our perfectly imperfect life

a letter to parents.

2012-01-20T11:15:00.000-05:00

At the beginning of the school year, I had a lot of anxiety over Payton's relationship with the other kids in her class. The same old worries... would they like her, would they play with her, would they consider her a friend, would they be helpful to her... or would they shy away from her because they see her as different than them.

I went back and forth, trying to decide whether or not to send a letter home to the other parents in her kindergarten class. I bounced the idea off of her teacher, bounced it off of my mommy friends... those with kids that have special needs and those that don't. The consensus was... it's a good idea.

So... Kyle and I drafted a letter. It was hard... mostly because we didn't want to come across as crazy overbearing parents... and we wanted everyone to know that we are an open book. That we understand that most people don't really get what having Down syndrome means for Payton... and without being told, that they don't really know that our expectations of Payton are the same as that of her big brother.

Dear parents,

As we settle into this school year, we would like to take the opportunity to give you a special introduction to our daughter … Payton … who is in Mrs. xxxxxxxxx kindergarten class.

Payton is a very independent, active little girl. She enjoys a wide variety of activities … playing house, reading and dancing … but mostly she just loves anything that involves being with her friends. She is a sports fanatic … thanks to her big brother … and she just completed tball season through the Greater xxxxxxxx Baseball League. She also is in Daisies and will be cheerleading for basketball this winter through Upward.

Besides being a very “typical” kindergartener, Payton also happens to have Down syndrome. Your child might come home wanting to know more about her and why she is a little different. Based on our past experiences, most questions from children this age are related to Payton’s speech and her inability to communicate effectively.

Payton has Childhood Apraxia of Speech. While we are able to communicate with her well, it can sometimes be hard for others to understand her. She can talk, but Apraxia (a speech disorder) makes it hard for her to form certain consonant/vowel combinations. Sometimes she drops beginning sounds, sometimes ending sounds. Sometimes none at all. For example, she says “No” quite well. :) Or … “Max” will sound like “Ax” … “Milk” she cannot say at all (that l/k combination is very hard) and so she signs it (envision using your hand to milk a cow by squeezing). Payton works very hard in speech therapy several hours per week to conquer her speech delay. She has a long way to go, but she has come so far and we are so proud of her!

Like most children, Payton has an insatiable curiosity and strongly desires to be independent … did we mention that? :) She is primarily a visual learner and will imitate what she sees others doing. We encourage you to share what you feel is appropriate about Payton with your children so that they can understand how she is different, but more importantly how she is the same as they are. Encourage them to support her without babying her, and to talk to her like they would anyone else, perhaps giving her a bit more time to respond and a little more explanation if she does not understand. They can also remind her to stay with them if they see her heading away from the group, and to make sure she is keeping her hands to herself.

Research has shown that children with Down syndrome benefit from placement in a regular education class, receiving their education alongside typically developing peers of their own age. Regular opportunities to learn and play alongside typically developing peers gives children with Down syndrome the role models they need to acquire new skills, encourage age-appropriate behavior, and develop independence and friendships.

Inclusive education benefits not only our child, but studies have shown that inclusion has a great benefit to the other children in the class. Inclusion facilitates greater understanding, tolerance, as well as learning to be supportive of one another. Children also learn to value diversity and to appreciate that everyone has something beneficial to bring to the life of the school and the community.

We are grateful for your support and for the support that Payton will have in Mrs. xxxxxxxxx class. She will have a team of people that will help support her learning needs and facilitate the inclusion support. We are also grateful for the opportunity to be in a learning community together and look forward to meeting you (if we haven’t already) and working together for a great year at xxxxxxx.

If you have any questions about Payton or Down syndrome, please feel free to contact us at (insert email here) or (insert phone number here). We are very open about our experience and in talking about what it means to have Down syndrome … no question is a silly question and we would rather share with you, than have you wonder. :)

Sincerely,
Kyle and Bethany Balsis

ps … We have put together a Q&A on the reverse side to help you field some questions that your child might have, or to help you in talking with your child about Payton. We hope this is helpful to you. :)

What is Down syndrome?
Children born with Down syndrome have one extra chromosome in some or all of their cells. The chromosomes contain directions that tell your body how to grow. When a child has an extra chromosome it mixes up her body’s directions a little. That is why they may look a little different and have to try harder to learn.

Will Payton always have Down syndrome?
Yes, it is something she will never outgrow.

Will Payton be able to do things like me?
Yes, she will be able to do everything like you do, it may just take her a little longer to learn than most kids. She will learn to talk more clearly too, it’s just that learning to talk is often very hard, but just like anything, with a lot of hard work and practice she will get better over time. Payton also can do things you might not be able to do yet, like use sign language.

Is Payton sad that she has Down syndrome?
No, right now Payton is happy to be a growing little girl. She feels successful in her life; she loves to learn new things, just like you and me. You’re fortunate to be growing up in a world where people understand that everyone is unique, but that we all enjoy and want the same things, like having loving families and friends, going to school, and being accepted for who we are.

We received great feedback after the letter was sent. I think some of the parents (maybe all, I have no idea) appreciate our transparency. And well... we appreciate them more than they know... and we appreciate them having that conversation with their child.

Kids don't know what they don't know... and we are so thankful for the amazing kids that Payton has in her class this year. It has made her being included in general education so much easier... so if you are reading, thank you.

Breaking the barrier.

2012-01-19T23:26:00.000-05:00

Sitting here on a cold frosty morning with my sleepy eyed babies... all of us piled on our less-than-large-enough couch... one blanket to go around. Nika the last to rise and join us, she crawls up next to Payton and says, "Blankey? Me?"

To most... this may seem insignificant. To me... this is big. Having been an orphan in her past life, Nika tends to be a very stay-behind-the-scenes, submissive kid. That's not to say she can't throw a good temper tantrum. Ha.

At one time... she would not have joined us on the couch, until invited. She would have sat on the floor in front of us... as if she was not worthy.

At one time... she would not have asked for some blanket, until offered. She would have sat next to us and shivered... as if she was not worthy.

It has taken us awhile to get her out of orphan mode, when it comes to certain things... and we still have a journey ahead of us. One of her goals in speech therapy has been to use her words and ask for things on her own without being prompted... like something as simple as asking for help.

We are getting there... we are breaking this thick barrier. It is good.

::

I think I'm nesting... only I don't quite have a reason to nest. Other than the fact that my house has way too much crap in it and I am close to deeming myself a hoarder.

Okay, not really... but we do have too much crap. It's sickening, really.

One problem... I tend to jump from project to project. If any one thing ever gets completed... it is a reason to celebrate.

Yesterday's project... front closet makeover. This closet faces the kids' backpack corner and it is for shoes only. Previously, I had plastic fabric shoe racks hanging from the shelf above.

But three kids + plastic fabric = disaster.

I decided to remove the shelf, paint and install those wooden cubby shoe racks... three of them stacked vertically.

Fairly boring, really... but great for organizing shoes. Especially considering we are always missing one shoe of every pair... not an ideal situation when you are trying to get out of the house with children in tow.

::

Mason started winter training for baseball with a local pro this week... he is so excited. I love that he has something that he loves so much. He has become quite the little baseball player... my baby ain't so much a baby anymore.

Love him.

happy birthday bubs.

2012-01-16T13:43:00.000-05:00

my dearest mason.

you are eight.

eight years ago...

i would have said that your 8th birthday seemed centuries away.

but here we are.

you are caring.

you have compassion.

you are so helpful, loving and patient.

we are often told by others how great of a big brother you are.

and they are so right.

God knew exactly what he was doing when he gave you that role.

i asked you to list your favorite things...

baseball. football. basketball.

macaroni and cheese.

ride bike. play outside.

legos. video games.

happy birthday bubs.
we love you like crazy.

the party.

rolling video games.

it was awesome.

mason and his buddy are just a few days apart.
they wanted to have a joint party... so we did.
these two are gonna give us a run for our money one day.
love them.

and it ain't no party without a cute snack table.
corn dogs. nachos. popcorn. and a coke.
that is pure healthiness, right there. ha.

the trailer was awesome.
four big screens inside... two outside.
16 game controllers. and one long bench.
there are also subwoofers under the trailer that make it vibrate.
add a little mood lighting... and lots of noise.
an 8 year old boy's idea of heaven.

the sisters outside getting jiggy to just dance.

happy birthday to you.

happy birthday dear mason and max.
happy birthday to you.

and a balloon release to cap off the day.
perfect.

reflection... six years later.

2012-01-12T15:49:00.001-05:00

Six years ago this week, our baby girl entered the world. As she laid on my chest shortly after delivery, I looked down at her and vulnerably stated, "I don't think she is supposed to be this color." Indeed... she was having serious problems breathing and was taken to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit.

shortly after delivery (don't mind the blood and gore)

Traumatized from having my baby girl whisked out of the delivery room... I don't remember much. Although, I do remember a nurse wheeling me into the NICU to see my daughter. As I peeked over her isolette and saw her swollen little eyes... I knew in my heart that she had Down syndrome.

shortly after being stabilized in the nicu

At the time, I didn't voice my concerns to anyone... not even my husband. I think I thought that if I didn't talk about it... then perhaps it wasn't a reality. Eventually the doctors voiced their concerns... and they were the same as mine. We truly didn't know what having a child with Down syndrome meant for our family.

Looking back... I'm kind of sad that I was never educated. I really didn't know a thing about Down syndrome... or disabilities, in general. I didn't know anybody that had Down syndrome and I had nothing to look forward to. Our doctors were not the most supportive and the brochures that we were given regarding our daughter's diagnosis were less than promising. I felt more than alone.

This is why we educate and advocate however and whenever we can. We live our life... Down syndrome or not. We put ourselves out there and try to show the world that Down syndrome ain't so bad. Down syndrome is not a death sentence... hell, it isn't even debilitating. It is true love. It is sheer joy. It is acceptance of differences and embracing the same.

summer 2011

We have always said that if just one person is touched by our girls... then our job is done. But our prayer is that we go beyond that... I think we already have and we will continue to do so.

Six years ago this week, I sat in a booth at Chuck E Cheese with tears streaming down my face. We were there trying to have some semblance of a celebration for Mason's second birthday... the same day that we were to bring our daughter home from the hospital... seven days after her birth.

As I sat there, I couldn't help but watch the children run, laugh and play... all the while trying to hold back my tears... which was nearly impossible. I wondered how Payton would fit in to a scene like Chuck E Cheese. Would she even be interested in something like that? And if so, would the other children play with her... or would they stare and shy away from her? My heart broke all over again that day.

We often say... if only we knew then what we know now. Payton is just one of the kids. She plays, runs, climbs. She enjoys the same activities that all children do... and she does them just the same. She has play dates with her friends. She gets invited to birthday parties... and she has some pretty amazing parties of her own. She plays tball, she is in girl scouts and she is even on a cheerleading squad for a local basketball program.

summer 2011

While Payton might not have all the social norms down pat... she has fun and she loves what she does. We could care less how far she hits the ball, how many words to a cheer she knows or even how many moves she misses. She is happy to be with her peers... doing what girls do. We are so proud of her and her happy-go-lucky self.

Six years ago this week, we wondered what school would look like for our daughter. Would Payton be educated with her peers? What would her learning look like? Would she have friends? Would the other kids make fun of her?

I have to say... we are so blessed with our team at school. Payton is included in a regular kindergarten classroom 100% of the time, with some push-in support. She is doing amazingly well... and a big part of that is her peer support. Yes, she has friends. No, they don't make fun of her. They are proud of her and they help her along however they can.

The other day I walked into her classroom, and one little girl ran up to me, "Payton passed her test today!" She was so proud of her... as was I. The kids understand that Payton needs more support than they do... they understand that it takes her a little longer to learn the things they do. It is good... we are in a great place and it makes my heart happy. One of my DS momma friends once joked that her daughter is like the mayor of the school... ohmygosh, so true. When you walk down the hall with Payton, every.single.kid... "Hi Payton B, Hi Payton B, Hi Payton B." Love.

payton and some of her classmates

Here is where I will say that inclusion is hard work. I had to push a bit to make this happen, but we are so lucky to have a team that was willing to try... and willing to be educated about how to make this work for Payton. And I think she is showing them over and over again that she can do this. Inclusion can be successful, you just have to know how to make it work. You need to support your teacher and be present in the classroom. You need to network with the other parents and help them to understand Down syndrome, so they can relay that to their children. And so far... it is working.

::

Man, I love that chick so much... she has changed my life forever. I was bawling the other day just thinking of how far she has come and how thankful I am for the blessings in our life. I'm not sure how many years I have cut off my life worrying about both of my girls... many of those worries unnecessary in hindsight, but when you don't know what you don't know... you worry.

Six years later, I hope we have shown in some way that life is good having Down syndrome in it.

this is huge for us.

2012-01-10T07:49:00.003-05:00

having an emotional morning after doing some reading with payton.

from a reading perspective and from a speech perspective.

we honestly never knew what her capabilities would be... or could be.

we always just hope for the best.

she continues to blow us out of the water.

she works so hard.

and each milestone deserves 100 gold metals.

she is reading.

she can finally say her name.

this is huge for us.

she's six.

2012-01-08T22:07:00.000-05:00

six years ago yesterday... our lives changed forever when our baby girl was born. more reflections to come this week, but for now... payton's carnival birthday celebration.

a celebration of payton's life. a celebration of down syndrome. a celebration of every thing that she is... and so much more.

the snack bar.

i made this after being inspired on pinterest. isn't it adorable? i love the pennant flags!

icy cold lemonade.

swirly pops and popcorn.

cotton candy and nachos. ~~churros and roasted peanuts~~.

carnival games.

duck pond.

bean bag toss.

clothespin drop.

face painting.

photo booth.

party hats, rock star sunglasses. and don't forget the lips and mustaches. ~~just don't glue the mustaches upside down like i apparently did... oopsie~~.

i adore this photo... payton and some of her classmates.

when we had a garage sale fundraiser a few years ago for our adoption of nika, someone gave us a polaroid camera and film. we didn't sell it and it has been sitting in storage since. kyle pulled it out and found it was fully functional... yes! photo booth perfected.

my absolutely scrumptious niece. love her.

the limbo.

hold the line please. snack break.

she's a trip.

the prize booth.

happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you!
happy birthday dear payton, happy birthday to you!

for party favors... we sent each of the girls home with a goldfish. i was really nervous the parents would kill me for this... but i knew the girls would love it. we wanted to make sure they all had some food on hand, so we borrowed some ketchup containers from *cough* a fast food chain *cough* to hold fish food.

*snickers*

trying to keep 35 goldfish alive is hard... we bought them the night before the party and 19 of them died. that is not a typo... seriously! ~~stupid fish~~. we restocked the morning of the party. lessons learned... do not feed the fish and do not admit to the pet store that the fish are for a birthday party or a carnival... because uh, they aren't allowed to sell them to you if you do. why yes sir, we do have a 10-gallon tank of um, just goldfish.

*grins*

i have to say... the goldfish were ~~damn~~ brilliant. love it... and i think everyone else did too.

after most everyone went home... we went outside so payton could let her balloons go into the sky. whew... that made my emotions let loose a bit. the finale to an amazing party... sort of symbolic, sharing the love and happiness from our day with the world.

and then more than half of the ~~damn~~ balloons got stuck in the trees.

