our perfectly imperfect life

happy heart day.

2012-02-14T07:46:00.000-05:00

... all the love in the world.

2012-02-02T22:58:00.001-05:00

We headed upstairs as we prepared for bedtime last night. Mason and Payton were a little behind... they wanted to "get water" to take to bed with them. A common ritual in our house. The two of them then ran up the stairs like a herd of elephants, exclaiming that they had made lemonade.

Payton held up her cup and yelled, "Mom! 'Nade!"

Encouraging her for a job well done -- and wondering how in the hell she made lemonade, I said, "You made lemonade? Whoa, good job!"

Fast forward... the kids went to bed and Kyle and I retreated downstairs. I went to the kitchen to grab the Mt. Dew I had opened just before we went upstairs. ~~I understand I could have a better choice of drinks... it is my guilty pleasure. You drink wine, I drink Mt. Dew. You drink beer, I drink Mt. Dew. You smoke, I drink Mt. Dew. Ha~~.

Empty.

Uh huh. Lemonade alright!

Kyle and I sat there, laughed and tried to figure just exactly how that conversation went down.

Mason: Here Payton, want some of Mom's Mt. Dew?
Payton: Yeah!
Mason: Okay, tell Mom it is lemonade. Okay?
Payton: Yeah... 'nade!

Little ~~shits~~ stinkers. Little love muffins.

It is moments like these that I sit back and say, "See self... she totally gets it. She can lie with the rest of 'em. She can deceive with the rest of 'em. She might have Down syndrome... but that doesn't stop her from nothing!"

And she sure is damn cute while she's at it.

::

I recently came across this cross that we were given when we adopted Nika. In all honesty... I don't even remember receiving it. But it was such a blessing to find it.

It says her Russian name + baptism + February 2, 2007.

It is the cross she was given... I presume... at her baptism.

Today is the five year anniversary of the day Nika was baptized. At the time... she was an orphan living in a Russian baby home.

There is so much we don't know about those first two years of her life... so much we wish we knew. And so much we don't know about her baptism... I guess I feel blessed to know that she even was baptized... Russian Orthodox, I assume? Did she have sponsors? I don't know... wish I knew.

I really have this yearning tonight to find Nika's birth parents. It isn't often that I even think of them... but tonight, I am. I really just want to see them. And if ever given the opportunity... I would love to show them that this little girl that they had no hope for... she is doing amazing things. And she is so deserving of all the love in the world.

Doing for myself.

2012-01-29T18:55:00.000-05:00

My girls are overly obsessed with YouTube... I have only caught them watching donkeys mate once so far. It's all good. Mostly Payton likes to watch the bird's eye view of a roller coaster... no idea... she's wild at heart. And then there is Charlie... Nika has every word of this video memorized. It's hilarious... Charlie!

And if it isn't the iPad... then it's the iPod or my iPhone.

We need to have a serious intervention... Nika, especially. It is a rare moment that she is not playing on... or headed for... the iPad. It has sort of become a joke in our house... Nika, step away from the iPad.

::

We went to the auto show yesterday... family bonding day at the auto show with my mom and grandmother. We drove into DC and as we patrolled the streets for a parking lot... we saw a spot opening up on the street. There was a man... he appeared to be homeless, but who am I to classify... that stood in the road, waving me into the parking spot, as if he was in charge of the street parking. I did my parallel-parking deal and he stood behind my car, waving me on and telling me when to stop. Once parked... he kindly approached my window.

You are in a public parking spot. I agreed and said, "Yes I am." But look all around you and you will see that each and every parking lot around here is $25+. Indeed. So you decide how much my assistance was worth to you today... have a great day.

Dude walks over to the sidewalk, I roll up my window, laugh and ask, "Is this corruption? Seriously. Bribery at its best!" We all agreed that dude deserved a chunk of change... I think we came up with $12 cash. That, or we joked that quite possibly we would return to four flat tires... or a missing car. Dude thanked us and walked away counting his cash. Such suckers we are.

When all was said and done... I think my facebook status said something like this...

Home from the auto show and my babes are in bed. Note to self: Never take 3 kids to auto show again. Nika could care less. Payton got her fingers shut in a car door by her brother, on accident. And um, I hate cars... found the bimbos walking around talking cars with dudes more entertaining than anything. Oh, and trying to figure out who the secret service was there guarding.

::

Payton: *walks out of room* Bye Mom. Schoo.
Me: You are going to school?
Payton: Yeah.
Me: Okay, see ya!
Payton: See ya!
Me: *rolling with laughter at the way she mimicked me*
Payton: MOM! PAY-TON.
Me: You're Payton?
Payton: Yeah. PAY-TON.

Now that Payton can say her name and she realizes as much... she is not appreciative of anyone calling her anything else. Honey. Girlfriend. Sweetie. She ain't having it... she quickly will turn to you, and demand, "PAY-TON!"

Duh peoples... her name is PAY-TON. That is said with a clear break in syllables... you know, in case you were wondering.

She's hilarious.

Here is PAY-TON cheering... ohmygosh, she is doing so well. We think she has deemed herself head cheerleader. Her coaches kindly put her in her place... which she so needs. Ha.

Her squad has a new cheer that they are doing to introduce them at the beginning of games. They do their thing and then each one of the girls presents herself by saying her name. I missed it this weekend because I was in the other gym with Mason... but Kyle texted me after the cheer... Payton did her cheer perfect and said her name on cue and everything.

Love. And so, so proud.

::

Been trying to take some time for me... doing little things I wouldn't normally do. Little things, that once you do them... you wonder why you don't do them more often.

The local cupcake shop. Why have I never been there and why don't I go more often? Heaven.

A bath. I don't think I have taken a bath since I was trying to force myself into labor with Mason. For reals.

A hot drink from Starbucks. I don't drink coffee, so I rarely go there. But once in awhile some hot cocoa in a little Starbucks cup... it relaxes me and makes me feel happy. And walking around with that cup in my hand makes me totally get the Starbucks obsession.

Breakfast. On the griddle... something I rarely do. And eggs without broken yolks = a happy day.

Beer bread. I love to bake... not sure why I don't do it more often. It makes me feel all Martha. Last weekend, I made some beer bread for football Sunday. In my world, beer bread is reserved for parties. It made me happy to make it... just because.

A splurge. I have become obsessed with schoolhouse lights... and sort of went on a mission to find the one that was just right for my laundry room. Love.

I am a nerd... I understand this. Ha. I realize it sounds stupid... but just the feeling of actually doing for myself... it triggered something. Momma likey.

::

'Til next time.

a letter to parents.

2012-01-20T11:15:00.000-05:00

At the beginning of the school year, I had a lot of anxiety over Payton's relationship with the other kids in her class. The same old worries... would they like her, would they play with her, would they consider her a friend, would they be helpful to her... or would they shy away from her because they see her as different than them.

I went back and forth, trying to decide whether or not to send a letter home to the other parents in her kindergarten class. I bounced the idea off of her teacher, bounced it off of my mommy friends... those with kids that have special needs and those that don't. The consensus was... it's a good idea.

So... Kyle and I drafted a letter. It was hard... mostly because we didn't want to come across as crazy overbearing parents... and we wanted everyone to know that we are an open book. That we understand that most people don't really get what having Down syndrome means for Payton... and without being told, that they don't really know that our expectations of Payton are the same as that of her big brother.

Dear parents,

As we settle into this school year, we would like to take the opportunity to give you a special introduction to our daughter … Payton … who is in Mrs. xxxxxxxxx kindergarten class.

Payton is a very independent, active little girl. She enjoys a wide variety of activities … playing house, reading and dancing … but mostly she just loves anything that involves being with her friends. She is a sports fanatic … thanks to her big brother … and she just completed tball season through the Greater xxxxxxxx Baseball League. She also is in Daisies and will be cheerleading for basketball this winter through Upward.

Besides being a very “typical” kindergartener, Payton also happens to have Down syndrome. Your child might come home wanting to know more about her and why she is a little different. Based on our past experiences, most questions from children this age are related to Payton’s speech and her inability to communicate effectively.

