and the brochures that we were given regarding our daughter's diagnosis were less than promising. I felt more than alone.</i><br />
<br />
<i>This is why we educate and advocate however and whenever we can. We live our life... Down syndrome or not. We put ourselves out there and try to show the world that Down syndrome ain't so bad. </i><i>Down syndrome is not a death sentence... hell, it isn't even debilitating. It is true love. It is sheer joy. It is acceptance of differences and embracing the same. </i><br />
<br />
<img alt="IMG_7349wm" height="427" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7018/6687841559_ee0655c897_z.jpg" width="640" /><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>summer 2011</i></span></div>
<br />
<i>We have always said that if just one person is touched by our girls... then our job is done. But our prayer is that we go beyond that... I think we already have and we will continue to do so.</i><br />
<br />
<i> </i><br />
Six years ago this week, I sat in a booth at Chuck E Cheese with tears streaming down my face. We were there trying to have some semblance of a celebration for Mason's second birthday... the same day that we were to bring our daughter home from the hospital... seven days after her birth.<br />
<br />
As I sat there, I couldn't help but watch the children run, laugh and play... all the while trying to hold back my tears... which was nearly impossible. I wondered how Payton would fit in to a scene like Chuck E Cheese. Would she even be interested in something like that? And if so, would the other children play with her... or would they stare and shy away from her? My heart broke all over again that day.<br />
<br />
<i>We often say... if only we knew then what we know now. Payton is just one of the kids. She plays, runs, climbs. She enjoys the same activities that all children do... and she does them just the same. She has play dates with her friends. She gets invited to birthday parties... and <a href="http://thebalsisfamily.blogspot.com/2012/01/shes-six.html">she has some pretty amazing parties of her own</a>. She plays tball, she is in girl scouts and she is even on a cheerleading squad for a local basketball program.</i><br />
<br />
<img alt="IMG_8128wm" height="427" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7148/6687801469_7df0e56e29_z.jpg" width="640" /><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>summer 2011</i></span></div>
<br />
<i>While Payton might not have all the social norms down pat... she has fun and she loves what she does. We could care less how far she hits the ball, how many words to a cheer she knows or even how many moves she misses. She is happy to be with her peers... doing what girls do. We are so proud of her and her happy-go-lucky self.</i><br />
<br />
<br />
Six years ago this week, we wondered what school would look like for our daughter. Would Payton be educated with her peers? What would her learning look like? Would she have friends? Would the other kids make fun of her?<br />
<br />
<i>I have to say... we are so blessed with our team at school. Payton is included in a regular kindergarten classroom 100% of the time, with some push-in support. She is doing amazingly well... and a big part of that is her peer support. Yes, she has friends. No, they don't make fun of her. They are proud of her and they help her along however they can.</i><br />
<br />
<i>The other day I walked into her classroom, and one little girl ran up to me, "Payton passed her test today!" She was so proud of her... as was I. The kids understand that Payton needs more support than they do... they understand that it takes her a little longer to learn the things they do. It is good... we are in a great place and it makes my heart happy. One of my DS momma friends once joked that her daughter is like the mayor of the school... ohmygosh, so true. When you walk down the hall with Payton, every.single.kid... "Hi Payton B, Hi Payton B, Hi Payton B." Love.</i><br />
<br />
<img alt="IMG_3663wm" height="427" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7005/6663360741_3763a6b178_z.jpg" width="640" /><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>payton and some of her classmates</i></span></div>
<br />
<i>Here is where I will say that inclusion is hard work. I had to push a bit to make this happen, but we are so lucky to have a team that was willing to try... and willing to be educated about how to make this work for Payton. And I think she is showing them over and over again that she can do this. Inclusion can be successful, you just have to know how to make it work. You need to support your teacher and be present in the classroom. You need to network with the other parents and help them to understand Down syndrome, so they can relay that to their children. And so far... it is working.</i><br />
<br />
::<br />
<br />
Man, I love that chick so much... she has changed my life forever. I was bawling the other day just thinking of <a href="http://thebalsisfamily.blogspot.com/2012/01/this-is-huge-for-us.html">how far she has come</a> and how thankful I am for the blessings in our life. I'm not sure how many years I have cut off my life worrying about both of my girls... many of those worries unnecessary in hindsight, but when you don't know what you don't know... you worry.<br />
<br />
<img alt="IMG_9750wm" height="427" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7032/6687903915_8d415984a1_z.jpg" width="640" /><br />
<br />
Six years later, I hope we have shown in some way that life is good having Down syndrome in it. <i></i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<img alt="IMG_3879blackwm" height="427" src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7141/6684038461_1fb9fdcc18_z.jpg" width="640" />Bethanyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09481397897364739480noreply@blogger.com118