*sigh*

let's just pretend that part didn't happen.

bye boons... in the sky!

the perfect ending.

best part of the day... seeing the happy, giddy faces of payton and her friends. there is so much that you miss when you are the party hostess ~~and have your face behind a lens~~. but... i loved hearing stories from our friends and family after everyone went home.

it makes my heart happy.

happy 6th birthday payton... i hope your day was everything you could have ever hoped for and more. one thing is evident... you are loved and supported by so many.

we are blessed beyond measure.

::

party tips... coming in a bit...

happy new year.

2012-01-01T09:44:00.000-05:00

our christmas eve traditions are some of my most favorite things.

to say the kids were excited this year would be an understatement... especially mason.

the anticipation of christmas morning was a lot for him to handle.

he had a christmas eve checklist to get us through the day.

put out the reindeer food.

he left it up on our upper balcony... with the help of his father.

you know... because the reindeer land on the roof.

track santa.

kyle surprised the kids with a projector so they could track santa on the big screen.

they thought that was the best.thing.ever.

light our christmas eve luminaries.

it is a community wide event... yet we were one of maybe two houses on our street to have them.

mason was offended and called the rest of our neighbors grinches.

no offense to our neighbors, of course, ~~but i agree with him~~. ha.

dinner at grandma's. and the festival of lights.

church.

we went to a new church this year for christmas eve service.

i liked it... very contemporary.

instead of lighting candles in the pews, everyone went to the front to light tea lights.

so calm. so peaceful. so pretty.

pajamas from the tooth fairy.

when we got home from church, the kids found gifts of pajamas on their beds.

the tooth fairy brings them every christmas eve.

it's tradition and has been since i was a kid.

'twas the night before christmas. and put out cookies and milk for santa.

christmas morning mason was the first to rise.

he was so excited and woke me.

"mom, can i just go sit downstairs and wait?"

needless to say he and i ended up waking everyone else.

isn't that how it goes? chop chop!

one of mason's favorite gifts, from his grandma...

a wooden bat and a warm up jacket for his travel baseball team.

another favorite.

american girl dolls.

yup... we took the plunge.

i have no idea where this smile came from... but it is making an appearance a lot lately. hilarious.

even gigi would like an american girl.

i took her with me to the american girl store when i bought the girls' dolls.

it was like trying to get a kid out of a candy shop.

so cute to see her light up like that.

payton is such a good little mommy.
i love watching her with her doll.

"aww!"

nika fought hard to keep her laptop to herself.

darn big sisters.

it was pretty funny... picture nika rolling across the floor, holding on for dear life.
home girl is learning to stand up for herself.

when we were in russia, we brought home a matryoshka doll for nika.

our intent was to create a collection for her...

but we don't really have access to authentic matryoshka dolls.

enter her grandparents... they got her one for christmas.

it was purchased from the moscow ballet... which has a traveling show that was here in the states.

love!

another of mason's favorite gifts this year.

~~as if we needed another nintendo ds in this house~~.

and one of my favorite gifts this year.

headphones for the kids.

black for mason. pink for payton. purple for addison.

mostly i love that they have not been buried in the madness.

the kids still grab them and throw them on.

three points for me.

we had a very blessed christmas day.

nice! a huge thank you to my in-laws.

we spent christmas evening with some of my extended family.

love them... and love that my kids will have these memories.

the kids each got small gifts to open.

and we played charades... so.much.fun.

we spent a lazy new year's eve at home as a family with my mom and grandmother.

playing games.

watching the times square celebration on television.

mason made it to about 11:50 p.m. before he just couldn't keep his eyes open any longer.

happy new year.

ps... today marks day one of my 365 journey... click here to read more. my challenge to you is to join me... pick up your camera and document your life.

pps... i finally redirected my blog to the url i bought a few years ago. i think this may mess with rss feeds, google reader, yada yada... not too sure, but check it out and edit the address if you need to... so sorry! the url is www.ourperfectlyimperfectlife.com

Merry Christmas.

2011-12-25T01:10:00.000-05:00

Spread some holiday cheer.

2011-12-23T09:39:00.001-05:00

The kids had their winter celebrations at school this week. There has been a lot of talk lately about the fact that our kids don't have holiday programs at school like we had when we were growing up. There is no singing Jingle Bells... there is no dressing up as gingerbread men. I have come to find out that many schools are still doing holiday programs... ours does not. That's all I will say about that... I am here to spread some holiday cheer... not moan Bah Humbug.

So... make crafts and eat snacks, we did.

The kids love when we come into their classes... what kid doesn't? But Payton... she really loves it. As in, the moment she sees us, she jumps up and down, hoots and hollers, "Mommy! Daddy! Yay!"

She is so damn cute.

Earlier this week, we didn't send Payton to school one morning because I wanted her swabbed for strep. She tends to get a rash on her chest when she has strep, with no other symptoms. To say she was upset that she couldn't go to school is a gross understatement. I told her that if her strep test was negative, that she could ask Dr. G if she could go to school.

Kyle said she was so adorable when the doctor came in to tell her that her test was negative.

Payton: Docker G? Schoo pwease?
Dr. G: Yes, you can go to school.
Payton (clapping): Yay! Schoo! Yay!
Dr. G: I hope she gets this excited to go to school in five years.

As they walked past the nurse's station and the receptionist to exit...

Payton (patting her chest, to signify "me"): Schoo! Schoo!

As you can tell, school is going great for Payton. More on that to come.

::

Mason's travel baseball team visited an assisted living facility yesterday with our local police. Kyle coaches the team and the girls and I were lucky enough to tag along. We wanted to expose the boys to the elderly, the needy... something a little outside of their comfort zone, all while delivering the spirit of the holiday season.

The elderly that we visited and brought gifts for was a predetermined group that was chosen by the facility. These were folks that have no visitors, no family. It has left me puzzled as to how someone can have an elderly person in their life that they have neglected.

I think the boys enjoyed visiting with this gentleman, who declared, "I'm overwhelmed!" as he tried to sit up in bed to receive his gifts. He was hard of hearing and the boys thought it was funny when he told them that all of his packages are stolen from him... the rest of us sad to know that this gentleman clearly has some pretty bad dementia.

Payton and one of the boys each had a gift bag for another gentleman, Bill. We knocked on his door, but he wasn't there... we were told that he is very social and that we would find him in the lobby. Sure enough... turns out Bill was the first face that had greeted us when we walked in.

He was so happy and so very thankful. I wish we could invite him to spend Christmas day with our family.

Many thanks to our local police department for coordinating this event for our boys... we look forward to much more of this to come.

::

Payton read us our bedtime story last night... book #22 in our countdown to Christmas. She has her own way of telling a story, though... and I'm positive she knows exactly what she is saying. That is all that counts in our world, because moments like this make my heart flutter with love.

These are the moments I crave.

2011-12-20T16:06:00.000-05:00

When I was growing up, we lived in snow-clad areas of the country... New York, Pennsylvania, Michigan, Wisconsin. We never questioned whether or not we would have the white fluffy stuff that winter. ~~Not to mention the fact that we probably wished it away too~~. Sledding, snowballs and snowmen... we took it all for granted. And I went to college in Minnesota, where although we always had snow... classes weren't canceled unless the wind chill was like 80 below and you literally could not breathe.

And today... somehow I ended up living in a state that might get snow. It messes with your mind, not knowing whether we will even get the chance to sled or make a snowman with the kids. We have gone from getting barely anything one year to getting 31 inches another year. But there is never a guarantee. I am a little depressed seeing all the snow in other parts of the country this morning. Our forecast for Christmas day this year? Sunny and 50 degrees. Pff.

Payton... Snowmageddon 2010

Mason... Snowmageddon 2010

Nika... Snowmageddon 2010

Some of my favorite memories from my childhood involved snow... and I want that for my babies. Please Mother Nature... deliver!

::

Cookie project for my in laws (read: if you are my in laws, stop reading now)...

What you'll need:
Grasshopper cookies
Candy canes
White chocolate

1) Smash up some candy canes.
2) Spread the Grasshopper cookies out on wax paper.
3) Melt white chocolate.

4) Coat each cookie in white chocolate. ~~I hope you are better at melting chocolate than I am~~.

5) Sprinkle crushed candy cane onto each cookie.

Wa la!

I forgot to take a picture, but we packaged the cookies up nicely and attached a picture of the kids decorating the cookies. To: Grandpa and Grandma, Love: Mason, Payton and Nika.

We had to let the cookies sit overnight so the chocolate could harden. Rex must be starving, because the crazy dude dove head first into our candy that was left over.

Reeexxxxx!

::

It's tradition for our local fire department to bring Santa around on the firetruck each year. An ambulance leads the pack with sirens blaring, cueing the children to bolt outside to catch a glimpse of the jolly old guy. This year it was just Nika and I at home... we ran to the curb and she stood there staring, in awe.

There is something about moments like this, when it is just her and I. It allows me to slow down, give her my full attention and feel the moment with her in the spotlight. I stood behind her getting a bit weepy, taking in the enormity of the situation through her eyes. I couldn't help but think about how different her life would be today if she hadn't been adopted by our family... and about how a moment like this would never be happening.

These are moments I crave... because I love this kid and I never want to forget our journey.

::

We had our annual cookie baking day this past weekend... grandma, aunts, cousins, grandchildren. We all pack up and gather to bake and decorate cookies. Unless your name is Payton... then you lick a lot more frosting than you smear.

Family cookie baking day is one of the things I most look forward to each holiday season.

As we baked, we talked a bit about the closeness of our family... my aunts are like mothers to me... my cousins like sisters. My cousin joked that her friends are always saying, "You are always with your family!" Yup... we tight like that. I can't imagine it any other way... these girls are my soul sisters. ~~And sadly I only have photos of the kids because I accidentally deleted the others... oopsie~~.

Embrace your family. Enjoy the holiday. Do it while you can.

::

The winners of the BusyBodyBook are...

#2

Beth said...

Oh my, that calendar looks so much more organized than mine:)I use a regular old calendar that my newspaper sends me every year in January...teeny tiny boxes and all filled up, usually having to write into the next day! Drives hubby crazy...he thinks I am nuts for not using an online calendar. I have little time to get online and figure it all out, i tried using Cozi and failed miserably. And i tried a large dry erase, that didn't work either...paper calendars are easier for me!!
Anyway....just wanted to add that Nika sure is a beauty..then and now. Precious!
And the elf thing...its all up to me as Rod is out of town every week. I am running out of ideas....YIKES, how many more nights do I need to do this, LOL!

#16

nicole said...

I use the busy body planner thanks to your blog post last year and I love it and would be lost without it!!!!! I follow your blog all the time!

Nika is so beautiful! So is the others!

Nicole
Nmills25@verizon.net

Ladies... please email me with your mailing address so I can get them in the mail to you... yay!

BusyBodyBook anyone?

2011-12-15T14:18:00.002-05:00

When we met Nika, back in September 2008, we left a disposable camera with her caregivers to take pictures of her in her baby home before we went back to get her in November 2008. When we returned, they gave us the camera and I could not wait to see what was on it.

Well... we got home and the camera was nowhere to be found. I swear I looked in every piece of luggage we had taken to Russia... nada.

Fast forward to the week before Thanksgiving this year... Kyle pulled out an old duffel bag to pack for our cruise. Lo and behold, there was the camera. I have no idea how we missed it back then, but whatever... we got it now.

So I took it in to be processed... and there was a whopping five pictures on there. And only one of them was of Nika. I'm going with the one-is-better-than-none philosophy.

Here she is... taken sometime between September and November 2008... she turned two years old that October... chunky monkey...

And here she is now... just turned five years old... gorgeous as ever...

That is three years in the life of a former orphan.

Me: Nika, who's the Russian?
Nika: (proudly tapping her chest) Me!

::

So this elf thing... I hear some people are sayin' it has gone haywire. I'm just sayin'... I think it is fun and hilarious. ~~Granted, this blog post is equally hilarious~~. And my kids like it... and, and... stuff. C'mon people... it's a little holiday fun. Good memories for the children... although yes, the bar has been raised* and we can never go back. But it's okay... just one more good memory my kids will have from their childhood.

*Just hope that your kid doesn't talk to his friends at school and come home saying, "But Johnny's elf brought him a dog... man, our elf sucks!" I think my neighbor told my husband that something similar happened. Oopsie.

I have stepped aside to let my husband have the private conversations with Rex, our elf. Because my ideas for Rex suck... and my husband is a genius, apparently. Who knew?!

Exhibit A:

Rex was GONE FISHING. And dude, he was wearing Barbie's sunglasses. I'm sorry, but this is hilarious. Or maybe it's just me... but I am still laughing at this picture. Genius husband, genius.

Exhibit B:

Rex watched Elf, the movie. Popped himself some popcorn and plopped his butt in front of the tv.

Exhibit C:

Rex hijacked our angel and decided he deserved the honors. ~~Dude, my tree lights suck~~.

Exhibit D:

Rex planking on our pot rack.

Exhibit E:

Rex sent Mason on a scavenger hunt to find him this morning, knowing Mason is the first one up every morning. Clue number one was left on the remote control... guess we all know what Mason does when he gets up in the morning.

Yesterday, Rex nuzzled himself up in Payton's doll's bed. He had the kleenex and some cough medicine at his bedside. Mason went there for clue two.

Enter the gingerbread sleigh for clue three.

And Nika's mustache for clue four.

Clue five... the toilet papered Christmas tree.

And clue six...

That's all... for now. *snickers*

::

Coming out of the stone age to admit that I have never used Pandora before. I'm a little slow to catch onto these things... I think I waited a few years before I bought into Facebook (~~which I wouldn't mind boycotting at this point)~~. But today... my Pandora is kickin' and I'm happy. I typed in my New Kids on the Block love and it's pumpin' out some Vanilla Ice, Roxette, Rick Springfield, Justin Timberlake and Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch.

I.love.this.thing.

Oh yeah... Journey just came on. Just a small town girl... livin' in a lonely world...

::

Giveaway time... enter, the infamous BusyBodyBook.

'Tis my favorite.thing.ever. I gave away four last year and I have two to give away this year for 2012.

BusyBodyBook weekly grid planners are every mom's go-to time management tool for controlling the chaos of her family's multiple and hectic schedules. BusyBodyBook personal and family calendars provide individual family members with their own personal column to organize, easily view and follow their schedules and activities - and the ability to coordinate with each other ‘side by side’.

The award winning BusyBodyBook weekly grid format provides the clearest view of everyone's daily and weekly agendas. You'll easily spot overlapping schedules, avoid double booking and easily find more time to just relax with the family or for that pilates class you so need and deserve.

To enter...

1) Leave a comment on this post telling me what type of planner you use now and what you love or hate about it.

and

2) Follow my blog (see sidebar) -------->

Contest closes Sunday night at midnight EST... winner will be announced Monday. Good luck!

Love these girls.

2011-12-13T00:08:00.000-05:00

We have laughed together and cried... plenty. We have had good times (plenty of those, too) and bad. We are completely in sync with each other, for just one reason... we all have experienced the birth of a child that has Down syndrome. We get it... and we get each other. The bond that we have is unbreakable and any of us would be there for the other at the drop of a dime... no questions asked.

These are my Down syndrome mommies. And one of us is moving away. Linda, one of my closest friends, is leaving me. Wah!