Payton has Childhood Apraxia of Speech. While we are able to communicate with her well, it can sometimes be hard for others to understand her. She can talk, but Apraxia (a speech disorder) makes it hard for her to form certain consonant/vowel combinations. Sometimes she drops beginning sounds, sometimes ending sounds. Sometimes none at all. For example, she says “No” quite well. :) Or … “Max” will sound like “Ax” … “Milk” she cannot say at all (that l/k combination is very hard) and so she signs it (envision using your hand to milk a cow by squeezing). Payton works very hard in speech therapy several hours per week to conquer her speech delay. She has a long way to go, but she has come so far and we are so proud of her!

Like most children, Payton has an insatiable curiosity and strongly desires to be independent … did we mention that? :) She is primarily a visual learner and will imitate what she sees others doing. We encourage you to share what you feel is appropriate about Payton with your children so that they can understand how she is different, but more importantly how she is the same as they are. Encourage them to support her without babying her, and to talk to her like they would anyone else, perhaps giving her a bit more time to respond and a little more explanation if she does not understand. They can also remind her to stay with them if they see her heading away from the group, and to make sure she is keeping her hands to herself.

Research has shown that children with Down syndrome benefit from placement in a regular education class, receiving their education alongside typically developing peers of their own age. Regular opportunities to learn and play alongside typically developing peers gives children with Down syndrome the role models they need to acquire new skills, encourage age-appropriate behavior, and develop independence and friendships.

Inclusive education benefits not only our child, but studies have shown that inclusion has a great benefit to the other children in the class. Inclusion facilitates greater understanding, tolerance, as well as learning to be supportive of one another. Children also learn to value diversity and to appreciate that everyone has something beneficial to bring to the life of the school and the community.

We are grateful for your support and for the support that Payton will have in Mrs. xxxxxxxxx class. She will have a team of people that will help support her learning needs and facilitate the inclusion support. We are also grateful for the opportunity to be in a learning community together and look forward to meeting you (if we haven’t already) and working together for a great year at xxxxxxx.

If you have any questions about Payton or Down syndrome, please feel free to contact us at (insert email here) or (insert phone number here). We are very open about our experience and in talking about what it means to have Down syndrome … no question is a silly question and we would rather share with you, than have you wonder. :)

Sincerely,
Kyle and Bethany Balsis

ps … We have put together a Q&A on the reverse side to help you field some questions that your child might have, or to help you in talking with your child about Payton. We hope this is helpful to you. :)

What is Down syndrome?
Children born with Down syndrome have one extra chromosome in some or all of their cells. The chromosomes contain directions that tell your body how to grow. When a child has an extra chromosome it mixes up her body’s directions a little. That is why they may look a little different and have to try harder to learn.

Will Payton always have Down syndrome?
Yes, it is something she will never outgrow.

Will Payton be able to do things like me?
Yes, she will be able to do everything like you do, it may just take her a little longer to learn than most kids. She will learn to talk more clearly too, it’s just that learning to talk is often very hard, but just like anything, with a lot of hard work and practice she will get better over time. Payton also can do things you might not be able to do yet, like use sign language.

Is Payton sad that she has Down syndrome?
No, right now Payton is happy to be a growing little girl. She feels successful in her life; she loves to learn new things, just like you and me. You’re fortunate to be growing up in a world where people understand that everyone is unique, but that we all enjoy and want the same things, like having loving families and friends, going to school, and being accepted for who we are.

We received great feedback after the letter was sent. I think some of the parents (maybe all, I have no idea) appreciate our transparency. And well... we appreciate them more than they know... and we appreciate them having that conversation with their child.

Kids don't know what they don't know... and we are so thankful for the amazing kids that Payton has in her class this year. It has made her being included in general education so much easier... so if you are reading, thank you.

Breaking the barrier.

2012-01-19T23:26:00.000-05:00

Sitting here on a cold frosty morning with my sleepy eyed babies... all of us piled on our less-than-large-enough couch... one blanket to go around. Nika the last to rise and join us, she crawls up next to Payton and says, "Blankey? Me?"

To most... this may seem insignificant. To me... this is big. Having been an orphan in her past life, Nika tends to be a very stay-behind-the-scenes, submissive kid. That's not to say she can't throw a good temper tantrum. Ha.

At one time... she would not have joined us on the couch, until invited. She would have sat on the floor in front of us... as if she was not worthy.

At one time... she would not have asked for some blanket, until offered. She would have sat next to us and shivered... as if she was not worthy.

It has taken us awhile to get her out of orphan mode, when it comes to certain things... and we still have a journey ahead of us. One of her goals in speech therapy has been to use her words and ask for things on her own without being prompted... like something as simple as asking for help.

We are getting there... we are breaking this thick barrier. It is good.

::

I think I'm nesting... only I don't quite have a reason to nest. Other than the fact that my house has way too much crap in it and I am close to deeming myself a hoarder.

Okay, not really... but we do have too much crap. It's sickening, really.

One problem... I tend to jump from project to project. If any one thing ever gets completed... it is a reason to celebrate.

Yesterday's project... front closet makeover. This closet faces the kids' backpack corner and it is for shoes only. Previously, I had plastic fabric shoe racks hanging from the shelf above.

But three kids + plastic fabric = disaster.

I decided to remove the shelf, paint and install those wooden cubby shoe racks... three of them stacked vertically.

Fairly boring, really... but great for organizing shoes. Especially considering we are always missing one shoe of every pair... not an ideal situation when you are trying to get out of the house with children in tow.

::

Mason started winter training for baseball with a local pro this week... he is so excited. I love that he has something that he loves so much. He has become quite the little baseball player... my baby ain't so much a baby anymore.

Love him.

happy birthday bubs.

2012-01-16T13:43:00.000-05:00

my dearest mason.

you are eight.

eight years ago...

i would have said that your 8th birthday seemed centuries away.

but here we are.

you are caring.

you have compassion.

you are so helpful, loving and patient.

we are often told by others how great of a big brother you are.

and they are so right.

God knew exactly what he was doing when he gave you that role.

i asked you to list your favorite things...

baseball. football. basketball.

macaroni and cheese.

ride bike. play outside.

legos. video games.

happy birthday bubs.
we love you like crazy.

the party.

rolling video games.

it was awesome.

mason and his buddy are just a few days apart.
they wanted to have a joint party... so we did.
these two are gonna give us a run for our money one day.
love them.

and it ain't no party without a cute snack table.
corn dogs. nachos. popcorn. and a coke.
that is pure healthiness, right there. ha.

the trailer was awesome.
four big screens inside... two outside.
16 game controllers. and one long bench.
there are also subwoofers under the trailer that make it vibrate.
add a little mood lighting... and lots of noise.
an 8 year old boy's idea of heaven.

the sisters outside getting jiggy to just dance.

happy birthday to you.

happy birthday dear mason and max.
happy birthday to you.

and a balloon release to cap off the day.
perfect.

reflection... six years later.

2012-01-12T15:49:00.001-05:00

Six years ago this week, our baby girl entered the world. As she laid on my chest shortly after delivery, I looked down at her and vulnerably stated, "I don't think she is supposed to be this color." Indeed... she was having serious problems breathing and was taken to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit.

shortly after delivery (don't mind the blood and gore)

Traumatized from having my baby girl whisked out of the delivery room... I don't remember much. Although, I do remember a nurse wheeling me into the NICU to see my daughter. As I peeked over her isolette and saw her swollen little eyes... I knew in my heart that she had Down syndrome.

shortly after being stabilized in the nicu

At the time, I didn't voice my concerns to anyone... not even my husband. I think I thought that if I didn't talk about it... then perhaps it wasn't a reality. Eventually the doctors voiced their concerns... and they were the same as mine. We truly didn't know what having a child with Down syndrome meant for our family.

Looking back... I'm kind of sad that I was never educated. I really didn't know a thing about Down syndrome... or disabilities, in general. I didn't know anybody that had Down syndrome and I had nothing to look forward to. Our doctors were not the most supportive and the brochures that we were given regarding our daughter's diagnosis were less than promising. I felt more than alone.

This is why we educate and advocate however and whenever we can. We live our life... Down syndrome or not. We put ourselves out there and try to show the world that Down syndrome ain't so bad. Down syndrome is not a death sentence... hell, it isn't even debilitating. It is true love. It is sheer joy. It is acceptance of differences and embracing the same.

summer 2011

We have always said that if just one person is touched by our girls... then our job is done. But our prayer is that we go beyond that... I think we already have and we will continue to do so.

Six years ago this week, I sat in a booth at Chuck E Cheese with tears streaming down my face. We were there trying to have some semblance of a celebration for Mason's second birthday... the same day that we were to bring our daughter home from the hospital... seven days after her birth.

As I sat there, I couldn't help but watch the children run, laugh and play... all the while trying to hold back my tears... which was nearly impossible. I wondered how Payton would fit in to a scene like Chuck E Cheese. Would she even be interested in something like that? And if so, would the other children play with her... or would they stare and shy away from her? My heart broke all over again that day.

We often say... if only we knew then what we know now. Payton is just one of the kids. She plays, runs, climbs. She enjoys the same activities that all children do... and she does them just the same. She has play dates with her friends. She gets invited to birthday parties... and she has some pretty amazing parties of her own. She plays tball, she is in girl scouts and she is even on a cheerleading squad for a local basketball program.

summer 2011

While Payton might not have all the social norms down pat... she has fun and she loves what she does. We could care less how far she hits the ball, how many words to a cheer she knows or even how many moves she misses. She is happy to be with her peers... doing what girls do. We are so proud of her and her happy-go-lucky self.

Six years ago this week, we wondered what school would look like for our daughter. Would Payton be educated with her peers? What would her learning look like? Would she have friends? Would the other kids make fun of her?

I have to say... we are so blessed with our team at school. Payton is included in a regular kindergarten classroom 100% of the time, with some push-in support. She is doing amazingly well... and a big part of that is her peer support. Yes, she has friends. No, they don't make fun of her. They are proud of her and they help her along however they can.

The other day I walked into her classroom, and one little girl ran up to me, "Payton passed her test today!" She was so proud of her... as was I. The kids understand that Payton needs more support than they do... they understand that it takes her a little longer to learn the things they do. It is good... we are in a great place and it makes my heart happy. One of my DS momma friends once joked that her daughter is like the mayor of the school... ohmygosh, so true. When you walk down the hall with Payton, every.single.kid... "Hi Payton B, Hi Payton B, Hi Payton B." Love.

payton and some of her classmates

Here is where I will say that inclusion is hard work. I had to push a bit to make this happen, but we are so lucky to have a team that was willing to try... and willing to be educated about how to make this work for Payton. And I think she is showing them over and over again that she can do this. Inclusion can be successful, you just have to know how to make it work. You need to support your teacher and be present in the classroom. You need to network with the other parents and help them to understand Down syndrome, so they can relay that to their children. And so far... it is working.

::

Man, I love that chick so much... she has changed my life forever. I was bawling the other day just thinking of how far she has come and how thankful I am for the blessings in our life. I'm not sure how many years I have cut off my life worrying about both of my girls... many of those worries unnecessary in hindsight, but when you don't know what you don't know... you worry.

Six years later, I hope we have shown in some way that life is good having Down syndrome in it.

this is huge for us.

2012-01-10T07:49:00.003-05:00

having an emotional morning after doing some reading with payton.

from a reading perspective and from a speech perspective.

we honestly never knew what her capabilities would be... or could be.

we always just hope for the best.

she continues to blow us out of the water.

she works so hard.

and each milestone deserves 100 gold metals.

she is reading.

she can finally say her name.

this is huge for us.

she's six.

2012-01-08T22:07:00.000-05:00

six years ago yesterday... our lives changed forever when our baby girl was born. more reflections to come this week, but for now... payton's carnival birthday celebration.

a celebration of payton's life. a celebration of down syndrome. a celebration of every thing that she is... and so much more.

the snack bar.

i made this after being inspired on pinterest. isn't it adorable? i love the pennant flags!

icy cold lemonade.

swirly pops and popcorn.

cotton candy and nachos. ~~churros and roasted peanuts~~.

carnival games.

duck pond.

bean bag toss.

clothespin drop.

face painting.

photo booth.

party hats, rock star sunglasses. and don't forget the lips and mustaches. ~~just don't glue the mustaches upside down like i apparently did... oopsie~~.

i adore this photo... payton and some of her classmates.

when we had a garage sale fundraiser a few years ago for our adoption of nika, someone gave us a polaroid camera and film. we didn't sell it and it has been sitting in storage since. kyle pulled it out and found it was fully functional... yes! photo booth perfected.

my absolutely scrumptious niece. love her.

the limbo.

hold the line please. snack break.

she's a trip.

the prize booth.

happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you!
happy birthday dear payton, happy birthday to you!

for party favors... we sent each of the girls home with a goldfish. i was really nervous the parents would kill me for this... but i knew the girls would love it. we wanted to make sure they all had some food on hand, so we borrowed some ketchup containers from *cough* a fast food chain *cough* to hold fish food.

*snickers*

trying to keep 35 goldfish alive is hard... we bought them the night before the party and 19 of them died. that is not a typo... seriously! ~~stupid fish~~. we restocked the morning of the party. lessons learned... do not feed the fish and do not admit to the pet store that the fish are for a birthday party or a carnival... because uh, they aren't allowed to sell them to you if you do. why yes sir, we do have a 10-gallon tank of um, just goldfish.

*grins*

i have to say... the goldfish were ~~damn~~ brilliant. love it... and i think everyone else did too.

after most everyone went home... we went outside so payton could let her balloons go into the sky. whew... that made my emotions let loose a bit. the finale to an amazing party... sort of symbolic, sharing the love and happiness from our day with the world.

and then more than half of the ~~damn~~ balloons got stuck in the trees.

*sigh*

let's just pretend that part didn't happen.

bye boons... in the sky!

the perfect ending.

best part of the day... seeing the happy, giddy faces of payton and her friends. there is so much that you miss when you are the party hostess ~~and have your face behind a lens~~. but... i loved hearing stories from our friends and family after everyone went home.

it makes my heart happy.

happy 6th birthday payton... i hope your day was everything you could have ever hoped for and more. one thing is evident... you are loved and supported by so many.

we are blessed beyond measure.

::

party tips... coming in a bit...

happy new year.

2012-01-01T09:44:00.000-05:00

our christmas eve traditions are some of my most favorite things.

to say the kids were excited this year would be an understatement... especially mason.

the anticipation of christmas morning was a lot for him to handle.

he had a christmas eve checklist to get us through the day.

put out the reindeer food.

he left it up on our upper balcony... with the help of his father.

you know... because the reindeer land on the roof.

track santa.

kyle surprised the kids with a projector so they could track santa on the big screen.

they thought that was the best.thing.ever.

light our christmas eve luminaries.

it is a community wide event... yet we were one of maybe two houses on our street to have them.

mason was offended and called the rest of our neighbors grinches.

no offense to our neighbors, of course, ~~but i agree with him~~. ha.

dinner at grandma's. and the festival of lights.

church.

we went to a new church this year for christmas eve service.

i liked it... very contemporary.

instead of lighting candles in the pews, everyone went to the front to light tea lights.

so calm. so peaceful. so pretty.

pajamas from the tooth fairy.

when we got home from church, the kids found gifts of pajamas on their beds.

the tooth fairy brings them every christmas eve.

it's tradition and has been since i was a kid.

'twas the night before christmas. and put out cookies and milk for santa.

christmas morning mason was the first to rise.

he was so excited and woke me.

"mom, can i just go sit downstairs and wait?"

needless to say he and i ended up waking everyone else.

isn't that how it goes? chop chop!

one of mason's favorite gifts, from his grandma...

a wooden bat and a warm up jacket for his travel baseball team.

another favorite.

american girl dolls.

yup... we took the plunge.

i have no idea where this smile came from... but it is making an appearance a lot lately. hilarious.

even gigi would like an american girl.

i took her with me to the american girl store when i bought the girls' dolls.

it was like trying to get a kid out of a candy shop.

so cute to see her light up like that.

payton is such a good little mommy.
i love watching her with her doll.

"aww!"

nika fought hard to keep her laptop to herself.

darn big sisters.

it was pretty funny... picture nika rolling across the floor, holding on for dear life.
home girl is learning to stand up for herself.

when we were in russia, we brought home a matryoshka doll for nika.

our intent was to create a collection for her...

but we don't really have access to authentic matryoshka dolls.

enter her grandparents... they got her one for christmas.

it was purchased from the moscow ballet... which has a traveling show that was here in the states.

love!

another of mason's favorite gifts this year.