True friendship isn't being inseparable... it's being separated and nothing changes. ~Unknown

We surprised her yesterday... oh, did we surprise her. She cried. We knew she would. Because that is Linda... and that is the love we have for each other. We can't help it... we can't control it.

A farewell party... just us, cruising the countryside and sipping on wine.

Friends through thick n' thin... friends to the very end... I think you would agree... that's how it is for you and me. ~excerpt from A Friend Like You by Geoff Moore

We enjoyed ourselves at a few wineries... got a little tipsy too. ~~Or maybe that was just me... the non-wine drinker with zero tolerance~~. A bittersweet day for Linda... for all of us, really.

Amidst the blue skies and crisp air, the coziness of the holiday season was among us. If ever there were a way to tie it all together... this was it. Perfect.

No matter where we go... be it through the highs and lows... I will be by your side... 'cuz you and I are friends for life. ~excerpt from A Friend Like You by Geoff Moore

Moving causes so many mixed emotions for me. Life gets in the way for so many of us, making it hard for us to see each other as often as we would like. The telephone has become my best friend... and I know that will never change, whether we live 20-some miles from each other or 2000-some. Some of my best friends live half way across the country... and we have that connection that distance can't touch.

A part of you has grown in me, together forever we shall be, never apart, maybe in distance, but not in the heart. ~unknown

Love these girls.

Don’t be dismayed at good-byes. A farewell is necessary before we can meet again and meeting again, after moments or a lifetime, is certain for those who are friends. ~unknown

This ain't the end sister, it ain't the end. ♥

::

Housekeeping matter...

The winner of the Freckles & Firecrackers hat is Ellen Stumbo. Congratulations Ellen!

Clutter be gone.

2011-12-08T12:55:00.001-05:00

If I had a dollar for every time in the past few years that I have said that I need to get organized, I'd be rich. Once upon a time... my sink was not piled high with dishes, my laundry room didn't have clothes scattered in every direction, my kitchen table wasn't full of school papers that belong to Lord knows who... you catch my drift. Thus began life with my babies.

*photo courtesy of Stephanie Ascari photography

And I love them so. But my organizational skills are gone... mostly because of all the added stuff that my babies bring to our home. I always have big aspirations... but you know how those usually pan out. But now... now, I'm gonna git 'er done. Swear.

A couple years ago, I needed a solution for the kids' backpacks and coats. The kids would come home each day and throw their stuff on the floor and go. I knew this little nook off of our foyer was the perfect spot.

To this day, this is one of my favorite little areas of my house. I know, right... don't take much to keep me happy. It was rather cheap to put together... although there is no price that you can put on organization for your kids' clutter.

Supplies:
1 wooden ledge (mine is from Pottery Barn)
1 canvas print of my babies (or whatever else you want to set on your shelf)
3 frames from Michael's craft store (I reckon they still have these in different colors)
3 sheets of white scrapbook paper
3 wooden letters
1 can of spray paint
3 vintage hooks from Target

I chose amber colored accents because my dining room is opposite this area and I wanted the colors to compliment each other. The frame assembly is simple: dispose of the glass, replace it with scrapbook paper (a printed paper would be cute), glue the spray painted wooden letter to the scrapbook paper and wa la. The ribbon came tied in a bow, but I snipped it and tied it into a knot around the nail for a more streamlined look.

Tip: Make sure you use anchors for your hooks... they take a huge beating from the kids using them every day. And... I used to have a big framed image on that ledge... one day it fell when something hit it and the glass shattered. My advice... keep the area kid friendly and use a canvas (Canvas on Demand makes a beautiful canvas... save 25% on your order using code sleighbell25 now through December 11th).

Done.

Since then, I came to realize that I needed a solution for all the stuff that comes home in their backpacks. When you have three kids emptying folders all at once... things tend to get confusing. "Whose paper is this? Who brought this home. Whose book?" Between that and the things we keep at home to work on (i.e. sight words, tracing books, math worksheets, etc etc etc)... there is crap everywhere that ends up getting buried and lost. Sigh.

Enter the mailboxes.

I have been on a mission to find mailboxes like these for awhile now... much harder than I thought it was going to be. I ended up with these baskets from Michael's craft store (don't forget to use coupons)... perfect for what I envisioned.

I also got multi-color alphabet scrapbook stickers to spell out their names on their mailbox... love. I had to glue them because of the basket weave... easy peasy. The mailboxes are sitting on the counter in our butler's pantry (our builder named it that, not us... Payton killed our butler), right off the kitchen for easy access.

Clutter be gone. Ha... we will see.

::

Mason: Mom, I can't find the elf.
Me: I saw him upstairs.
Mason: You did?! Where?!
Me: In the bathroom... he hijacked your toothpaste.
Mason: But the book said he isn't supposed to go upstairs.
Me: Well... Rex has been very naughty this year.

Seriously... if I'm gonna keep up the wonder of Christmas, I need to get on my game. Mason has questioned everything this year.

Mason: How did Rex get stuck in the middle of the tree when he wrapped toilet paper beneath him?
Me: Well... he is magic and he must have jumped.

Hilarious. I wonder what Mason thinks in that cute little head of his when I tell him these things. Probably Dude, my mom is whacked!

::

We are off to revel in some more holiday cheer. Meanwhile... check out this gift guide from The TomKat Studio... I will take one of everything, please.

Try to be creative in your gift giving... I promise they who receive will never forget.

Open publication - Free publishing - More babies

Reminder... enter to win an adorable hat from Freckles & Firecrackers... contest closes tonight at midnight EST.

I love the wonder. And... a giveaway.

2011-12-06T21:14:00.001-05:00

We are counting down the days to Christmas with books this year. The kids take turns opening a book to read each night. To prevent arguments amongst my lovely children over who gets to open the book, I used three different wrapping papers... one for each kid. We just finished reading tonight's book about Christmas carols... we sang and sang... and my kids shushed me.

Dear Santa... For Christmas, I would like to be able to sing. Love, Bethany

I bought 20 kids' Christmas books at our local used book store for $21... a used book store is a must for this project. The other four books... well, three of them are actually videos... one for each kid... and the fourth book is 'Twas the Night Before Christmas, which came from our collection.

I'm just patting myself on the back for actually being on the ball this year and having a countdown to Christmas. I made a pact with myself to get things done early this year... so far, so good. Our holiday decor has settled in for the winter.

And my cards are sent. Booya.

I love the wonder and beauty of the holidays. It gives me the warm fuzzies.

We spent this past weekend soaking up the beginning of the holiday season.

We worked on our gingerbread sleigh. Mason decided he should take off his shirt and anything that Mason does... Payton follows. Not sure when my kids became so concerned with getting themselves dirty but... there ya have it. Ha.

Payton really enjoyed the frosting. Literally. She preferred to eat it, rather than give to her reindeer. "Mmmmm," she kept saying.

We did crafts at our community holiday extravaganza.

We cozied up on a horse drawn hay ride... hooves clacking, bells jingling and sporadic singing of Christmas carols.

And the kids got to see the jolly guy in the red suit.

We hit the local holiday parade... one of my favorite traditions.

And Rex is back. This year, he is up to no good. Mason was less than thrilled when we discussed the fact that Rex may be coming back... but now, he can't wait to get up in the morning to see what Rex is up to.

::

Time for a giveaway... and there are more to come. Just a few of my favorite things. ♥

I lurve hats on my babies. Nothing warms a momma's heart like seeing those sweet little cheeks peek out from beneath a hat that gets "Oh, I love that hat!" or "Where did you get that hat?!" everywhere you go.

Enter Freckles & Firecrackers. An adorable little business that is run by one awesome momma and her momma... and they just so happen to have an adorable little someone with Down syndrome in their lives. ♥

One random commenter from this post will win their choice of hat from Freckles & Firecrackers. Contest ends Friday, December 9th at midnight EST and the winner will be announced this weekend.

Check out their etsy page here... and their facebook page here. And use coupon code 12days for 25% off your order... only now through Friday, December 9th at midnight EST!

Although we are already past their cut off date for Christmas, they have agreed to offer an expedited option just for you... click here for details. This offer is only good through Friday, December 9th... so hurry!

Good luck!

::

Favorite deals of the day:

Best Buy has the Nintendo 3DS for $169.99 (retail value) plus free shipping... but you get a $50 Best Buy gift card with your purchase. Net cost of 3DS = $119.99.

~~Best Buy has the Nintendo 3DS Madden NFL game for $7.99 plus free shipping... go, go, go... not sure this will last! Retail value is $29.99.~~

And ... if your child needs a clear case to protect their Nintendo 3DS... check this out on Amazon... dude, it's only $.12... yes, 12 cents! Retail value is $14.99.

Got any good deals to share?

sail away, sail away.

2011-11-29T23:19:00.000-05:00

i have never been on a cruise before. for me ... doing so was more of a fantasy. i get motion sick very easily and the thought of being on a ship for days on end made me nervous. all i could think of was how incredibly sick i got on the deep sea fishing trip i went on when i was younger. no thanks.

fast forward to a few months ago ... my cousin and i decided we were going on a 4-night cruise. i figured i could take dramamine and wear those oh-so-stylish sea bands ... right? well, all nerves aside ... my sea bands did me well.

sail away, sail away.

the sail away party could be described in three words. beer. music. and dancing. it was all i had ever envisioned a sail away party would be. you know, if there had ever been a time that i envisioned such a thing. the moment you realize you are worry free for the next few days ... as you sail away into the horizon = serenity.

that night we went to dinner, saw a show and perhaps got a wee bit nauseous. we went back to our cabins to endure the motion of the ocean. luckily ... night one was the worst and the rest of the trip was not as bad.

to our surprise, our bed had been turned down and teddy bear was waiting. before we embarked ... mason had given his daddy his teddy bear to take on our cruise ... because he loved him. aww ...

each night we also had towel animal creations waiting for us. it became a guessing game as to which little guy we would get each night ... on our last night, we put in a special request for a monkey. and we got him ... but, i think he was a grim reapin' monkey.

day two. we ported in freeport. i guess we did not really know what to expect, but when you know you are porting in the bahamas ... you envision white sandy beaches and little bahamian shops.

sunrise coming into freeport

freeport = not so much. more like ... big concrete slab and taxi drivers waiting to take you somewhere, as if you have any clue where to go or who to trust.

we approached an older trustworthy-looking gentleman and asked for advice as to where to go. we knew we wanted a beach and so he told us to "go wait over there". we soon learned that you cannot get a taxi cab with less than 10 or so people ... all jammed into a small van that feels like it could break down at any moment. our driver, david, was awesome though ... he taught us all about the bahamian culture.

we made our way to junkanoo beach. and all i have to say is that crusty old van ride was so worth it. junkanoo was heaven on earth. silky smooth sand. crystal blue water. the hum of jet skis in the midst. and drinks in hand. a true tropical paradise.

the minute we stepped onto the beach, we were bombarded by locals. i will admit ... they were very nice and quite entertaining. my cousin and i had a hard time telling the women no ... they all had their sob stories and we felt so bad for all of them. their stories were all true, no?

"pretty lady, you want braid? how about necklace? there's lots of competition ... please buy from me."

"get your tshirts! blue light special ... buy one, get none. life time guarantee ... call
1-800-BAHAMAS direct."

i could spend a lot of time at this place. at i sat with my feet in the sand and a drink in my hand, i couldn't help but imagine weekly trips to junkanoo with the kids. one can dream, no?

we basked in the sun for a few hours and then hailed a van taxi to town ... where the marketplace was. we shopped a bit ... and got everything we needed to top off our tropical paradise. you know ... where else do you get to drink from a coconut? my cousin had to have it.

we made our way back to the ship for a night at sea. we took in sunset from the upper deck and i got ballsy with dinner that night ... seafood. i really do not like seafood. but for samson ... i ate seafood.

samson was our waiter. we.love.samson. he was hilarious and made dinner one of our favorite parts of the cruise. he is from india ... we enjoyed getting to know him and learning more about the culture in india. oh ... and he about had a heart attack if we tried to order a hamburger or something else not-so-gourmet ... so, seafood it was on this particular night.

day three. nassau.

sunrise coming to into nassau

getting off the ship in nassau was so different than freeport. everything we wanted was right there. shops, restaurants, bartering with locals. but first up ... snorkeling.

could the water be any more gorgeous?

we took a huge catamaran out on the water with 100 or so other people to go snorkeling. we sat on the bungee cord nets in the front, elevated right above the water ... that was fun and everyone ended up with tic-tac-toe butts. ha.

once we anchored, we all put on our snorkel gear and hopped in the water. oh wait ... my cousin geeked out at the last minute and did not go. sad.

peace.

oh my goodness, we laughed so hard at each other. i don't know why it was so funny, but it was. kyle couldn't get his mask on and my life vest ended up choking the hell out of me because it wasn't strapped tight enough to my body.

but once we got ourselves together, we were good to go. gotta say i expected to see more color ... the reef didn't have much to offer. nonetheless, it was still a fun experience.

once we got back to the ship and showered ... we took on nassau. it was refreshing to shop in the stores and not be called a pretty lady every two seconds or be badgered to buy things. some of their gift shops were insanely cute and i'm kicking myself for not buying a few of the things i saw.

then we took on the locals. and again ... my cousin and i felt so sorry for all these women. it was late afternoon, so many of them had their children sitting there with them ... clad in school uniforms and all. they were adorable.

as we walked through the streets of nassau, we met winston. he had a woodworking shop that he wanted to show us ... or possibly he wanted to sell us uh, something else. we snapped his pic and kept right on walkin'.

at sunset, we headed back to the ship for dinner, drinks and shows. the dancing and singing shows were great ... but tai, the girl that hosted superstar live: karoake, was hi-larious. oh my gosh ... we laughed so hard at her. she basically is there to help and sort of make fun of the people singing. we loved watching her show.

as we waited for dinner, we had fun with my camera at the atrium bar. asking another person to take a picture while shooting on manual settings and using focal points = almost pointless. the staff person who offered to take our picture then fell deeply in love with my camera and just wanted to keep shooting us. she was pretty funny.

camera recovered and given to our boys = even more pointless. but still cute, fuzzy and all.

love this girl.

damn. there i go flashing signs again. did i seriously think to myself .... "self, it would look awesome if you double flashed peace right now."

ha ... such a loser i am. but i still love this girl. my baby cuz.

day four. fun day at sea.

a whole lot of this ...

and this ...

and a very happy 12th anniversary to my husband. my best friend. my love. 16 years we have been together ... that seriously seems like an eternity, but we must be doing something right because i love this boy more today than ever before. love him.

so when is the next cruise?

cousin love.

2011-11-13T22:35:00.001-05:00

the bash.

2011-11-11T11:53:00.001-05:00

our baby girl turned five and we did it like we like to do.
nika's halloween birthday bash.
it has become an annual thing.
costumes required.

i admit it.
i go all out for birthdays.
i love to do it and so i do.

the damn cake balls gave me a run for my money.
but i think i conquered.

every year ... someone complains about having to wear a costume.
never fails.
afterwards ... they realize just how fun it can be.
you're welcome.

my aunt and uncle ... above on the right.
prize for most improved costumes.
last year they were bacon and eggs.
ha.
no ... for real ... i think they took second place in my imaginary costume contest.

velma and her twin showed up.
fred, shaggy, scooby and the ghost too.
the ghost (my niece) was all popping her eyes out like she was saying, "boo!"
hilarious.

as ~~bad~~ luck would have it ... the day of the party was quite possibly the coldest day of the season.
cold. rain. snow.
we had to take the festivities inside.
i'm not sure my house will ever forgive me.

there on the couch you can see the mad hatter.
he wins first place in my imaginary costume contest.
his family was dressed as alice in wonderland.
and his costume was awesome.

donut on a string.
we did it last year too ... the kids love it.

we are so blessed to have so many great people in our lives.

happy birthday to you.
happy birthday to you.

happy birthday dear nika.
happy birthday to you.

thank you to stephanie ascari photography for capturing our day on film.
these memories are priceless.
thank you, thank you.

happy birthday, sweet girl.