~~as if we needed another nintendo ds in this house~~.

and one of my favorite gifts this year.

headphones for the kids.

black for mason. pink for payton. purple for addison.

mostly i love that they have not been buried in the madness.

the kids still grab them and throw them on.

three points for me.

we had a very blessed christmas day.

nice! a huge thank you to my in-laws.

we spent christmas evening with some of my extended family.

love them... and love that my kids will have these memories.

the kids each got small gifts to open.

and we played charades... so.much.fun.

we spent a lazy new year's eve at home as a family with my mom and grandmother.

playing games.

watching the times square celebration on television.

mason made it to about 11:50 p.m. before he just couldn't keep his eyes open any longer.

happy new year.

ps... today marks day one of my 365 journey... click here to read more. my challenge to you is to join me... pick up your camera and document your life.

pps... i finally redirected my blog to the url i bought a few years ago. i think this may mess with rss feeds, google reader, yada yada... not too sure, but check it out and edit the address if you need to... so sorry! the url is www.ourperfectlyimperfectlife.com

Merry Christmas.

2011-12-25T01:10:00.000-05:00

Spread some holiday cheer.

2011-12-23T09:39:00.001-05:00

The kids had their winter celebrations at school this week. There has been a lot of talk lately about the fact that our kids don't have holiday programs at school like we had when we were growing up. There is no singing Jingle Bells... there is no dressing up as gingerbread men. I have come to find out that many schools are still doing holiday programs... ours does not. That's all I will say about that... I am here to spread some holiday cheer... not moan Bah Humbug.

So... make crafts and eat snacks, we did.

The kids love when we come into their classes... what kid doesn't? But Payton... she really loves it. As in, the moment she sees us, she jumps up and down, hoots and hollers, "Mommy! Daddy! Yay!"

She is so damn cute.

Earlier this week, we didn't send Payton to school one morning because I wanted her swabbed for strep. She tends to get a rash on her chest when she has strep, with no other symptoms. To say she was upset that she couldn't go to school is a gross understatement. I told her that if her strep test was negative, that she could ask Dr. G if she could go to school.

Kyle said she was so adorable when the doctor came in to tell her that her test was negative.

Payton: Docker G? Schoo pwease?
Dr. G: Yes, you can go to school.
Payton (clapping): Yay! Schoo! Yay!
Dr. G: I hope she gets this excited to go to school in five years.

As they walked past the nurse's station and the receptionist to exit...

Payton (patting her chest, to signify "me"): Schoo! Schoo!

As you can tell, school is going great for Payton. More on that to come.

::

Mason's travel baseball team visited an assisted living facility yesterday with our local police. Kyle coaches the team and the girls and I were lucky enough to tag along. We wanted to expose the boys to the elderly, the needy... something a little outside of their comfort zone, all while delivering the spirit of the holiday season.

The elderly that we visited and brought gifts for was a predetermined group that was chosen by the facility. These were folks that have no visitors, no family. It has left me puzzled as to how someone can have an elderly person in their life that they have neglected.

I think the boys enjoyed visiting with this gentleman, who declared, "I'm overwhelmed!" as he tried to sit up in bed to receive his gifts. He was hard of hearing and the boys thought it was funny when he told them that all of his packages are stolen from him... the rest of us sad to know that this gentleman clearly has some pretty bad dementia.

Payton and one of the boys each had a gift bag for another gentleman, Bill. We knocked on his door, but he wasn't there... we were told that he is very social and that we would find him in the lobby. Sure enough... turns out Bill was the first face that had greeted us when we walked in.

He was so happy and so very thankful. I wish we could invite him to spend Christmas day with our family.

Many thanks to our local police department for coordinating this event for our boys... we look forward to much more of this to come.

::

Payton read us our bedtime story last night... book #22 in our countdown to Christmas. She has her own way of telling a story, though... and I'm positive she knows exactly what she is saying. That is all that counts in our world, because moments like this make my heart flutter with love.

These are the moments I crave.

2011-12-20T16:06:00.000-05:00

When I was growing up, we lived in snow-clad areas of the country... New York, Pennsylvania, Michigan, Wisconsin. We never questioned whether or not we would have the white fluffy stuff that winter. ~~Not to mention the fact that we probably wished it away too~~. Sledding, snowballs and snowmen... we took it all for granted. And I went to college in Minnesota, where although we always had snow... classes weren't canceled unless the wind chill was like 80 below and you literally could not breathe.

And today... somehow I ended up living in a state that might get snow. It messes with your mind, not knowing whether we will even get the chance to sled or make a snowman with the kids. We have gone from getting barely anything one year to getting 31 inches another year. But there is never a guarantee. I am a little depressed seeing all the snow in other parts of the country this morning. Our forecast for Christmas day this year? Sunny and 50 degrees. Pff.

Payton... Snowmageddon 2010

Mason... Snowmageddon 2010

Nika... Snowmageddon 2010

Some of my favorite memories from my childhood involved snow... and I want that for my babies. Please Mother Nature... deliver!

::

Cookie project for my in laws (read: if you are my in laws, stop reading now)...

What you'll need:
Grasshopper cookies
Candy canes
White chocolate

1) Smash up some candy canes.
2) Spread the Grasshopper cookies out on wax paper.
3) Melt white chocolate.

4) Coat each cookie in white chocolate. ~~I hope you are better at melting chocolate than I am~~.

5) Sprinkle crushed candy cane onto each cookie.

Wa la!

I forgot to take a picture, but we packaged the cookies up nicely and attached a picture of the kids decorating the cookies. To: Grandpa and Grandma, Love: Mason, Payton and Nika.

We had to let the cookies sit overnight so the chocolate could harden. Rex must be starving, because the crazy dude dove head first into our candy that was left over.

Reeexxxxx!

::

It's tradition for our local fire department to bring Santa around on the firetruck each year. An ambulance leads the pack with sirens blaring, cueing the children to bolt outside to catch a glimpse of the jolly old guy. This year it was just Nika and I at home... we ran to the curb and she stood there staring, in awe.

There is something about moments like this, when it is just her and I. It allows me to slow down, give her my full attention and feel the moment with her in the spotlight. I stood behind her getting a bit weepy, taking in the enormity of the situation through her eyes. I couldn't help but think about how different her life would be today if she hadn't been adopted by our family... and about how a moment like this would never be happening.

These are moments I crave... because I love this kid and I never want to forget our journey.

::

We had our annual cookie baking day this past weekend... grandma, aunts, cousins, grandchildren. We all pack up and gather to bake and decorate cookies. Unless your name is Payton... then you lick a lot more frosting than you smear.

Family cookie baking day is one of the things I most look forward to each holiday season.

As we baked, we talked a bit about the closeness of our family... my aunts are like mothers to me... my cousins like sisters. My cousin joked that her friends are always saying, "You are always with your family!" Yup... we tight like that. I can't imagine it any other way... these girls are my soul sisters. ~~And sadly I only have photos of the kids because I accidentally deleted the others... oopsie~~.

Embrace your family. Enjoy the holiday. Do it while you can.

::

The winners of the BusyBodyBook are...

#2

Beth said...

Oh my, that calendar looks so much more organized than mine:)I use a regular old calendar that my newspaper sends me every year in January...teeny tiny boxes and all filled up, usually having to write into the next day! Drives hubby crazy...he thinks I am nuts for not using an online calendar. I have little time to get online and figure it all out, i tried using Cozi and failed miserably. And i tried a large dry erase, that didn't work either...paper calendars are easier for me!!
Anyway....just wanted to add that Nika sure is a beauty..then and now. Precious!
And the elf thing...its all up to me as Rod is out of town every week. I am running out of ideas....YIKES, how many more nights do I need to do this, LOL!

#16

nicole said...

I use the busy body planner thanks to your blog post last year and I love it and would be lost without it!!!!! I follow your blog all the time!

Nika is so beautiful! So is the others!

Nicole
Nmills25@verizon.net

Ladies... please email me with your mailing address so I can get them in the mail to you... yay!

BusyBodyBook anyone?

2011-12-15T14:18:00.002-05:00

When we met Nika, back in September 2008, we left a disposable camera with her caregivers to take pictures of her in her baby home before we went back to get her in November 2008. When we returned, they gave us the camera and I could not wait to see what was on it.

Well... we got home and the camera was nowhere to be found. I swear I looked in every piece of luggage we had taken to Russia... nada.

Fast forward to the week before Thanksgiving this year... Kyle pulled out an old duffel bag to pack for our cruise. Lo and behold, there was the camera. I have no idea how we missed it back then, but whatever... we got it now.