2011-10-21T23:41:00.002-04:00

dearest nika.

today you are five.

you are still my baby in so many ways.

and yet... you are becoming such a big girl.
some of my favorite times are when it is just you and me.
like today at the pumpkin patch.
that is when your personality really shines.

your resilience amazes me.

you are so smart. you love to learn.
you get so excited to take the bus to school.

you thrive on attention.

you love to cuddle.
~~next time that stranger does not need a hug, mmkay?~~

you are an outgoing little girl. but only if you initiate the contact.
once someone turns the attention on you... shy girl appears.
you love music. and you really love to dance.
and i am pretty sure you are the only home girl in this family that has moves.

you love your brother so much. you really look up to him.

and you love your sister so much too.

~~except for when she bosses you around~~.

i refer to you as the mini-payton.

you mimic everything she does.

you love food. any food. ~~even food that you find on the ground~~.

you are so easygoing. yet... the drama rears its head.
you are so happy. and you usually have a smile to share.
you get your feelings hurt easily... especially if you fear you are being left out.

you crack me up with the things you say.
nika, who's the russian?
me!!
i love that. makes me grin every time.
we are so proud of you and your heritage. we will cherish that forever.

happy birthday, sweet girl.
we are just shy of three years together... and we have a lifetime to come.
i love you.
and your daddy does too.

5 years old.

2011-10-20T21:38:00.000-04:00

tomorrow my baby turns five.

5 years old.

each year nika's birthday brings with it a lot of emotion. it is a time of reflection of where we have been... and where we are now. sometimes it is easy to forget the journey we endured to bring her home. it seems as though she has always been here... yet it hurts my heart that there is so much about her past that i do not know.

i cannot tell her the story of her birth. but i can tell her that she was born in st. petersburg, russia, weighing 4 pounds 3 ounces. and that she was 18 inches long. and that even though her birth parents felt they could not care for her because of her extra chromosome... there was another family half way around the world that could.

and that one day we would meet.

i cannot tell her what time of day she was born. but i can tell her that she was born on october 21, 2006... which was sweetest day in the usa. ironically... kyle proposed to me on sweetest day in 1998. although unbeknownst to many... that hallmark holiday has always maintained a special place in my heart.

of course nika was born on sweetest day.

i cannot tell her much about her birth family. but i can tell her all about our family. and how much we love her. and all about our adventures to bring her home from russia.

i often wonder why her extended birth family never visited her in the two years she sat in a baby home. i often wonder why her mom refused to give us a picture of herself when we asked. i often wonder if her older birth sister knows about her.

there is so much that i wish i knew.

i wish i knew how to show nika's birth family that she is thriving and loving life... extra chromosome and all.

her birthday wish?
that you would help another orphan that sits and waits.

charlotte is in an eastern european country.
she has less than three months left in her baby home.
after that... she will be transferred.

the family wanting to adopt charlotte is hosting a huge fundraiser.
they are desperate to bring her home.

for a small tax-deductible donation... you will be entered into a drawing to win a slew of prizes.
dslr camera.
kindle fire.
gift cards.
and so much more.

1 entry = $10
5 entries = $25
20 entries = $50

please help.
go now.
$10 will go so much further than you think.
and you could win an awesome prize.

thank you.

strut your stuff.

2011-10-20T12:03:00.000-04:00

Once a year, our friends and family come together to honor our girls. It is a day of love and acceptance. A day of understanding and respect. If there were such a thing as Down syndrome Island... this would be it. A place where people just get it... they get our love for these two chicks above. Extra chromosomes and all.

As I pulled around the bend to bring the Buddy Walk site into full view... I burst into tears. This day is so important to me and it always brings so much emotion to the surface. Having so many people come together to promote awareness for Down syndrome... I cannot even put into words how this makes me feel. Me lurves it.

Happiness. Pure joy. Love.

That is all I see when I look back at these pictures from our walk.

Ain't no wet ground and mud gonna stop us.

Rachel Coleman from Signing Time was there... we love us some Rachel! Her videos are a huge hit among kids... and it is because of her that so many of our kids with Down syndrome can easily learn sign language.

And she totally could live on Down syndrome Island... she would fit right in!

We are so blessed to have always received tremendous support from friends that we met in Russia while adopting Nika. Their son... Sasha... grew up with Nika in the same groupa in their baby home... and they live 15 minutes from us.

I have a special attachment to Sasha... he and Nika were adopted on the same day. I will never forget the look on his face when he came running in the room showing off his new clothes just before he and Nika were sprung from the baby home. Oh my gosh... his happiness over just an outfit was freakin adorable... if that does not put things into perspective for you, I am not sure what does.

Our families traveled to Moscow together to complete our adoptions. Nika was so young and oblivious to what was going on... but Sasha was not. We were able to experience not only the adoption of a younger child, but also an older child that was very aware of what was happening. The good times and the bad times... it really helped us gain perspective as to the true emotion a child goes through in an international adoption.

Nika and Sasha are thriving today... and I feel so blessed to have this connection.

Dora! Oh, how we love our Dora.

Oh, Elmo and Spiderman... we love you too!

Mostly... I just love these three so much.

we will never forget.

2011-09-11T10:14:00.002-04:00

exactly 10 years ago today.

Source

i was in my car alone... driving to work.

just another morning in metropolitan DC.

8:46 a.m.

i hear on the radio that an airplane has just crashed into a building in nyc.

come to find out it was the north tower of the world trade center.

i remember being taken aback... wondering how a mistake like that could happen.

i remember calling my aunt to ask if she had heard the news.

9:03 a.m.

a second airplane has just crashed into the south tower of the world trade center.

The South Tower of the World Trade Center explodes in flames after being hit by the hijacked airliner now universally known as "the second plane," United Airlines Flight 175, September 11, 2001. This photo -- with its black smoke; the shocking, brilliant, colossal flames; the cloudless sky; the beautiful Brooklyn Bridge flying the American flag -- captures so much of the story of the day that, if one were to create a composite picture to illustrate the idea of "9/11," the result might look very much like this astonishing shot.

(Photo: STR/Reuters /Landov)

Source

panic sets in.
i continued on to work.
i realized at this point that this was no mistake.
but i did not know what to do.
i did not know how to make sense of what was happening.

In a scene repeated with terrifying frequency as flames engulfed the top of the towers, a man falls (or leaps, as was evidently the case with many victims) to his death from the World Trade Center. On the morning of September 11 photographer Richard Drew, in the midst of another assignment, got the call to drop everything and head to the World Trade Center. As soon as he arrived downtown he began shooting; later in the day, as as he processed what he had shot, he was especially struck by this photo -- and with reason. One of the most recognizable pictures made on 9/11, the image from a purely photographic perspective is breathtaking: the miniscule human form caught against the massive, abstract background of the towers is so obviously helpless, and doomed, that we're tempted to reach out our hands to try and cradle the tiny anonymous figure. And while Drew himself refuses to conjecture about the man's identity ("I prefer to think of him as a sort of Unknown Soldier," he told LIFE.com), it's impossible not to put ourselves in the falling man's place -- with all the dread and empathy that that sort of transference commands.
(Photo: AP Photo/Richard Drew)
Source

9:38 a.m.
hijacked flight 77 crashes into the pentagon.

(Photo: REUTERS/Larry Downing LSD/HB)

i stood with co-workers in the conference room at work watching the news coverage.
the pentagon was just two miles away... a short five minute drive.

my husband worked in a hotel that looked over the pentagon.
there was a cellphone blackout.
and i could not get a line to reach him.
i panicked... along with everyone else that could not reach their loved ones.

we were sent home.
the roads were gridlocked.
i finally reached my husband on the phone.

They have our hotel on lock down.
There are snipers everywhere.
I cannot talk and I do not know when I will be home.
I love you.

if there is ever a time that you trust in the Lord.
this is it.
i drove to my aunt's house... our entire local family met there.
we sat and watched the television in shock.

9:59 a.m.
the south tower collapses.

10:10 a.m.
hijacked flight 93 crashes into a field in pennsylvania.

10:28 a.m.
the north tower collapses.

(Photo: AP Photo/NYPD, Det. Greg Semendinger)

This image (another by Stan Honda) is an exemplar of a strange, wrenching sight witnessed by innumerable people in New York on the morning of September 11: A survivor, layered in eerie, white dust, trudging away from the cataclysm. The man, Edward Fine, was an owner of an investment and public relations firm; he was on the 78th floor of 1 World Trade Center when it was hit.
(STAN HONDA/AFP/Getty Images)
Source

Stunned, frightened Marcy Borders, 28, is covered in dust as she takes refuge in an office building after one of the World Trade Center towers collapsed. Borders was caught outside on the street as the cloud of smoke and dust enveloped the area, and raced into the building seeking shelter -- a building into which freelance photographer Stan Honda had also fled. "She was sort of this ghostly figure," Honda told LIFE.com, "covered in grey-white dust, and I thought that this was an amazing thing to see, that this would make an important picture of what was happening out there." Of all the images from 9/11, Honda's picture is perhaps the most immediate representation of the collective and individual shock felt by those who were actually there, in lower Manhattan, when the towers fell.
(Photo: STAN HONDA/AFP/Getty Images)
Source

Rescue workers carry mortally injured New York City Fire Department chaplain Mychal Judge from the wreckage after he was killed by falling debris while administering last rites to another victim. A Roman Catholic priest, a recovering alcoholic, a gay man, and -- as an FDNY chaplain a spiritual adviser and trusted friend to countless firefighters through the years -- "Father Mike" was the first recorded victim of the September 11 attacks. Photographer Shannon Stapleton's picture, which burns with immediacy and yet somehow feels composed, almost painterly, captures much of the day's intense incongruities in one sombre frame: the intimacy of witnessing a single death in the midst of a monumental catastrophe; brilliant sunlight shining on the chaplain's lifeless hands; devastated first responders shrugging off exhaustion, racing to the aid of helpless victims. Here is the best, and the very worst, of that day.
(Photo: SHANNON STAPLETON/Reuters /Landov)
Source

as i sit here this morning watching memorials on television... a tear falls.

amazing grace is being played beautifully right now by a flutist.

and i try to find the words to explain 9/11 to my son as he asks...

What does this mean?

How did that happen?

Why did they do that?

On 9/11, the New York City Police Department lost 23 officers. The Port Authority police lost 37. The FDNY's dead numbered 343. Here, firefighter Tony James cries while attending the funeral service for New York Fire Department chaplain Mychal Judge at New York's St. Francis of Assisi Church, September 15, 2001. Photographer Joe Raedle, who attended and photographed funerals for weeks after September 11, told LIFE.com of this shot: "Anytime you see a fireman or a symbol of strength breaking down like that, it resonates." In fact, Raedle's photograph, with its ghostly echoes of James' salute surrounding his tear-streaked face, speaks to how millions of people around the world felt in the days and weeks after the attacks: namely, that strength was what we all needed most, and that it was the one thing that was hardest to find.
(Photo: Joe Raedle/Getty Images)
Source

how about you?
where were you when the first plane crashed?
how does this day in history affect you?

i love to hear the stories of others.

we will never forget.

good things are to come.

2011-09-08T22:04:00.003-04:00

the first day of school.

2011.

mason a handsome, mature little second grader.

payton a kindergartener.

addison still a preschool pipsqueak.

i have dreaded this day for over five years.

this day that payton would start kindergarten.

this day that i would have to remove her from my wing and let her fly.

and she rocked it.

in true payton style.

if only i could be as carefree and confident as she.

she had no time for the paparazzi as we waited for the bus.

ma.

i am going to kindergarten.

i am going to ride the bus with my brother.

i will make friends.

and pretty much you should stop worrying about me.

her confidence helps my anxiety a wee bit.
and mason helps it a whole lot more.
this transition would be so much harder without him.
that is one thing i do know.

she seemed real nervous, eh?

kindergarteners moved to the front of the line to load first.
payton would not budge until mason went with her.
she is obsessed with her brother.
thankfully the feelings are mutual.

be still my heart.

yeah.
i admit it.
i followed the bus to school.
day one. and day two.
had to have that visual of the unloading process.

it is good.
this momma's heart is full.

addison gets to spend her mornings with me.

she is in an afternoon preschool class with payton's old teachers.

love.

it is amazing to me how far she has come.
her speech is coming along great.
just need a little more spontaneity.
she is blossoming into such a big girl.
love her.

she is rockin some glasses.
moved into big girl panties this past weekend.
she is rockin it.

hilarious.
her backpack is still bigger than she is.
has been for two years now.

can't help but think what she would be doing right now if still in russia.
likely nothing even close to what she is doing now.
sniff.

so excited for her future.
good things are to come.

blasts from the past.

2009.

mason starts kindergarten and payton preschool.

addison starts preschool.

2010.

mason goes to 1st grade and the girls continue in preschool.

phew.

watching those old videos made me cry.

this momma is now a hot mess.

Saying goodbye.

2011-09-05T17:15:00.003-04:00

How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard. ~Carol Sobieski and Thomas Meehan, Annie

My sister and I.

It was early 2000 and I was a newlywed living in Wisconsin. We had always talked about moving back to the east coast to be closer to family, but I knew that I could never go without my mom and my sister.

On a whim, I applied for a job. You know, just to see what would happen. When the letter came in the mail telling me the date and time of my interview, I panicked. I called a family meeting and proposed moving to the DC metro area. We had family in the area, as well as up and down the coast. Mom said no. And I don't even remember what Kristie said, but because Mom said no ... all bets were off.

A day or two later, Mom changed her mind. She said yes, we all found jobs and within a few months ... we all were living in the DC metro area. And here we have stayed since.

Until now. Kristie has moved to Florida. Saying goodbye was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. It kills me that our kids will not grow up together ... that is one thing that I loved so much about being close. But I am happy for them and what this opportunity will bring them. Just have my fingers crossed that they come back ... soon. Ha.

Our kids ... minus the new babe, Maya.

Before Kristie moved, we celebrated Maya's baptism and spent the day at a waterpark. There is nothing else in this world that makes me feel like I am exactly where I am supposed to be than spending the day with family.

Love these chicks.

L-R: Tammy (cousin), me, Sherry (aunt), Debby (cousin), Mom and Kristie (sister)

Love these babes.

I have thought a lot about how lucky I am to have the family I have. How lucky I am to have a sister that I love so much. How lucky I am to have that in my life. As hard as it was to say goodbye to Kristie, life would be so much harder with nothing at all.

So we make the best of what we have. And even though Kristie left just a few short weeks ago, she is lucky to have a ~~crazy, spontaneous~~ sister like me that has already taken a detour to Florida to see her.

Until next time ...

Welcome Baby Maya.