So I took it in to be processed... and there was a whopping five pictures on there. And only one of them was of Nika. I'm going with the one-is-better-than-none philosophy.

Here she is... taken sometime between September and November 2008... she turned two years old that October... chunky monkey...

And here she is now... just turned five years old... gorgeous as ever...

That is three years in the life of a former orphan.

Me: Nika, who's the Russian?
Nika: (proudly tapping her chest) Me!

::

So this elf thing... I hear some people are sayin' it has gone haywire. I'm just sayin'... I think it is fun and hilarious. ~~Granted, this blog post is equally hilarious~~. And my kids like it... and, and... stuff. C'mon people... it's a little holiday fun. Good memories for the children... although yes, the bar has been raised* and we can never go back. But it's okay... just one more good memory my kids will have from their childhood.

*Just hope that your kid doesn't talk to his friends at school and come home saying, "But Johnny's elf brought him a dog... man, our elf sucks!" I think my neighbor told my husband that something similar happened. Oopsie.

I have stepped aside to let my husband have the private conversations with Rex, our elf. Because my ideas for Rex suck... and my husband is a genius, apparently. Who knew?!

Exhibit A:

Rex was GONE FISHING. And dude, he was wearing Barbie's sunglasses. I'm sorry, but this is hilarious. Or maybe it's just me... but I am still laughing at this picture. Genius husband, genius.

Exhibit B:

Rex watched Elf, the movie. Popped himself some popcorn and plopped his butt in front of the tv.

Exhibit C:

Rex hijacked our angel and decided he deserved the honors. ~~Dude, my tree lights suck~~.

Exhibit D:

Rex planking on our pot rack.

Exhibit E:

Rex sent Mason on a scavenger hunt to find him this morning, knowing Mason is the first one up every morning. Clue number one was left on the remote control... guess we all know what Mason does when he gets up in the morning.

Yesterday, Rex nuzzled himself up in Payton's doll's bed. He had the kleenex and some cough medicine at his bedside. Mason went there for clue two.

Enter the gingerbread sleigh for clue three.

And Nika's mustache for clue four.

Clue five... the toilet papered Christmas tree.

And clue six...

That's all... for now. *snickers*

::

Coming out of the stone age to admit that I have never used Pandora before. I'm a little slow to catch onto these things... I think I waited a few years before I bought into Facebook (~~which I wouldn't mind boycotting at this point)~~. But today... my Pandora is kickin' and I'm happy. I typed in my New Kids on the Block love and it's pumpin' out some Vanilla Ice, Roxette, Rick Springfield, Justin Timberlake and Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch.

I.love.this.thing.

Oh yeah... Journey just came on. Just a small town girl... livin' in a lonely world...

::

Giveaway time... enter, the infamous BusyBodyBook.

'Tis my favorite.thing.ever. I gave away four last year and I have two to give away this year for 2012.

BusyBodyBook weekly grid planners are every mom's go-to time management tool for controlling the chaos of her family's multiple and hectic schedules. BusyBodyBook personal and family calendars provide individual family members with their own personal column to organize, easily view and follow their schedules and activities - and the ability to coordinate with each other ‘side by side’.

The award winning BusyBodyBook weekly grid format provides the clearest view of everyone's daily and weekly agendas. You'll easily spot overlapping schedules, avoid double booking and easily find more time to just relax with the family or for that pilates class you so need and deserve.

To enter...

1) Leave a comment on this post telling me what type of planner you use now and what you love or hate about it.

and

2) Follow my blog (see sidebar) -------->

Contest closes Sunday night at midnight EST... winner will be announced Monday. Good luck!

Love these girls.

2011-12-13T00:08:00.000-05:00

We have laughed together and cried... plenty. We have had good times (plenty of those, too) and bad. We are completely in sync with each other, for just one reason... we all have experienced the birth of a child that has Down syndrome. We get it... and we get each other. The bond that we have is unbreakable and any of us would be there for the other at the drop of a dime... no questions asked.

These are my Down syndrome mommies. And one of us is moving away. Linda, one of my closest friends, is leaving me. Wah!

True friendship isn't being inseparable... it's being separated and nothing changes. ~Unknown

We surprised her yesterday... oh, did we surprise her. She cried. We knew she would. Because that is Linda... and that is the love we have for each other. We can't help it... we can't control it.

A farewell party... just us, cruising the countryside and sipping on wine.

Friends through thick n' thin... friends to the very end... I think you would agree... that's how it is for you and me. ~excerpt from A Friend Like You by Geoff Moore

We enjoyed ourselves at a few wineries... got a little tipsy too. ~~Or maybe that was just me... the non-wine drinker with zero tolerance~~. A bittersweet day for Linda... for all of us, really.

Amidst the blue skies and crisp air, the coziness of the holiday season was among us. If ever there were a way to tie it all together... this was it. Perfect.

No matter where we go... be it through the highs and lows... I will be by your side... 'cuz you and I are friends for life. ~excerpt from A Friend Like You by Geoff Moore

Moving causes so many mixed emotions for me. Life gets in the way for so many of us, making it hard for us to see each other as often as we would like. The telephone has become my best friend... and I know that will never change, whether we live 20-some miles from each other or 2000-some. Some of my best friends live half way across the country... and we have that connection that distance can't touch.

A part of you has grown in me, together forever we shall be, never apart, maybe in distance, but not in the heart. ~unknown

Love these girls.

Don’t be dismayed at good-byes. A farewell is necessary before we can meet again and meeting again, after moments or a lifetime, is certain for those who are friends. ~unknown

This ain't the end sister, it ain't the end. ♥

::

Housekeeping matter...

The winner of the Freckles & Firecrackers hat is Ellen Stumbo. Congratulations Ellen!

Clutter be gone.

2011-12-08T12:55:00.001-05:00

If I had a dollar for every time in the past few years that I have said that I need to get organized, I'd be rich. Once upon a time... my sink was not piled high with dishes, my laundry room didn't have clothes scattered in every direction, my kitchen table wasn't full of school papers that belong to Lord knows who... you catch my drift. Thus began life with my babies.

*photo courtesy of Stephanie Ascari photography

And I love them so. But my organizational skills are gone... mostly because of all the added stuff that my babies bring to our home. I always have big aspirations... but you know how those usually pan out. But now... now, I'm gonna git 'er done. Swear.

A couple years ago, I needed a solution for the kids' backpacks and coats. The kids would come home each day and throw their stuff on the floor and go. I knew this little nook off of our foyer was the perfect spot.

To this day, this is one of my favorite little areas of my house. I know, right... don't take much to keep me happy. It was rather cheap to put together... although there is no price that you can put on organization for your kids' clutter.

Supplies:
1 wooden ledge (mine is from Pottery Barn)
1 canvas print of my babies (or whatever else you want to set on your shelf)
3 frames from Michael's craft store (I reckon they still have these in different colors)
3 sheets of white scrapbook paper
3 wooden letters
1 can of spray paint
3 vintage hooks from Target

I chose amber colored accents because my dining room is opposite this area and I wanted the colors to compliment each other. The frame assembly is simple: dispose of the glass, replace it with scrapbook paper (a printed paper would be cute), glue the spray painted wooden letter to the scrapbook paper and wa la. The ribbon came tied in a bow, but I snipped it and tied it into a knot around the nail for a more streamlined look.

Tip: Make sure you use anchors for your hooks... they take a huge beating from the kids using them every day. And... I used to have a big framed image on that ledge... one day it fell when something hit it and the glass shattered. My advice... keep the area kid friendly and use a canvas (Canvas on Demand makes a beautiful canvas... save 25% on your order using code sleighbell25 now through December 11th).

Done.

Since then, I came to realize that I needed a solution for all the stuff that comes home in their backpacks. When you have three kids emptying folders all at once... things tend to get confusing. "Whose paper is this? Who brought this home. Whose book?" Between that and the things we keep at home to work on (i.e. sight words, tracing books, math worksheets, etc etc etc)... there is crap everywhere that ends up getting buried and lost. Sigh.

Enter the mailboxes.

I have been on a mission to find mailboxes like these for awhile now... much harder than I thought it was going to be. I ended up with these baskets from Michael's craft store (don't forget to use coupons)... perfect for what I envisioned.

I also got multi-color alphabet scrapbook stickers to spell out their names on their mailbox... love. I had to glue them because of the basket weave... easy peasy. The mailboxes are sitting on the counter in our butler's pantry (our builder named it that, not us... Payton killed our butler), right off the kitchen for easy access.

Clutter be gone. Ha... we will see.

::

Mason: Mom, I can't find the elf.
Me: I saw him upstairs.
Mason: You did?! Where?!
Me: In the bathroom... he hijacked your toothpaste.
Mason: But the book said he isn't supposed to go upstairs.
Me: Well... Rex has been very naughty this year.

Seriously... if I'm gonna keep up the wonder of Christmas, I need to get on my game. Mason has questioned everything this year.

Mason: How did Rex get stuck in the middle of the tree when he wrapped toilet paper beneath him?
Me: Well... he is magic and he must have jumped.

Hilarious. I wonder what Mason thinks in that cute little head of his when I tell him these things. Probably Dude, my mom is whacked!

::

We are off to revel in some more holiday cheer. Meanwhile... check out this gift guide from The TomKat Studio... I will take one of everything, please.

Try to be creative in your gift giving... I promise they who receive will never forget.

Open publication - Free publishing - More babies

Reminder... enter to win an adorable hat from Freckles & Firecrackers... contest closes tonight at midnight EST.

I love the wonder. And... a giveaway.

2011-12-06T21:14:00.001-05:00

We are counting down the days to Christmas with books this year. The kids take turns opening a book to read each night. To prevent arguments amongst my lovely children over who gets to open the book, I used three different wrapping papers... one for each kid. We just finished reading tonight's book about Christmas carols... we sang and sang... and my kids shushed me.

Dear Santa... For Christmas, I would like to be able to sing. Love, Bethany

I bought 20 kids' Christmas books at our local used book store for $21... a used book store is a must for this project. The other four books... well, three of them are actually videos... one for each kid... and the fourth book is 'Twas the Night Before Christmas, which came from our collection.

I'm just patting myself on the back for actually being on the ball this year and having a countdown to Christmas. I made a pact with myself to get things done early this year... so far, so good. Our holiday decor has settled in for the winter.

And my cards are sent. Booya.

I love the wonder and beauty of the holidays. It gives me the warm fuzzies.

We spent this past weekend soaking up the beginning of the holiday season.

We worked on our gingerbread sleigh. Mason decided he should take off his shirt and anything that Mason does... Payton follows. Not sure when my kids became so concerned with getting themselves dirty but... there ya have it. Ha.

Payton really enjoyed the frosting. Literally. She preferred to eat it, rather than give to her reindeer. "Mmmmm," she kept saying.

We did crafts at our community holiday extravaganza.

We cozied up on a horse drawn hay ride... hooves clacking, bells jingling and sporadic singing of Christmas carols.

And the kids got to see the jolly guy in the red suit.

We hit the local holiday parade... one of my favorite traditions.

And Rex is back. This year, he is up to no good. Mason was less than thrilled when we discussed the fact that Rex may be coming back... but now, he can't wait to get up in the morning to see what Rex is up to.

::

Time for a giveaway... and there are more to come. Just a few of my favorite things. ♥

I lurve hats on my babies. Nothing warms a momma's heart like seeing those sweet little cheeks peek out from beneath a hat that gets "Oh, I love that hat!" or "Where did you get that hat?!" everywhere you go.

Enter Freckles & Firecrackers. An adorable little business that is run by one awesome momma and her momma... and they just so happen to have an adorable little someone with Down syndrome in their lives. ♥

One random commenter from this post will win their choice of hat from Freckles & Firecrackers. Contest ends Friday, December 9th at midnight EST and the winner will be announced this weekend.

Check out their etsy page here... and their facebook page here. And use coupon code 12days for 25% off your order... only now through Friday, December 9th at midnight EST!

Although we are already past their cut off date for Christmas, they have agreed to offer an expedited option just for you... click here for details. This offer is only good through Friday, December 9th... so hurry!

Good luck!

::

Favorite deals of the day:

Best Buy has the Nintendo 3DS for $169.99 (retail value) plus free shipping... but you get a $50 Best Buy gift card with your purchase. Net cost of 3DS = $119.99.

~~Best Buy has the Nintendo 3DS Madden NFL game for $7.99 plus free shipping... go, go, go... not sure this will last! Retail value is $29.99.~~

And ... if your child needs a clear case to protect their Nintendo 3DS... check this out on Amazon... dude, it's only $.12... yes, 12 cents! Retail value is $14.99.

Got any good deals to share?

sail away, sail away.

2011-11-29T23:19:00.000-05:00

i have never been on a cruise before. for me ... doing so was more of a fantasy. i get motion sick very easily and the thought of being on a ship for days on end made me nervous. all i could think of was how incredibly sick i got on the deep sea fishing trip i went on when i was younger. no thanks.

fast forward to a few months ago ... my cousin and i decided we were going on a 4-night cruise. i figured i could take dramamine and wear those oh-so-stylish sea bands ... right? well, all nerves aside ... my sea bands did me well.

sail away, sail away.

the sail away party could be described in three words. beer. music. and dancing. it was all i had ever envisioned a sail away party would be. you know, if there had ever been a time that i envisioned such a thing. the moment you realize you are worry free for the next few days ... as you sail away into the horizon = serenity.

that night we went to dinner, saw a show and perhaps got a wee bit nauseous. we went back to our cabins to endure the motion of the ocean. luckily ... night one was the worst and the rest of the trip was not as bad.

to our surprise, our bed had been turned down and teddy bear was waiting. before we embarked ... mason had given his daddy his teddy bear to take on our cruise ... because he loved him. aww ...

each night we also had towel animal creations waiting for us. it became a guessing game as to which little guy we would get each night ... on our last night, we put in a special request for a monkey. and we got him ... but, i think he was a grim reapin' monkey.

day two. we ported in freeport. i guess we did not really know what to expect, but when you know you are porting in the bahamas ... you envision white sandy beaches and little bahamian shops.

sunrise coming into freeport

freeport = not so much. more like ... big concrete slab and taxi drivers waiting to take you somewhere, as if you have any clue where to go or who to trust.

we approached an older trustworthy-looking gentleman and asked for advice as to where to go. we knew we wanted a beach and so he told us to "go wait over there". we soon learned that you cannot get a taxi cab with less than 10 or so people ... all jammed into a small van that feels like it could break down at any moment. our driver, david, was awesome though ... he taught us all about the bahamian culture.

we made our way to junkanoo beach. and all i have to say is that crusty old van ride was so worth it. junkanoo was heaven on earth. silky smooth sand. crystal blue water. the hum of jet skis in the midst. and drinks in hand. a true tropical paradise.

the minute we stepped onto the beach, we were bombarded by locals. i will admit ... they were very nice and quite entertaining. my cousin and i had a hard time telling the women no ... they all had their sob stories and we felt so bad for all of them. their stories were all true, no?

"pretty lady, you want braid? how about necklace? there's lots of competition ... please buy from me."

"get your tshirts! blue light special ... buy one, get none. life time guarantee ... call
1-800-BAHAMAS direct."

i could spend a lot of time at this place. at i sat with my feet in the sand and a drink in my hand, i couldn't help but imagine weekly trips to junkanoo with the kids. one can dream, no?

we basked in the sun for a few hours and then hailed a van taxi to town ... where the marketplace was. we shopped a bit ... and got everything we needed to top off our tropical paradise. you know ... where else do you get to drink from a coconut? my cousin had to have it.

we made our way back to the ship for a night at sea. we took in sunset from the upper deck and i got ballsy with dinner that night ... seafood. i really do not like seafood. but for samson ... i ate seafood.

samson was our waiter. we.love.samson. he was hilarious and made dinner one of our favorite parts of the cruise. he is from india ... we enjoyed getting to know him and learning more about the culture in india. oh ... and he about had a heart attack if we tried to order a hamburger or something else not-so-gourmet ... so, seafood it was on this particular night.

day three. nassau.

sunrise coming to into nassau

getting off the ship in nassau was so different than freeport. everything we wanted was right there. shops, restaurants, bartering with locals. but first up ... snorkeling.

could the water be any more gorgeous?

we took a huge catamaran out on the water with 100 or so other people to go snorkeling. we sat on the bungee cord nets in the front, elevated right above the water ... that was fun and everyone ended up with tic-tac-toe butts. ha.