2011-07-02T21:30:00.001-04:00

today.

july 2, 2011.

i had the pleasure of witnessing my first birth.

amazing.

my precious niece.

maya rose.

Welcome Baby Maya from bethany balsis on Vimeo.

Take the time.

2011-06-17T19:49:00.002-04:00

Those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music. ~Angela Monet

I saw this quote the other day and I like it... a lot. I tend to be a get-up-and-go type of person... adventurous, I suppose. If there is something I want to do... I do it. If there is somewhere I want to go... I find a way to get there.

And I don't let anything hold me back.

I have had this conversation with a few friends and family lately... about living life to the fullest. C'mon on along... let's do this... what are you waiting for... you deserve it!

NYC girl's weekend, anyone?

One of my greatest, bestest friends from Texas... McKenna... flew up this past weekend for a girl's weekend. Our friend Rachel and her friend Katie joined us... we had an amazing weekend!

On our way up to NYC to meet Katie.

Some artsy roll-around-on-your-friends exhibit.

Strolling the city streets, cafe lunches, traffic jams, Central Park, street performers, Times Square, architecture, street parades, M&M store fixes, naked cowgirls and cowboys, Serendipity, crazy cab drivers. All things NYC.

Note to self: Never lay down on a bench to capture a shot of the entire Rockefeller Center building again... you will be yelled at by security for laying on a bench.

This gentleman wanted some beer. He got mad at us for trying to take his picture without placing money in his cup. You want picture, you pay. We had to get inconspicuous and he knew it... he was holding his sign up backwards to cover his face. It was hilarious.

I reckon we were feeling a wee bit crazy that night.

On our way out of the city Sunday, we went to the World Trade Center Memorial site. I was there a few years ago and it is still just as crazy to imagine how things unfolded that 9/11 day when you are standing there.

Fire station that is on the street that runs along the World Trade Center site.

Throw a few chicks in a car in NYC and all bets are they will get lost. Yup, we did. Over this bridge, back over that bridge, down this street, oops missed that turn. The benefit of that is that you get to see lots of the different parts of the city. And bring along a Texas girl and she thinks she can hop out of the car to take pictures of a bunch of city kids playing a pick up game of basketball. Umm, hey white girl... get back in the car.

*ahem*

We headed on over to New Jersey to see our boyfriends Sunday night. It was sweet nostalgia... all four of us girls were huge New Kids on the Block fans as young gals, so being able to come together to see them with the Backstreet Boys was so much fun.

Yes, I love Jordan. I have never tried to deny that. Ha.

*insert 12 year old screeching eek! here*

Hey girls, can we make this an annual thang?

Music to my ears.

2011-06-09T13:18:00.000-04:00

I woke up at 4 o'clock this morning with knots in my stomach. The anticipation of Payton's eligibility meeting for her kindergarten transition was killing me. The transition meetings are two-fold... first there is eligibility to deem her eligible for special education services and to reassign her a label... and then there is her IEP meeting... during which the dreaded placement is determined.

Several weeks ago... I consented to a full battery of psychological testing on Payton. I was not exactly sure I did the right thing in consenting to the cognitive piece, as I do not necessarily agree that performing an IQ test on a 5 year old with Down syndrome is a reliable thing to do. Nonetheless... I consented because I was confident in Payton and her abilities.

Payton and her amazing teacher of two years

Going into today's eligibility meeting, I was so afraid that they were going to throw this unreliable IQ number across the table and claim that she automatically fell into an ID (intellectually disabled) label... which is the new MR (mentally retarded) label. Currently, Payton has a DD (developmentally delayed) label... as does every other preschool child with special needs.

Long story short... the time constraints did not allow the psychologist to conduct the cognitive testing. I was freakin elated... normally time constraints would not fly with me, but for this... I'll take it since I was not sure I really wanted it. So the outcomes were completely based on reporting of Payton's teacher, the social worker, me and the bits and pieces that the psychologist has seen Payton.

Payton and one of her classroom aides of two years

The psychologist handed me her report and began speaking. She went through the scores and went on and on about how well Payton has done. Her scores average out just slightly below average... and whew... open the freakin flood gates! I covered my face with the report and couldn't keep it in... I was ecstatic. I brought the paper away from my face and the psychologist asked me, "Are those happy tears or sad tears?" Happy tears, of course! And then the social worker started crying... and then Payton's teacher started crying.

How did we get so freakin lucky!?! I freakin love them. I love that they see the Payton that I see.

Payton and one of her classroom aides of two years

Based on all of this, the social worker said, "We cannot even consider the ID label. Payton's scores are way too high." Oh.my.goodness those words were music to my ears. Not because I am in denial over Payton's progress or her diagnosis... but because I do not want her tagged with a bulls eye on her forehead. It should not be that way... but sadly, it often is.

So we remain with a DD label and we will reevaluate before she turns 7 years old. Good by me! Next up: reconvene next week to set IEP goals and determine placement.

Consumption.

2011-05-31T23:53:00.001-04:00

We have been consumed by baseball. A good consumption. But consumed, nonetheless. Our mantra has been... There's a difference between interest and commitment. When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when circumstance permit. When you're committed to something, you accept no excuses, only results.

Mason has officially hit the age of really competitive sports. Granted, it seems most of the competition is among the parents. It gets a wee bit crazy.

He has thrown himself into baseball and works every.single.day on improving himself. He is lucky to have his dad as a coach... wish I had known my husband in his baseball star days. That's hawt. Ha.

Along with league ball, he is playing on a travel tournament team. The competition is intense, as is the time commitment. But we all love it, and we are really lucky to have an awesome group of kids and parents on our team.

Hello bleacher butt... it's gonna be long, hot summer. But I wouldn't have it any other way.

one spring day.

2011-05-25T16:07:00.000-04:00

Hey birdie birdie...

2011-05-18T22:16:00.002-04:00

Life as I know it is crazy. I have been trying to post pictures of our spring break trip for oh... several weeks now. Yeah... can't quite seem to finish it.

So today... today, I would like to introduce you to a bird.

We have been pounded with rain. I am pretty sure it has rained more in the past several weeks than it has in the last 11 years that we have lived here. After yet another torrential downpour yesterday afternoon... we headed outside to play while we had our chance.

Hey birdie birdie.

As I stepped out onto our porch... I heard the chirpings of a baby bird. As soon as he saw me... he hopped right on over like he had been waiting to greet me. I admit... I was a little freaked out and was waiting for him to peck me.

I ran back inside the house and the dude seriously came after me! You know those moments where you think to yourself, "Is this really happening to me right now?"

Yeah... totally that kind of moment.

I had no idea what to do with this little guy. He couldn't fly more than a foot or two and he seemed to be starving. His chirpings told me so. Ha.

So feed the baby birdie we did. A worm...

Some wet bread...

Yeah... we were clueless. We later found a nest in a neighbors tree and placed the birdie there. We did not really think that was where he belonged... but figured maybe he would find a foster mommy. Ha.

The little dude was not there today though... hope he found his way. Anything had to have been better than the bucket we offered him.

*

Please keep Kirill and the Davis family in your prayers as they travel back to Russia and appear in the Russian Supreme Court for their appeal hearing on May 24th. Tesney and Greg are so thankful for the blessings you gave in raising nearly $20,000 for their appeal. Thank you again... a million times over!

And... if you are feeling lucky and wanting to help another orphan and have a chance at winning a DSLR camera... this time a Nikon D3000 or a $500 gift card to B&H Photo. What what!

Renee is hosting a fundraiser for the Walters family... they are adopting Dillon... a handsome little guy that happens to have Down syndrome. They travel in two days and are $6,000 short. So what do ya say... can we help this sweet family get Dillon home?

For each $5 donation... you will get a chance at winning the Nikon D3000 or a $500 gift card to B&H Photo... or a slew of other great prizes. Awesome!

*

Goodnight!

$19,809.01 raised.

2011-04-12T08:02:00.001-04:00

552 contributors.

1960 raffle tickets.

$19,809.01 raised.

wowzers.

i.am.blown.away.

thank you.

and now.
for our prize winners.

:::

Canon EOS Rebel XS Digital SLR camera

$500 gift certificate to B&H Photo

and

a lifetime membership to ClickinMoms.

Sheri Holthe

:::

Cirque

by Lisa Tarkett Reed

Nancy Stinnett

:::

Custom blog makeover (by yours truly)

Rebekah Pett

:::

UltraHD Flip video camera

Amy Conner

:::

Organic Bloom Frame

by Lindsey Smith Photography

Maria Yakkey

:::

Schmetterlingszauber

autographed by Conny Wenk

Leslie Echols

:::

(3) handmade hats

#1 Carla Skelton

#2 Glenda Howze

#3 Marlene Prange

:::

$50 gift certificate to Uppercase Living

Jason Sheehy

:::

Hand crafted jewelry (various)

Anna Albano

Shylo Ulcak

Robert Micek

Rachel Thornberry

Carla Skelton

Kara Dickman

David Graves

Kimberly Giesting

Allen Parrish

Leah Neff

Shane Culver

Holly Caufield

Stephanie Dalby

Robert McPherson

:::

Signing Time full collection

autographed and donated by Rachel Coleman

Jocelyn Gilbert

:::

winners... congratulations!

and once again.

thank you!

moments from this week to cherish.

2011-04-10T11:55:00.004-04:00

Watching this community of giving, good hearted people come together and rise the Davis family above $16,000 for their appeal of Kirill's adoption. This has seriously been nothing short of amazing.

And I have to say, this comment took the cake...

That penny is from my 5 year old daughter. After seeing the video and hearing that I was going to make a donation, she ran to get her piggy bank and said, "I want to give too, Mama. I only have a penny, but he can have it." So we added a penny to our donation. :) Oh the simple faith of children!

Um... what a great lesson for all of us! *sniff*

There is less than 48 hours left for us to rise the Eicher family above $6,000... we can do this, you guys! Every $10 donation gets you the chance to win one of these awesome prizes... nice! Please take a moment to blog, facebook, tweet... be part of something huge!

Spending the day with my kids and grandmother, enjoying life in the slow lane. The weather was beautiful... quite possibly the nicest day yet this spring. Having the best lunch ever... those were Gram's words.

Sitting in DC traffic along the cherry blossom route... looking for the rare parking spot to open. Grabbing the one spot we found... and taking a few snaps.

Gigi... love her. We spend a lot of time together and have so much fun. She and I... we are one in the same. She.cracks.me.up.

Excellence is the result of caring more than others think is wise, risking more than others think is safe, dreaming more than others think is practical, and expecting more than others think is possible. ~Stephen Covey

Payton adores her big brother... as in, she is pretty much obsessed with him. She wants to do what he does, wear what he wears, eat what he eats, play what he plays. And bless his heart, he more than embraces her ~~and her obsession~~.

Oh... forgot one... she wants to sleep where he sleeps. The other night, I went in to check on them after bedtime. I was helping Payton adjust her bipap mask and once I got her settled, she goes, "Maymay. iPah." Haha... yeah, she totally ratted him out. He had the iPad under the covers hiding from me... he was so mad at her! Love it.

The two of them have since been separated... Mason on his top bunk and Payton on the bottom. They both are such restless sleepers, that neither of them were getting a good night sleep. Seems to be going well so far...

And speaking of Mason and his sisters... I tweeted this earlier this week...

Fave part of day so far: Mason taking the time to say goodbye and kiss each of his sisters before running off to school. #itsthelittlethings

I just loved that moment... as insignificant as it may seem. I think because rather than a "Bye!" and a quick kiss for me, he also gave each of his sisters his undivided attention in saying goodbye to them, waiting for their response and them giving each of them a kiss. All while the car pool lane waited.

I dunno... it just really hit me. How did I get so lucky?

Coming full circle.

2011-04-08T01:04:00.006-04:00

I'm just calling it Kirill's Army... you guys have raised over $15,000 in four days! Seriously amazing. Seriously a God thing.

An update of sorts: the Davis family appeal has been filed with the Supreme Court and they expect to have a court date soon. Please check their blog for updates.

And seriously praying that Kirill finds himself in these arms again soon.

Earlier today I was contacted by Rachel Coleman from Signing Time... most anyone that has a child with Down syndrome knows her. We lurve us some Signing Time. Rachel caught wind of Kirill's story and immediately asked how she could help... and if donating an autographed Signing Time full collection would be helpful. Um, yes please!

You guys, this collection is valued at over $1,000... check out the 7 day blitz to see it added to our awesome prizes. And thank you to Rachel... your heart is gold and we thank you for what you do for our kids, each and every day.

*

A note from Tesney, Kirill's momma...

Almost two years ago, at the beginning of our adoption journey, I received an email from a stranger named Lisa. She had learned of our adoption plans and was hopeful that she and her husband would adopt a child with Down syndrome from Eastern Europe as well. As we emailed back and forth, she told me that they had been considering a little boy named Kirill from Russia. I was THRILLED for them. Kirill caught my eye back when we were pouring over pictures and trying to decide on what child we would adopt. We did not consider him seriously because he was a little older than what we thought we wanted at the time, since he was older than our biological son, Clayton. Lisa and I emailed and we even talked about the birth order thing because if they adopted Kirill, he would be older than their daughter. We chose Sarge and we were so excited to bring him home.

When Lisa told me they had officially committed to Kirill, I was so happy for them (and even a little jealous). ;) Kirill was just so cute! We continued to email and make our plans to travel to meet the child to whom we had committed, bouncing questions about travel off of each other. Lisa truly seemed like a kindred spirit to me and it felt like we had known each other for our whole lives. Sometime between Thanksgiving and Christmas, I got a really sad email from Lisa. She told me that they were not going to be able to adopt Kirill because her husband had lost his job. Her pain was palpable. I knew from her words that the decision was a heartbreaking one for her family. I knew that she was so disappointed and I just hurt so much for her.

As Christmas approached, our family decided to forego the typical gift-giving fiasco and donate our Christmas gift money to a child or maybe two children from Reece's Rainbow. Kirill was one of the children we picked, along with another one of our favorites, Victoria. We got two Christmas ornaments from Reece's Rainbow, one with each of their names on them. Kirill just kept tugging at my heart and I even told Greg that if he was still available after we got Sarge home, I wanted us to seriously pray about adopting Kirill too. Since I look at the children on Reece's Rainbow often, Greg just kind of laughed and told me that we should probably worry about getting Sarge home before we started committing to other kids. But for some reason, a reason that we now understand, Kirill was always in the back of my mind.

On Tuesday, March 16, 2010, we got a call that would change our adoption path. We lost our referral for Sarge due to one of his biological family members objecting to the adoption. After a lot of tears and a lot of prayers, we felt so much peace. It was definitely the peace and comfort of the Holy Spirit. Greg and I decided that regardless of what had taken place with Sarge, we would press on with our plans to adopt. It never really was a question with either of us, but we just needed to reassure each other that we were o.k. to regroup and move forward with considering other children. Kirill was already in the back of my mind, so we decided to just go ahead and inquire about him.

Our adoption agency was so positive about us moving forward with Kirill. Several factors seemed to be confirming that he was the direction in which God was leading our family. He will turn four years old in May. In most Eastern European orphanages, once a child with special needs turns four, they are put into an adult mental institution. Often, they cannot be adopted once they are transferred. Kirill is only about six weeks from his 4th birthday, so time was running out for him. He also is in a region that doesn't allow families with more than four children in the home to adopt, so that knocks a lot of families out of adopting from this particular region. We definitely met that requirement. We also loved the idea of him and Clayton being so close in age; we felt like it would be positive for both of them. Plus, let's just face it...Kirill is FLIPPIN' ADORABLE!