once we anchored, we all put on our snorkel gear and hopped in the water. oh wait ... my cousin geeked out at the last minute and did not go. sad.

peace.

oh my goodness, we laughed so hard at each other. i don't know why it was so funny, but it was. kyle couldn't get his mask on and my life vest ended up choking the hell out of me because it wasn't strapped tight enough to my body.

but once we got ourselves together, we were good to go. gotta say i expected to see more color ... the reef didn't have much to offer. nonetheless, it was still a fun experience.

once we got back to the ship and showered ... we took on nassau. it was refreshing to shop in the stores and not be called a pretty lady every two seconds or be badgered to buy things. some of their gift shops were insanely cute and i'm kicking myself for not buying a few of the things i saw.

then we took on the locals. and again ... my cousin and i felt so sorry for all these women. it was late afternoon, so many of them had their children sitting there with them ... clad in school uniforms and all. they were adorable.

as we walked through the streets of nassau, we met winston. he had a woodworking shop that he wanted to show us ... or possibly he wanted to sell us uh, something else. we snapped his pic and kept right on walkin'.

at sunset, we headed back to the ship for dinner, drinks and shows. the dancing and singing shows were great ... but tai, the girl that hosted superstar live: karoake, was hi-larious. oh my gosh ... we laughed so hard at her. she basically is there to help and sort of make fun of the people singing. we loved watching her show.

as we waited for dinner, we had fun with my camera at the atrium bar. asking another person to take a picture while shooting on manual settings and using focal points = almost pointless. the staff person who offered to take our picture then fell deeply in love with my camera and just wanted to keep shooting us. she was pretty funny.

camera recovered and given to our boys = even more pointless. but still cute, fuzzy and all.

love this girl.

damn. there i go flashing signs again. did i seriously think to myself .... "self, it would look awesome if you double flashed peace right now."

ha ... such a loser i am. but i still love this girl. my baby cuz.

day four. fun day at sea.

a whole lot of this ...

and this ...

and a very happy 12th anniversary to my husband. my best friend. my love. 16 years we have been together ... that seriously seems like an eternity, but we must be doing something right because i love this boy more today than ever before. love him.

so when is the next cruise?

cousin love.

2011-11-13T22:35:00.001-05:00

the bash.

2011-11-11T11:53:00.001-05:00

our baby girl turned five and we did it like we like to do.
nika's halloween birthday bash.
it has become an annual thing.
costumes required.

i admit it.
i go all out for birthdays.
i love to do it and so i do.

the damn cake balls gave me a run for my money.
but i think i conquered.

every year ... someone complains about having to wear a costume.
never fails.
afterwards ... they realize just how fun it can be.
you're welcome.

my aunt and uncle ... above on the right.
prize for most improved costumes.
last year they were bacon and eggs.
ha.
no ... for real ... i think they took second place in my imaginary costume contest.

velma and her twin showed up.
fred, shaggy, scooby and the ghost too.
the ghost (my niece) was all popping her eyes out like she was saying, "boo!"
hilarious.

as ~~bad~~ luck would have it ... the day of the party was quite possibly the coldest day of the season.
cold. rain. snow.
we had to take the festivities inside.
i'm not sure my house will ever forgive me.

there on the couch you can see the mad hatter.
he wins first place in my imaginary costume contest.
his family was dressed as alice in wonderland.
and his costume was awesome.

donut on a string.
we did it last year too ... the kids love it.

we are so blessed to have so many great people in our lives.

happy birthday to you.
happy birthday to you.

happy birthday dear nika.
happy birthday to you.

thank you to stephanie ascari photography for capturing our day on film.
these memories are priceless.
thank you, thank you.

happy birthday, sweet girl.

2011-10-21T23:41:00.002-04:00

dearest nika.

today you are five.

you are still my baby in so many ways.

and yet... you are becoming such a big girl.
some of my favorite times are when it is just you and me.
like today at the pumpkin patch.
that is when your personality really shines.

your resilience amazes me.

you are so smart. you love to learn.
you get so excited to take the bus to school.

you thrive on attention.

you love to cuddle.
~~next time that stranger does not need a hug, mmkay?~~

you are an outgoing little girl. but only if you initiate the contact.
once someone turns the attention on you... shy girl appears.
you love music. and you really love to dance.
and i am pretty sure you are the only home girl in this family that has moves.

you love your brother so much. you really look up to him.

and you love your sister so much too.

~~except for when she bosses you around~~.

i refer to you as the mini-payton.

you mimic everything she does.

you love food. any food. ~~even food that you find on the ground~~.

you are so easygoing. yet... the drama rears its head.
you are so happy. and you usually have a smile to share.
you get your feelings hurt easily... especially if you fear you are being left out.

you crack me up with the things you say.
nika, who's the russian?
me!!
i love that. makes me grin every time.
we are so proud of you and your heritage. we will cherish that forever.

happy birthday, sweet girl.
we are just shy of three years together... and we have a lifetime to come.
i love you.
and your daddy does too.

5 years old.

2011-10-20T21:38:00.000-04:00

tomorrow my baby turns five.

5 years old.

each year nika's birthday brings with it a lot of emotion. it is a time of reflection of where we have been... and where we are now. sometimes it is easy to forget the journey we endured to bring her home. it seems as though she has always been here... yet it hurts my heart that there is so much about her past that i do not know.

i cannot tell her the story of her birth. but i can tell her that she was born in st. petersburg, russia, weighing 4 pounds 3 ounces. and that she was 18 inches long. and that even though her birth parents felt they could not care for her because of her extra chromosome... there was another family half way around the world that could.

and that one day we would meet.

i cannot tell her what time of day she was born. but i can tell her that she was born on october 21, 2006... which was sweetest day in the usa. ironically... kyle proposed to me on sweetest day in 1998. although unbeknownst to many... that hallmark holiday has always maintained a special place in my heart.

of course nika was born on sweetest day.

i cannot tell her much about her birth family. but i can tell her all about our family. and how much we love her. and all about our adventures to bring her home from russia.

i often wonder why her extended birth family never visited her in the two years she sat in a baby home. i often wonder why her mom refused to give us a picture of herself when we asked. i often wonder if her older birth sister knows about her.

there is so much that i wish i knew.

i wish i knew how to show nika's birth family that she is thriving and loving life... extra chromosome and all.

her birthday wish?
that you would help another orphan that sits and waits.

charlotte is in an eastern european country.
she has less than three months left in her baby home.
after that... she will be transferred.

the family wanting to adopt charlotte is hosting a huge fundraiser.
they are desperate to bring her home.

for a small tax-deductible donation... you will be entered into a drawing to win a slew of prizes.
dslr camera.
kindle fire.
gift cards.
and so much more.

1 entry = $10
5 entries = $25
20 entries = $50

please help.
go now.
$10 will go so much further than you think.
and you could win an awesome prize.

thank you.

strut your stuff.

2011-10-20T12:03:00.000-04:00

Once a year, our friends and family come together to honor our girls. It is a day of love and acceptance. A day of understanding and respect. If there were such a thing as Down syndrome Island... this would be it. A place where people just get it... they get our love for these two chicks above. Extra chromosomes and all.

As I pulled around the bend to bring the Buddy Walk site into full view... I burst into tears. This day is so important to me and it always brings so much emotion to the surface. Having so many people come together to promote awareness for Down syndrome... I cannot even put into words how this makes me feel. Me lurves it.

Happiness. Pure joy. Love.

That is all I see when I look back at these pictures from our walk.

Ain't no wet ground and mud gonna stop us.

Rachel Coleman from Signing Time was there... we love us some Rachel! Her videos are a huge hit among kids... and it is because of her that so many of our kids with Down syndrome can easily learn sign language.

And she totally could live on Down syndrome Island... she would fit right in!

We are so blessed to have always received tremendous support from friends that we met in Russia while adopting Nika. Their son... Sasha... grew up with Nika in the same groupa in their baby home... and they live 15 minutes from us.

I have a special attachment to Sasha... he and Nika were adopted on the same day. I will never forget the look on his face when he came running in the room showing off his new clothes just before he and Nika were sprung from the baby home. Oh my gosh... his happiness over just an outfit was freakin adorable... if that does not put things into perspective for you, I am not sure what does.