Greg and I spent some time talking and praying about Kirill. When we finished, we both felt that we just couldn't say no to him. Our paperwork was relatively done and we met all of his region's requirements. So, we called our adoption agency and committed to adopt Kirill!

I emailed Lisa and told her the news. She was so happy and we were so happy that she would always be able to keep in touch with Kirill! It's just amazing the way that God has woven our stories together. Not only does she share our love for Kirill, but she can also relate to the loss that we feel for Sarge because she felt that loss with Kirill. We have kept in close contact over all these months and she’s been one of Kirill’s biggest supporters! I knew the Eichers would adopt as soon as they could. Little did I know I would get to be a part of their adoption story just like they are a part of Kirill’s story.

The Eichers have committed to another child; a little boy they call Archie from Bulgaria. They are $6,000 short of their total adoption costs. They are in country right now meeting Archie. I would LOVE to surprise them with the money they need to complete the adoption. When I realized that we were going to reach the $15,000 we needed before this fundraiser was even halfway finished, I immediately thought of the Eicher family. They are so woven into our lives and we consider them to be Kirill’s family as well. We feel like using excess funds from Kirill’s fundraiser to help fund Archie’s adoption would just bring Kirill’s story full circle. It’s beautiful the way that God does these things.

So THANK YOU for helping us reach our $15,000 goal to continue our appeal and Kirill’s adoption. Now let’s continue Kirill’s legacy and help another child with Down syndrome become an orphan no more.

*

That said... we are moving into the 4 day blitz for Archie. And when we see 100% on that widget, we will keep going. Because it isn't a question of if we will get there... it is how fast can you do it?!

Prizes are the same, rules are the same. This is one continuous fundraiser.

And for those of you who really, really wanted to help Kirill and the Davis family, but haven't had a chance to do so... I will leave their chipin up. Even though it is past 100%... it still will accept donations. I could change the goal, but how cool is it to see that our goal was met?! Also, all donations made will continue to count for the drawing.

Please share.

*Housekeeping: Some people have said they cannot see the chipin widget. Please clear your browser's cache and you should have no problems.

Oh.my.gosh.

2011-04-06T08:08:00.001-04:00

I have to get something off my chest...

You guys seriously rock. I am blown away. I am humbled at the generosity that you have for Kirill. You guys... we have raised over $8,000 in 48 hours!

*jumps up and down, screaming and hollering, with tears welling up in eyes*

If you need any reminder of what you are doing... take a second to watch this video of the first moment Tesney, Greg and Kirill met. This is not a child that deserves to be left without a family. Look at him. He is Payton. He is Nika. He deserves to be tucked in each night by his momma, poppa and big brother, Clayton. He deserves that, and so much more, just like every other person walking this earth.

:::

And if you haven't already... take a moment to watch Darius Rucker on stage singing with a group of young adults that have disabilities. They are Payton. They are Nika. They are Kirill.

Please share.

a 7 day blitz for kirill. and now the 4 day blitz for archie.

2011-04-03T23:28:00.022-04:00

Update 4/8/11: You guys have met our goal for Kirill in just four days ... eek! The 7 day blitz for Kirill is transitioning into the 4 day blitz for Archie ... click here to read more on the who/why/when/where. Rock it, you guys!

On March 17, 2011, the Davis family sat in a Russian courtroom and listened as the judge rejected their plea to adopt Kirill, an orphan with Down syndrome. "The judge said, “Your application to adopt is rejected.” The basis given was that Kirill was “not socially adaptable” due to his “medical condition” and he was better off in an institution than in a home with a family. As the judge read her ruling, she stated several times that we were a good family, that we met all the criteria to adopt a child, but that she would not approve our adoption because Kirill has Down syndrome. She told us that we could adopt another child, because legally our application had no problems according to Russian adoption law. She said she would approve our adoption for a “typical” child, but not this child. Why? The only reason? Because he has Down syndrome."

Being an adoptive mother to a Russian orphan with Down syndrome, I could expand on the million-and-one reasons Tesney and Greg's rejected application to adopt has deeply affected me. But that is not what is important.

What is important is that they are appealing the judge's ruling to the Supreme Court of Moscow and they need our help.

The Davis family has been through so much already... and now they have been slammed with astronomical unforeseen financial hurdles in bringing Kirill home. In order to just begin the process of filing their appeal, they had to pay $2,500. They have been told that they should plan to attend the Supreme Court hearing, which is a trip to Russia they never planned to have to make... add $3,000 - $4,000. If the Supreme Court overturns the ruling, they will have to return home and wait for a date to travel to Kirill's region to reappear before the original judge in their case... add $4,000 - $5,000. Assuming everything goes as planned, they will remain in country for the 10 day waiting period and finalization of their adoption... add $3,000 - $3,500.

So how can you help? A few of us adoptive mommy bloggers have put our heads together to create a 7 day blitz for Kirill.

:::

Our first prize...

Canon EOS Rebel XS Digital SLR camera

donated by Lisa, Charissa, McKenna, Renee and yours truly

$500 gift certificate to B&H Photo

Read all about the camera here.

And... a lifetime membership to ClickinMoms. An online haven of all things photography... tips and tutorials on everything from how to use your camera to editing your images to starting a photography business.

:::

Our second prize...

Cirque

by Lisa Tarkett Reed

approximate gallery value: $3,400+

recently juried into the FMH Crestwood Gallery for the Celebration exhibition
completed in 2010
oil on canvas
measures 3 feet by 4 feet

Oil paintings by regional artist, Lisa Tarkett Reed, celebrate and explore the relationships and patterns in nature. Reed’s paintings are inspired by her growing collection of natural objects. Flowers, crystals, rocks, leaves, shells and bones, collected by Reed over decades, provide points of departure in her work. As Reed layers line, shape and color, she discovers and plays with the geometry, relationships, and patterns inherent in organic forms.

In October 2011, Reed will have a solo exhibition at The Artists’ Gallery in Frederick, MD. Currently, Reed has a solo exhibition at Les Idees Gallery, Duquesne University, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Reed has had solo exhibitions at the Sweetwater Center for the Arts, Gallery Lascaux, Gallery 937 and View from Zenith Gallery, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania as well as at Shenandoah University, Leesburg, Virginia, Figure Five Gallery, San Francisco, California and the Walker Fine Arts Center Gallery at Patrick Henry Community College, Roanoke, Virginia. Reed has shown her work in group exhibitions at the Cheltenham Center for the Arts, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, Mary Condon Hodgson Gallery at Frederick Community College, Frederick, Maryland, The Delaplaine Visual Arts Education Center, Frederick, Maryland, Kentler International Drawing Space, Brooklyn, New York, the Carnegie Museum of Art and the Pittsburgh Center for the Arts, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, the State Museum of Pennsylvania, Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, and the Hoyt Institute of Fine Arts, New Castle, Pennsylvania.

Reed has taught drawing and painting for over fifteen years in regional art centers in Maryland, Pittsburgh and Virginia and at private schools in Brooklyn and Virginia.

Reed earned a BFA in painting from Tyler School of Art, Temple University, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, and studied painting in Rome, Italy as part of the Temple University Abroad Program. Reed earned an MFA from the San Francisco Art Institute, San Francisco, California.

In 2009, Reed founded Sister MamaCita, a Mothers’ Cooperative in the Arts and sister group to the Philadelphia based MamaCita, a Mothers’ Cooperative in the Arts founded by Melissa Tevere in 2005.

:::

Our third prize...

Custom blog makeover (by yours truly).

You will get...

custom header
custom background
custom signature and sidebar headers
installation of pages
installation of facebook/twitter/rss feed widgets
and more!

:::

Our fourth prize...

UltraHD Flip video camera.
donated by Joanne Charland, momma to Vinnie (a T21 friend)

Read all about the video camera here.

:::

Our fifth prize...

Organic Bloom Frame

by Lindsey Smith Photography

measures 16" x 20"
choose from a variety of styles and color combinations

:::

Our sixth prize...

Schmetterlingszauber

autographed by Conny Wenk

"Schmetterlingszauber is a book about the wonderful friendship of three beautiful little girls. Although they are colorful and unique like little butterflies, they have many more things in common that they don't.

They love spending lots of time together, whether they hang out at home or on the playground having fun galore. Sometimes they even have picnics on a beautiful meadow. They love dressing up like little princesses, polishing their nails, having little "imitation" tattoos, singing and dancing, telling bedtime stories to each other and of course, jumping on the bed.

They can be really wild ... but to me they are just three little butterflies."

:::

Our seventh prize...

(3) handmade hats.

donated by Heather Randlett, momma to Bridget (a T21 friend)

1. Newborn/Baby Beanie-Style Hat... This crocheted baby beanie is crafted with a soft cotton/bamboo blend yarn, adorned with a shabby chic crocheted flower. Perfect for cute newborn baby pictures.

2. Women's Beanie-Style Hat... This crocheted beanie-style hat is crafted with a super soft alpaca/acrylic blend yarn, with 3 beautiful colors - celery green, mocha, and cream.

3. Women's Ski-Style Hat... This knitted snug-fitting ski-style hat is crafted with a soft acrylic/wool blend yarn in a rich cranberry color.

**All are hand wash only, lay flat to dry.

:::

Our eighth prize...

$50 gift certificate to Uppercase Living

donated by Kristen, momma to Ethan (a T21 friend)

:::

Our ninth prize...

Hand crafted jewelry.

Woman's 7 inch bracelet, crafted with sterling silver and Swarovski crystal beads. Adorned with a Baltimore Ravens head charm (may be removed for non-Ravens fans) and sterling silver toggle clasp. Donated by Melissa.

Down syndrome awareness and other hand crafted jewelry... (5) bracelets, (5) earrings, (3) necklaces. Donated by Lorie.

*All jewelry in this post will be split up among several winners.

:::

Our tenth prize...

Signing Time full collection

autographed and donated by Rachel Coleman

valued over $1,000

Includes 34 DVDs, 6 Board Books, 8 Flash Card Sets, and 12 Music CDs!

The best-loved Signing Time products are now available in a big bundle of savings! Used by countless educators, pediatricians, home-schoolers, speech therapists, public schools, daycare centers, libraries and families across the globe, the Signing Time Full Collection gives you everything you need to bring the magic and fun of sign language to the children in your life.

This collection includes every Signing Time DVD, CD, Flash Card and Board Book currently available:

* 4 Baby Signing Time DVDs created especially for infants and toddlers under 3 years old. Features delightful animation and songs that teach all the basic signs you need.
* 26 Signing Time DVDs with special features, music, and songs. 30 - 45 minutes each. Includes all 13 Series One and all 13 Series Two DVDs.
* 1 Story Time DVD. Listen, watch, read, and sign along with Rachel to six fun stories.
* Sing & Sign DVD: Rachel sings and teaches signs for favorite songs from Signing Time Volumes 1-6.
* 10 Signing Time Music CDs featuring all the original songs from the Signing Time and Baby Signing Time series.
* 6 Signing Time Board Books for reading time, quick reference, or additional practice.
* 4 sets of Signing Time Flash Cards for families on the go! Also includes an instruction card with flash card game ideas.
* 4 sets of Baby Signing Time Flash Cards that reinforce all the ASL signs taught in Baby Signing Time DVD Volumes 1-4.
* 2 Practice Time DVDs that teach and practice the alphabet and numbers 1-20 through randomized practice quizzes to test your skills.
* Good Night Baby Lullaby CD - beautiful lullabies sung by Rachel Coleman (co-creator and star of Signing Time) with gentle piano accompaniment by her father, Golden Globe Nominee and Composer Lex de Azevedo.
* Shine CD - A collection of favorites from the Signing Time Series - just for grown-ups.

Over 600 specific signs are taught in the full collection of Signing Time videos, books, and flash cards. With songs and other bonus features, you'll be introduced to over 1000 signs overall. This is the largest available library of entertaining sign language products of its kind. You and your child can start learning today!

:::

Rules...

1) Every $10 donation using the ChipIn below or in my sidebar will earn you an entry into the drawing for one of the prizes.
2) All prizes (except the painting) can be shipped overseas, thanks to Crystal who would like to cover the shipping fees if the need arises. Thanks, Crystal!
3) Donations will be accepted through Monday, April 11th.
4) Winners will be announced Tuesday, April 12th.

Please blog it. Please facebook it. Please tweet it. Please share.

We have a lot of love to give and $15,000 is nothing when compared to the army standing behind the Davis family. Update: let's take it $6,000 higher for Archie!

*If things do not go as planned for the Davis family, any leftover funds will be properly allocated in support of international adoption of children with Down syndrome.

apraxia: one year later.

2011-03-28T17:02:00.001-04:00

a little over a year ago...

payton was diagnosed with childhood apraxia of speech.

i cried.

i pouted.

i screamed that it is not fair.

i had a bit of a poor me moment.

and i moved on.

because baby girl needed me to move on.

she needed me to put a plan into place.

a plan that would hopefully one day allow her to be understood.

by us.

by her peers.

by anyone that she comes into contact with.

and so i do as only i know how to do.

and i butted it in the head.

full force.

for the past year...

we have gone to private therapy four times a week.

yeah... momma is a wee bit burnt out.

mondays and wednesdays.

private therapy with a PROMPT trained therapist.

we drive 45 minutes each way to see her.

our God send.

tuesdays and thursday.

private therapy.

ST. OT. PT.

among speech therapy she gets at school.

some will argue that less is more.

sorry, but i do not agree.

i wholeheartedly believe...

that payton is where she is today...

because of the consistent, intense therapy we have done.

and we still have so far to go.

but baby...

we have come so far.

here is payton repeating an apraxia word list one year ago.

and here she is repeating that same word list now.

there are so many of these words she can now say more clearly.

she can put more of those consonant and vowel sounds together.

apraxia is a motor planning disorder.

there are several consonant and vowel combinations she still cannot do.

and there are some words where she still drops the final sound.

like the -se in please.

or the -t in eat.

or...

she tries so hard to get that final sound...

that she brings it to the beginning of the word.

i am so freakin proud of her.

and my heart seriously breaks as i watch her try to talk.

she wants so badly to be able to say what she wants to say.

but she literally cannot.

the wires do not meet and the only thing we can do it continue to try.

and we will not stop.

not until this baby girl of ours can say everything she wants to say.

because isn't that what she deserves?

and here she is a year ago repeating my unofficial word list.

and today...

the same unofficial list.

The drama that is Payton.

2011-03-25T21:27:00.001-04:00

This chick seriously cracks me up.

Drama, attention, drama, attention.

Five years ago...

as I sat in a hospital room crying my eyes out...

"We think your baby girl has Down syndrome."

I was not really sure if she would ever be smart enough to play me.

Ohh boy... was I ever mistaken.

This chick has it down...

perfected, actually.

Ohh... she cracks me up.

Sisters = Love.

2011-03-23T19:32:00.002-04:00

Since Payton was born, I have blessed to meet so many amazing people... many of whom are now my closest friends. When we were in process to adopt Nika... I met Charissa online. At the time, she and her husband were in process to adopt Ava... a little girl with Down syndrome from Ukraine.

I think the thing that struck me most about Charissa was that she did not have a biological child with Down syndrome. And at first... things were not how she imagined they would be when she first met Ava. I remember sitting in front of my computer and just crying over her words and her fear... just praying that she could see past the orphan. And did she ever... she embraced Ava and loved her and brought her home.

Last week... I finally got to meet Charissa, Ava and the rest of their family... which now includes two additional children that they adopted. They rock.

Some of the crew... it was hard to wrangle 10 kids at once.

I will never forget reading these words from Charissa's husband... John... with regard to their adoption of Ava...

When Charissa came to me and asked me, "Can we adopt a little girl with Down Syndrome?" I didn't say anything. I just thought.

Then she said, "... there is a little girl in Ukraine that needs a family." I didn't say anything except.. mmmm.

I began to go over and over in my mind how MY life would change. How would this affect ME. What if this happened what if that happened. How would this little girl integrate into our family?

So, here is a list of questions I asked, prayed over and meditated on for several days:
- This is a huge commitment
- Will she talk, eat, walk
- What will Word of Faith folks think of me having a child with a disability
- How will my life change with this little girl
- Will my kids accept her
- Will my kids rebel
- Will my kids be safe while I am half way across the world
- Can I afford this
- and many other thoughts

Then I had this thought.. What is this little girl thinking:
- When is my daddy going to come kiss my neck and throw me in the air?
- When is my daddy going to come help me get my eyes fixed?
- When is my daddy going to help me learn how to eat, walk, talk?
- When is my daddy going to take me out of this crib and put me on his shoulders?
- When is my daddy going to hold me close at night before he puts me to bed?
- When is my daddy going to tell me he loves me?
- When is my daddy coming to get me? Why's he taking so long? I'm ready!

God defends the orphan! He will defend me and my family..

What a blessing little Ava has been in my life! I just cannot imagine life without that little girl. Jesus will increase your ability to love every child you bring into your home. He'll work miracles in your heart and in the hearts of a whole lot of other folks too.

Don't be afraid to LOVE! Love heals.

::

Speaking of people I have met over the past several years... and when I say met... I often mean met online... as um, weird as that sounds. Ha. Anyway... I just got home from the Juice Plus+ conference in California... and while I was there... I was able to meet up with some amazing mommas.

Some of our awesome team... Kristen, Linda, Debby, yours truly, Mandy, Rachel... MIA Kristin

After conference... Linda and I got to crash Ella's birthday party and meet some more awesome mommas... Cheri, Heather, Stephanie, Cammie and so many more. I forgot my camera, so I got nothing to show. Boo.

Then... Linda and I drove to Los Angeles for a couple days. That was interesting... and so much fun. We toured the city in the torrential downpour like teenagers... sadly we did not see anyone famous, which of course was our main goal. Yes... teenagers, I know. Ha... but it was so fun.

Kodak Theater, Hollywood sign ~~behind the fog~~, Rodeo Drive

We were able to meet up with Darlena for lunch at Universal Studios City Walk in the torrential downpour... love her. Seriously... what up with the massive storms slamming SoCal the one time in my life I am there?

The shadows in this place were not nice to me.

And then... we got to have dinner at this little French bistro that Linda ~~seriously loved loved loved~~ with more Down syndrome momma friends... they are all such awesome girls and could quite possibly allow me to consider moving to California. Ha.

Kristin, Linda, yours truly, Cheri, Jen, Brenda

::

I really hate traveling without my babies... the older I get, the worse it gets. It seriously makes me anxious. I was so happy to see them when I got home.

Love me some lip puckers.

Nika is getting it down... sideways and all.

Hmm... what is that bubble doing hanging on there?

I could kiss those little lips all.day.long.

Sisters = Love.

Love that chick.

2011-03-13T22:58:00.000-04:00

Payton is by far the pickiest eater in our house... behavioral as it may be. Her speech therapist spends about 15 minutes of each session working with her on eating different textures... and trying to do so without gagging. She has a very sensitive gag reflex... and if she had it her way... her diet would consist of the following...

pizza
chicken nuggets
french fries
yogurt
chips

She will eat other things like spaghetti, chicken quesadillas, oranges and such... she just prefers not to. And thank goodness she does not make her own meal choices. I swear her eating could easily become a battle... but I try to be patient with her. I cannot imagine that she prefers to gag when eating a variety of foods. Chew, chew, chew is a common phrase at mealtime.

Sigh.

I get on these little kicks where I decide that I will not accommodate her behavioral meal choices anymore... and give her what the rest of the family is having. Because I know she can eat it... she just would rather have chips. And sometimes... when I don't feel like fighting the fight... I do make her a separate meal.

A few nights ago I ~~used my menu planner and~~ made chicken parmesan for dinner... with a side of corn. And I sat there with Payton until she ate every last bite of her chicken and at least a few bites of her corn. She gagged all the way through it and I chanted... chew, chew, chew. Her technique was less than desirable... chewing her chicken at the front of her mouth, likely secretly hoping it would just fall out. I nipped that in the bud... but now I am questioning myself.

Payton woke up in the middle of the night vomiting up her entire dinner. Like... several times. Did she have a bug? If she did, no wonder she didn't want to eat. Or was it her less than desirable chewing and swallowing technique of this food that she had no desire to eat? I am afraid maybe the food never made it completely down her esophagus.

Hopefully it was just a bug.

Even though she seemed to be feeling fine... I kept her home from school and took her in to be swabbed for strep. Negative. Days like that are some of my favorite times spent with my kids. Lazy day around the house... just the one child and I.

Taking care of them... being a momma. Snuggling in bed for afternoon nap.

Payton... close your eyes and pretend you are sleeping.

Haha... love that chick.

::

I received the identification bracelets I ordered for the girls in the mail the other day. There has been a lot of discussion about what information the bracelets should actually contain.

Bracelets ordered from here.

On a whim after the great Barbie jeep escape... I ordered them with name, address and the cell phone numbers of both Kyle and I. After thinking it through and getting feedback from a few police officer friends... I think I need to order another set of bracelets with just our phone numbers on them.

And while I would love to have the girls wear these bracelets every minute of every day... I am not sure it is really feasible. I am just not sure... I am struggling with this. And the bracelets obviously will only go so far to help if the girls did end up missing... depending on the situation and whether or not they are found by the right person. That said... I am glad to have them for times when we go on vacation or to an amusement park... and other places of the like.

Meanwhile... I spoke with a Deputy Sheriff friend of ours about the Project Lifesaver. Unfortunately... our county has a waiting list due to budget restraints. So... this is not an option for us right now. We could get our own bracelets... but I am still on the fence... and I am not sure why. I don't know... I just want my girls to lead their lives as normal as possible... but at what point does it become too late? I do think... however... that I will be getting this for those times that we need it.

Decisions, decisions.

::

We are knee deep in all things IEP, FAPE, IDEA, ESY, LRE, PLOP*... and so on. We have Payton's kindergarten eligibility meeting in two weeks... and I am anxious, to say the least.

I have consented to the psychological testing for Payton and I am not sure if that was the right thing to do. I am feeling at peace with the decision... right this moment... but in five minutes I could read something that will change my mind. The outcome of this testing will determine her label... she will lose her DD* label... and I am okay with that... as long as it does not affect the services she will receive.

I could go on and on... but I won't since the end result is all that matters and I will update on that once we are there. If you are a parent or teacher or anyone else that is involved in inclusion of a child with Down syndrome... please feel free to join a new group that I created on facebook. We are up to 326 members nationally... well, even internationally... and there is a ton of great information.

IEP = Individualized Education Program
FAPE = Free Appropriate Public Education
IDEA = Individuals with Disabilities Education Act
ESY = Extended School Year
LRE = Least Restrictive Environment
PLOP = Present Level of Performance
DD = Developmentally Delayed

::

Headed to California later this week for the national Juice Plus+ conference... so excited. The conferences are always so inspiring... and they remind me why Juice Plus+ is such an integral part of our health.

We are also having a DS mommas meet up at City Walk while I am there... email me if you want to join us!

What I envision...

2011-03-09T13:05:00.001-05:00

I love my life.

I am sitting here... in the midst of my family... cracking up hysterically while watching them play hide-and-seek. One, two, three, four... ready or not, here I come! I believe the rules of the game have officially been changed... that, and the quirks of young children (namely: Chicky) playing hide-and-seek... well, it is one of those moments that makes you want to pick up your kids and smooch them til the cows come home.

Chicky counting... A, B, C, D... and turning me to ask, "Momma, where Daddy? Maymay? Where do?" (pronounced dough)
Chicky seems to think that you are supposed to hide in the same place every.time.you.hide. Under the covers or behind a curtain... every.time... all the while thinking she is being just as tricky as the first time she hid there.
When Chicky is hiding... and she hears the ready or not holler... she giggles. Hysterically. And she greets the seeker from her hiding place... "Hi Daddy!" Doesn't make for hard finding... but most certainly makes for lots of heart swells.

::

One of my guilty little pleasures is oggling (is that a word?) over crafty, home design blogs. Some people are so freakin talented. I love crafty, do-it-yourself type projects... but I usually need to pull inspiration from somewhere.

I have a problem with meals. I mean... I have great intentions... I buy all the ingredients... but then let them go to waste in my pantry. Our days are busy and dinner time often becomes a grab-what-you-can meal... rather than that of a good home cooked meal. What I envision in my head is... "Please pass the potatoes. How was your day, dear? Don't forget to eat your vegetable. What happened at school today?"

Yeahhh ... haha.

But now... now is the time, dammit. I was scrolling through a blog that I follow... crafty girl... mom of a little boy with autism... we talk therapy... we talk IEPs... we talk inclusion... love that. And I came across a menu planner board... seriously the answer to my problems.

So I made me one.

Got me a cheap little framed cork board from Michaels... don't forget to use a coupon --> cheap. Picked up some scrapbook paper and found these little clothesline clips at Walmart --> freakin cute.

Bought me a can of brown spray paint... sprayed and rusticized (ok... that really is not a word) the frame, the clothesline clips and the thumb tacks. Found these recipe cards at Target years ago... they were meant for a bridal shower gift. Oops... guess that never happened.

Mounted my scrapbook paper on my cork board using acid free scrapbook glue. Went to my handy dandy computer... printed off some menu items and my days of the week... mounted them on acid free scrapbook paper... wa la.

There she blows... err something. I am thinking the wall is a bit bare... and perhaps I should have made it a wee bit bigger... but whatever... nothing some accent items can't take care of. I have a menu planner and we have had our sit-down-and-pass-the-potato-dinners almost every night so far.

Love that.

(tutorial here)

::

We are anxious for warmer weather to settle in for the long haul... all the while taking advantage of the random sunshine that we have had. Our grass needs to green, our bushes need to bloom.

So... I am wondering... is it just my kids or are holes in the knees some sort of you know... new thing? Haha. Mason has holes in the knees of every pair of jeans he owns... literally.every.pair. And Nika... she has them too.

What on earth do my children do to their jeans? Momma gonna go broke replacing these things. On second thought... shorts are right around the corner... holes will have to do. I mean... they would just ruin the new jeans too, no?

Sigh.

::

More to come on inclusion, IEPs, labels... I have to show you the girls' identification bracelets I got and bounce more ideas on those... oh, and my Valentine's gift ~~that I never posted about because I was in a funk over my failed FET cycle~~... it is coming... you know, in my spare time... oh, and a giveaway I need to get put up.

But for now... I need to go finish putting away my Christmas decorations... and my Valentine's decorations... and I need to do the dishes... and go through my kids clothes... and organize our storage area... and wash my dog... and decide on some new decor... and...

Inclusion and Access to the General Education Curriculum

2011-03-06T22:57:00.001-05:00

Being the parent of a child with special needs ... you never stop learning or advocating. I understand that you continue to learn and advocate for any child, but doing so for a child with special needs takes it to another level. It can definitely be exhausting, but you have got to be on top of your game.

I attended a seminar yesterday put on by Ricki Sabia, Associate Director of NDSS National Policy Center. It was very good ... and I am transferring the powerpoint slides here because I know there are lots of mommas (and poppas) out there interested in what she had to say. There is a lot of information ... make sure you take time to get through it all and focus on UDL.

Academic Benefits of Inclusion

(source)

Students earned higher grades and higher scores on standarized tests.
Greater progress in reading and math when compared to students educated in resource setttings.
Higher high school completion rates and college attendance.
And for students without disabilities: Achievement increased in at least one academic area. In other words, students without disabilities do benefit from having students with disabilities in their classroom.

Social Benefits of Inclusion for students with disabilities

Students with disabilities in general education classes had more friends.
Teacher ratings showed improved social skills.
Students do not demonstrate high levels of loneliness.

Social Benefits of Inclusion for students without disabilities

Improved self concept.
Reduced fear of human differences.
Increased tolerance.
Improved social emotional growth.
Improved personal conduct.
Positive outcomes for high school students who had interaction with students with disabilities.

Behavioral Benefits of Inclusion

Higher level of engagement in school activities.
Sharp decline in discipline referrals after shift to inclusive practices for students with and without disabilities.

Benefits of Inclusion for post school outcomes

Increased employment rate and job skill level.
More time in general education programs resulted in better postsecondary outcomes (click here for PSE opportunities for students with ID).

Each state's Department of Education should have an inclusion philosophy laid out for teachers. Ricki Sabia from NDSS recommends printing this off and presenting it in your IEP meeting ... if needed ... to show them (in times of resistance) their own philosophy that they should be adhering to.

Virginia DOE New Teacher PPT
Benefits of Effective Inclusive Practices for teachers
(source)

Increases opportunities to develop professional learning communities through growth in knowledge sharing and skill development.
Increases confidence in teaching students with diverse academic and social needs.
Creates opportunities for better understanding of students with disabilities.
Enhances knowledge about effective teaching and learning strategies.
Increases level of content knowledge.
Promotes understanding of the IEP process, content and implementation.
Provides support systems among teachers.
Provides opportunities to problem solve with another professional and receive additional support within the classroom.

What is not inclusion?

Mainstreaming only for non-academics. In other words, if a child is in a regular classroom for only encore, physical education, recess, lunch ... that is not inclusion.
An "inclusion class" without natural proportions of disabled students and peers.
A seat in the general ed classroom without supports.
Academic inclusion without social inclusion.
An island within the room for the student and paraeducator.

Elements of Inclusion: Where Students Learn

All students with disabilities are members of their neighborhood school.
All students are assigned to age appropriate grades in heterogeneous classrooms.
Student grouping are based on the individual interests and skills of all students, and not on disability labels.

Supports Students Receive

Related services (i.e. speech therapy) are delivered in regular classroom settings and other school environments, when appropriate.
Supports and services are provided in the classroom and coordinated with ongoing instruction.
The provision of supports for students (instructional, curricular, behavioral, etc) is viewed as a school wide need.

Instructional Planning and Implementation

Effective teaching strategies and differentiated instruction are used to meet the needs of every child.
The general education instruction and curriculum is used as the base for accommodations and modifications to meet IEP goals.
The instructional materials used for typical students are modified for assignments, homework and tests.

*Ricki Sabia from NDSS discussed setting broad academic goals in the IEP and then list under the "support" section that the child will get a list of modified curricular goals. The teacher must then set modified goals within the classroom for each academic area ... and these goals are what the child would work on, be tested on and be graded on.

Social Relationships

Planned and structured activities are in place to promote social inclusion and friendship development.
Students without disabilities are supported in welcoming students who have disabilities.