Our families traveled to Moscow together to complete our adoptions. Nika was so young and oblivious to what was going on... but Sasha was not. We were able to experience not only the adoption of a younger child, but also an older child that was very aware of what was happening. The good times and the bad times... it really helped us gain perspective as to the true emotion a child goes through in an international adoption.

Nika and Sasha are thriving today... and I feel so blessed to have this connection.

Dora! Oh, how we love our Dora.

Oh, Elmo and Spiderman... we love you too!

Mostly... I just love these three so much.

we will never forget.

2011-09-11T10:14:00.002-04:00

exactly 10 years ago today.

Source

i was in my car alone... driving to work.

just another morning in metropolitan DC.

8:46 a.m.

i hear on the radio that an airplane has just crashed into a building in nyc.

come to find out it was the north tower of the world trade center.

i remember being taken aback... wondering how a mistake like that could happen.

i remember calling my aunt to ask if she had heard the news.

9:03 a.m.

a second airplane has just crashed into the south tower of the world trade center.

The South Tower of the World Trade Center explodes in flames after being hit by the hijacked airliner now universally known as "the second plane," United Airlines Flight 175, September 11, 2001. This photo -- with its black smoke; the shocking, brilliant, colossal flames; the cloudless sky; the beautiful Brooklyn Bridge flying the American flag -- captures so much of the story of the day that, if one were to create a composite picture to illustrate the idea of "9/11," the result might look very much like this astonishing shot.

(Photo: STR/Reuters /Landov)

Source

panic sets in.
i continued on to work.
i realized at this point that this was no mistake.
but i did not know what to do.
i did not know how to make sense of what was happening.

In a scene repeated with terrifying frequency as flames engulfed the top of the towers, a man falls (or leaps, as was evidently the case with many victims) to his death from the World Trade Center. On the morning of September 11 photographer Richard Drew, in the midst of another assignment, got the call to drop everything and head to the World Trade Center. As soon as he arrived downtown he began shooting; later in the day, as as he processed what he had shot, he was especially struck by this photo -- and with reason. One of the most recognizable pictures made on 9/11, the image from a purely photographic perspective is breathtaking: the miniscule human form caught against the massive, abstract background of the towers is so obviously helpless, and doomed, that we're tempted to reach out our hands to try and cradle the tiny anonymous figure. And while Drew himself refuses to conjecture about the man's identity ("I prefer to think of him as a sort of Unknown Soldier," he told LIFE.com), it's impossible not to put ourselves in the falling man's place -- with all the dread and empathy that that sort of transference commands.
(Photo: AP Photo/Richard Drew)
Source

9:38 a.m.
hijacked flight 77 crashes into the pentagon.

(Photo: REUTERS/Larry Downing LSD/HB)

i stood with co-workers in the conference room at work watching the news coverage.
the pentagon was just two miles away... a short five minute drive.

my husband worked in a hotel that looked over the pentagon.
there was a cellphone blackout.
and i could not get a line to reach him.
i panicked... along with everyone else that could not reach their loved ones.

we were sent home.
the roads were gridlocked.
i finally reached my husband on the phone.

They have our hotel on lock down.
There are snipers everywhere.
I cannot talk and I do not know when I will be home.
I love you.

if there is ever a time that you trust in the Lord.
this is it.
i drove to my aunt's house... our entire local family met there.
we sat and watched the television in shock.

9:59 a.m.
the south tower collapses.

10:10 a.m.
hijacked flight 93 crashes into a field in pennsylvania.

10:28 a.m.
the north tower collapses.

(Photo: AP Photo/NYPD, Det. Greg Semendinger)

This image (another by Stan Honda) is an exemplar of a strange, wrenching sight witnessed by innumerable people in New York on the morning of September 11: A survivor, layered in eerie, white dust, trudging away from the cataclysm. The man, Edward Fine, was an owner of an investment and public relations firm; he was on the 78th floor of 1 World Trade Center when it was hit.
(STAN HONDA/AFP/Getty Images)
Source

Stunned, frightened Marcy Borders, 28, is covered in dust as she takes refuge in an office building after one of the World Trade Center towers collapsed. Borders was caught outside on the street as the cloud of smoke and dust enveloped the area, and raced into the building seeking shelter -- a building into which freelance photographer Stan Honda had also fled. "She was sort of this ghostly figure," Honda told LIFE.com, "covered in grey-white dust, and I thought that this was an amazing thing to see, that this would make an important picture of what was happening out there." Of all the images from 9/11, Honda's picture is perhaps the most immediate representation of the collective and individual shock felt by those who were actually there, in lower Manhattan, when the towers fell.
(Photo: STAN HONDA/AFP/Getty Images)
Source

Rescue workers carry mortally injured New York City Fire Department chaplain Mychal Judge from the wreckage after he was killed by falling debris while administering last rites to another victim. A Roman Catholic priest, a recovering alcoholic, a gay man, and -- as an FDNY chaplain a spiritual adviser and trusted friend to countless firefighters through the years -- "Father Mike" was the first recorded victim of the September 11 attacks. Photographer Shannon Stapleton's picture, which burns with immediacy and yet somehow feels composed, almost painterly, captures much of the day's intense incongruities in one sombre frame: the intimacy of witnessing a single death in the midst of a monumental catastrophe; brilliant sunlight shining on the chaplain's lifeless hands; devastated first responders shrugging off exhaustion, racing to the aid of helpless victims. Here is the best, and the very worst, of that day.
(Photo: SHANNON STAPLETON/Reuters /Landov)
Source

as i sit here this morning watching memorials on television... a tear falls.

amazing grace is being played beautifully right now by a flutist.

and i try to find the words to explain 9/11 to my son as he asks...

What does this mean?

How did that happen?

Why did they do that?

On 9/11, the New York City Police Department lost 23 officers. The Port Authority police lost 37. The FDNY's dead numbered 343. Here, firefighter Tony James cries while attending the funeral service for New York Fire Department chaplain Mychal Judge at New York's St. Francis of Assisi Church, September 15, 2001. Photographer Joe Raedle, who attended and photographed funerals for weeks after September 11, told LIFE.com of this shot: "Anytime you see a fireman or a symbol of strength breaking down like that, it resonates." In fact, Raedle's photograph, with its ghostly echoes of James' salute surrounding his tear-streaked face, speaks to how millions of people around the world felt in the days and weeks after the attacks: namely, that strength was what we all needed most, and that it was the one thing that was hardest to find.
(Photo: Joe Raedle/Getty Images)
Source

how about you?
where were you when the first plane crashed?
how does this day in history affect you?

i love to hear the stories of others.

we will never forget.

good things are to come.

2011-09-08T22:04:00.003-04:00

the first day of school.

2011.

mason a handsome, mature little second grader.

payton a kindergartener.

addison still a preschool pipsqueak.

i have dreaded this day for over five years.

this day that payton would start kindergarten.

this day that i would have to remove her from my wing and let her fly.

and she rocked it.

in true payton style.

if only i could be as carefree and confident as she.

she had no time for the paparazzi as we waited for the bus.

ma.

i am going to kindergarten.

i am going to ride the bus with my brother.

i will make friends.

and pretty much you should stop worrying about me.

her confidence helps my anxiety a wee bit.
and mason helps it a whole lot more.
this transition would be so much harder without him.
that is one thing i do know.

she seemed real nervous, eh?

kindergarteners moved to the front of the line to load first.
payton would not budge until mason went with her.
she is obsessed with her brother.
thankfully the feelings are mutual.

be still my heart.

yeah.
i admit it.
i followed the bus to school.
day one. and day two.
had to have that visual of the unloading process.

it is good.
this momma's heart is full.

addison gets to spend her mornings with me.

she is in an afternoon preschool class with payton's old teachers.

love.

it is amazing to me how far she has come.
her speech is coming along great.
just need a little more spontaneity.
she is blossoming into such a big girl.
love her.

she is rockin some glasses.
moved into big girl panties this past weekend.
she is rockin it.

hilarious.
her backpack is still bigger than she is.
has been for two years now.

can't help but think what she would be doing right now if still in russia.
likely nothing even close to what she is doing now.
sniff.

so excited for her future.
good things are to come.

blasts from the past.

2009.

mason starts kindergarten and payton preschool.

addison starts preschool.

2010.

mason goes to 1st grade and the girls continue in preschool.

phew.

watching those old videos made me cry.

this momma is now a hot mess.