*Ricki Sabia from NDSS discussed the importance of putting a social network into place for your child. Enrolling them in extracurricular activities (i.e. dance, tball, cub scouts), encouraging them to manage sport teams if not at a skill level to play, etc. Facilitating this type of social interaction will be key in the acceptance of your child by his/her peers.

Ricki talked about her son and how hard they worked to put these social relationships into place ... and was mainstreamed and happy. She also talked about a friend's child who was also mainstreamed, yet this boy did not have the social connections in place. He begged his parents to not mainstream him and to let him stay in the special education classroom, because he was not accepted by his peers in the student body. Just really makes you think about just how important the social relationships are in your child's education.

Staff Actions

Collaboration between classroom teachers and special educator to implement IEP objectives in general ed lessons.
Modifications/accommodations discussed by both general and special ed teachers.
Supports planned to enable meaningful participation.
School administrator(s) provide a vision and leadership and welcome all students into their school.

Who is included?
*LRE (Least restrictive environment): Congress states a strong preference for regular class.

To the maximum extent appropriate, districts must ensure that children with disabilities are educated with children who are not disabled.
Removal from the regular educational environment occurs only if the nature of severity of the disability is such that education in regular classes* with the use of supplementary aids and services cannot be achieved satisfactorily. This is important.
The need for curricular modifications is not a reason to remove child from age appropriate regular classrooms. In other words, saying that a child cannot keep up with what his/her peers are learning in a regular classroom is not a reason to remove the child from the classroom. The curriculum must be modified and appropriate goals set ... within the classroom.

*Regular classes is not defined under federal law.

Hartmann 4th Circuit LRE Test (1997)
"Mainstreaming" is not required when ...

A student with a disability would not receive educational benefit.
Any marginal benefit from mainstreaming is significantly outweighed by benefits which feasibly can only be obtained in a separate setting.
The student is a disruptive force in the classroom. This is exactly why behavior is so important in having your child mainstreamed. Start early in trying to teach your child what it means to sit and complete a task, as directed. One of the biggest problems parents have is in a regular classroom is when their child will not go with the flow of the classroom (i.e. sit in their seat, sit in circle time, etc).

Where are they included?
The child's placement ...

is determined at least annually.
is based on the child's IEP.
is as close as possible to the child's home.

*Unless the IEP of a child with a disability requires some other arrangement, the child is educated in the school that he or she would attend if not disabled.

When are they included?
In addition to being included in the classroom ...

Districts must ensure that each child with a disability participates with children who are not disabled in non-academic and extracurricular services and activities to the maximum extent appropriate to the needs of that child.
Supplementary aides and services must be provided if needed to participate (i.e. peer support). I think this is important and is likely something we will need to advocate for.

How are they meaningfully included?

Social inclusion
Appropriate supplementary aides and services
Differentiated instruction
Modifications, accommodations and adaptations
Universal Design for Learning

Social Inclusion Tips

Start inclusion as early as possible in the grade the child will stay in.
Staff training and IEP goal for social inclusion.
Disability awareness for students.
Info for classmates parents.
A few transitional friends in class every year.
Full participation in class, school activities and community activities.

Differentiated Instruction

Tiered products/demonstrations (different levels of difficulty built-in).
Varied modes of expression/demonstration.
Group projects.
Graduated rubics (levels of expectations).
Multiple intelligences.
Independent study.
Contracts/negotiated criteria.

Accommodations

Changes how a student gets information and demonstrates learning.
Does not fundamentally change instructional level, content (standards) or performance criteria.

*Example: Less info on a page, calculator (if basic math is not being assessed).

Universal Design
Consider the needs of the broadest possible range of users from the beginning. ~Architect, Ron Mace
(materials here and here)

*Universal Design originated in architecture. An easy way to explain it is this ... when an architect designs a building, they design it to accommodate every person that may use it ... those on foot, those in a wheelchair, etc. The same premise should be used in the classroom.

Universal Design for Learning (UDL)

(click here for more)

Design curriculum, materials, teaching methods and assessments to be accessible for all students (disabled and non-disabled, included or not).
Provide multiple and flexible means for acquiring and expressing knowledge and engagement.
Requires less adaptations, modifications and accommodations - less being "different".

UDL for Curriculum and Instructional Objectives
Goal: To provide optimal challenge for all students.

Describe objectives in ways that students can understand them.
Set objectives that every student can reach with appropriate tools and alternative paths to success.
Set objectives that motivate students to learn (i.e. breakdown long term goals nto reachable objectives/benchmarks for all students).

UDL for Instructional Materials
Goal: To ensure equal access for all students.

Provide a range of formats and media at different levels of complexity.
Provide different materials for students to express what they know.
Provide materials that keep students engaged.
If possible, use customizable media and materials.

UDL for Teaching Methods
Goal: To provide effective instruction for all students.

Provide multiple examples.
Highlight critical features.
Provide multiple media and formats.
Explain background/context.
Provide positive behavioral supports.

UDL for Assessments
Goal: To accurately measure progress for all students.

Assessments should adjust to many individual differences.
Assessments should focus the questions on exactly what teachers, districts and states are trying to find out (i.e. knowledge, skill or emotional development).

UDL Through the IEP: Goals and Materials

Selection of curriculum goals and objectives per marking period.
Homework and projects aligned to selected objectives.
Alternate formats of textbooks, novels and supplemental materials to support instructional units.
Use of computer for written assignments and for accessing digital text and other software.
Preview of instructional materials.

UDL Through the IEP: Teaching Methods and Assessments

Class discussion questions in yes/no or multiple choice format.
Teacher training on technology used by the child.
Teacher made assessments based on curriculum objectives, which are designed to eliminate barriers caused by the disability.
Digital assessments.

UDL Task Force (federal level)

Spearheaded by NDSS in 2006.
Coalition of 41 national groups representing general education, special education and higher education interests.
Promotes UDL in Federal policy and legislation and disseminates information on UDL.

Maryland Bill Template
(click here)

Provides a narrative of steps taken by the Maryland Down syndrome Advocacy Coalition as its members worked on passing a UDL bill.
Gives examples of hurdles and process faced in any legislative advocacy.
Provides specific information and documents that can be used by other affiliates to move UDL forward in their state.

Key Steps in Template

Develop a one page summary about UDL and why it is important.
Get the word out through a website, listservs, brochure, webinars, etc.
Form a statewide stakeholder coalition representing special, general and higher education interests.
Enlist help of your state department of education.
Find a legislative champion - work on drafting bill.
Educate legislators and get co-sponsors.
Ask for local school board support.
Testing at hearings.
Compromise.

Resources

Wrightslaw
Maryland Coalition for Inclusive Education
General info on UDL (click here and here)
National UDL Task Force
UDL in Maryland
UDL mentioned on VA DOE website

Dreaming of spring.

2011-03-05T22:55:00.004-05:00

Mason (playing Pokemon): Mom! My name on Pokemon is Nate ... I have two friends named Nate.

Me: Yes, you do.

Mason: Yeah ... my friend Nate at school and then that other Nate ... how do I know him again?

Me: He is my friend Michelle's little boy. He has a little brother that has Down syndrome ... just like Chicky and Nika. His name is Matthew.

Mason (looks at me surprised): Well ... I didn't know he had a brother with Down syndrome! I mean ... I know Matthew is his brother but I didn't know he has Down syndrome.

Me: Yep, he does.

*sniff*

Mason knows that his sisters have Down syndrome. He knows that sometimes it takes them longer to do certain things, or longer to talk or that sometimes they might not understand things like he does. But we have never really spent a lot of time discussing it ... it is just the way it is and we don't focus on their differences. And then listening to him try to pronounce the word syndrome makes it clear to me just how little we talk about it.

So sometimes life stands still and I wonder what he really thinks. I wonder to what level he understands. And then we have conversations like the one above that make me all emotional ... because I know he gets it. He just knows and it really does not matter what it is called. I know that is why he has the compassion that he has for his sisters. I know that is why he steps up to the plate to help them and to teach them in ways not typical of a 7 year old.

I know this. And it is awesome.

*

In the seven years that we have had kids ... we have somehow avoided Build-a-Bear. Until now. The kids all got Build-a-Bear gift cards from their grandparents for their birthdays ... so we went. It was pretty much the chaos we have avoided the past seven years ... but ~~they~~ Mason had so much fun.

And $150 later ... we left with three stuffed animals decked out in gear. Err ... at least Mason and Nika's animals were dressed. Payton ... well ... she is a n*dist and um ... so is her monkey.

Stinky, Rusky and AJ

*

Warmer weather is upon us and that means we have been enjoying the outdoors.

There's that damn jeep. Seriously though ... Payton loves that thing and she drives it like a maniac.

Dreaming of spring ... wishing it would stick around already.

Until it is you.

2011-03-03T23:25:00.001-05:00

So I have had all these intentions of finishing a blog post that is half drafted about um ... not much. But then today rolled around ... and this momma was dealt a bit of a scare. And it isn't so much the scare that I want to focus on ... yet how to prevent this from happening again.

Because with these two chicks ... I know it is bound to happen.

Earlier this afternoon, I lost the girls. We were all outside playing ... they were riding around in their jeep and Mason was playing basketball. I ran inside to get my shoes and the next thing I know ... Mason came running in telling me something was seriously wrong.

The girls were missing. He had gone around the side of the house to get a ball and in that time ... they had driven off. He ran down the street where he thought they had gone ... nothing.

About 20 minutes later ... after sobbing, driving around our side streets like a maniac, sobbing some more, asking my neighbors for help, sobbing and getting the police involved ... they were found. They had made their way to a trail that runs back behind our houses ... ditched their jeep and were walking hand-in-hand.

With not a care in the world.

And this is my concern. I am really not a fan of characterizations, but seriously ... children with Down syndrome like to flee. We have to keep a close eye on the girls ... and Mason ... bless his heart ... is a great second set of eyes for us. And as much as it is not his job ... he really takes it upon himself and that is a huge help since ... you know, I don't have eyes in the back of my head.

The difference is that my girls will take off and just do their thang. They have no clue how far they are from home ... or that they are lost ... or that they have no clue how to find their way home. They have no sense of fear.

As I have been rehashing this in my mind today ... I have found myself comparing my girls to Mason. If Mason ever came close to getting lost when he was younger, he would shriek out in fear ... "Mom! Mom!" And the tears would flow.

My girls? Not so much.

So I am carrying a conversation from facebook over here to my blog ... because I think it is important. I have seen these little electronic monitoring bracelets that some kids with special needs are wearing ... I just have not been sold.

Until now. Until it happens to you in the two seconds you looked away. Because that is how it happens. And you never think it will be you ... until it is you.

After we were reunited with the girls ... one of the police officers asked Payton her name. I had to explain to him that she can't say her name. My five year old cannot say her name. She cannot tell you who her parents are. She does not know what her address is. Nor does she even know what city she is from. I think that was hard for him to understand, but he was very nice about it.

It just really made me think.

Sad that it takes something like this for me to prepare for the next time ... if there is a next time, God forbid. This isn't the first time Payton has been lost ... but I think having the police involved made it that much more grand.

Here are some things I am doing ...

1) Those little ID cards they send home from school? Or even the ones you can have made at your local Sheriff's office? Keep them. Put them in your wallet. Know exactly where they are.

*The officers were running around my house looking for pictures of the girls. Current pictures. I was in such a panic ... I couldn't even think. I didn't even know where to look ... in my own house. I had one of our Christmas cards laying on the counter (see ... I knew my mess of a house was good for something) and the officer snapped pictures of each of the girls into her cell phone, uploaded it to dispatch ... err something ... and told me that each of their photos would pop up on the screen of every squad car. Freakin technology is awesome. But even more awesome would be having a mom that is prepared for something like this.

2) ID bracelets. I just ordered each of the girls one of these ... I imagine I will put them around their ankles, but we will see how that works out. For $8.95 each ... I figure I cannot go wrong.

3) I am looking at this or this or this ... and wanting more suggestions as to what might be best.

That's all. My head hurts. My babies are safe and sleeping in their beds. Never a dull moment ... that is for sure.

Think about it.

2011-03-01T22:37:00.007-05:00

Don't pity them. Don't talk down to them. Be open to them. Be open to people. It changed my life, I think it would change yours.
~Johnny Knoxville, discussing use of the R word and reflecting on his work in The Ringer with Eddie Barbanell, an individual that has Down syndrome

Talk to them. Be their friend. Love them. Hug them. Do anything to raise the spirits of people with different abilities. It is like God taking something away from them in one area and making them extraordinary in other areas. Break down the walls. Break down the stereotypes. Break down every wall you can.
~Eddie Barbanell, an actor that has Down syndrome

I have been told before that I am too sensitive when it comes to the R word. Quite honestly, that is hurtful. Just as hurtful as the R word. Is that what you are going to tell my girls too ... when one day they inevitably will come crying to me because their feelings are hurt after hearing someone called them retarded? Are you going to tell them they are being insensitive too?

Do you realize just how often the R word is thrown around?

I know. I used to be one of those people. How ignorant was I?

The I-didn't-mean-it-that-way arguments are meaningless. It doesn't matter how you meant it. Using the word insinuates so many things about my girls ... about any person with an intellectual disability.

Think about it.

Is there anyone in your life that has changed your perspective of the use of the R word?

a celebration of life.

2011-02-21T21:19:00.002-05:00

our family recently celebrated life, in more ways than one.

my niece turned one.

seriously.

i look at her and my heart skips a beat.

my grandmother turned 80.

she and i.

we are one in the same.

and we celebrated both of them.

my sister is a rockstar baker.

look at these owl cupcakes.

freakin adorable.

we had a just dance 2 competition.

kyle got gram on the dance floor.

she loves him.

anyone who will pay her extra attention.

they got her love.

family snaps.

quite possibly the most.stressful.thing.ever.

the whole extended fam.

gram and her daughters.

gram, her grandchildren and their spouses.

gram and her great-grandchildren.

the kids call her gigi.

kyle and my brother-in-law got gram soup for her birthday.

haha.

sort of an inside joke.

but gram is always complaining that all she gets to eat is soup.

she says she is sick of it.

did i mention my sister is a rockstar baker?

check out big owl.

olivia wasn't so sure of her cake at first.

picky princess, she is.

she had more fun feeding it to uncle kyle.

haha.

my ~~baby~~ cousin is going into the Air Force.

i am so proud of him.

he spent a lot of time with us over the past year.

my kids absolutely adore him.

he leaves for basic training in may.

apparently the thing to do when a soldier leaves is to toast him.

with a shot of liquor.

who knew.

and if you are my mother ... you buy whiskey.

nonetheless.

toast him we did.

the only thing missing from this day was my grandfather.

although i know he was there in spirit.

he would not have missed it for nothing.

and to top the day off.

nigel grabbed a knee and proposed to his girlfriend.

*sniff*

it was so sweet.

i cried.

they make each other so happy.

and that makes me happy.

It is hard.

2011-02-19T08:59:00.001-05:00

I'm an emotional mess. I feel like it is not so much the chemical pregnancy ... but my hormones. Geesh. I really do feel like I am at peace with the fact that I am not pregnant. I think ... unless my mind is playing tricks on me. I am trying to have hope for the future ... hoping that God will move mountains and we will be able to try again. I can't not think like that.

I will be honest and just say I'm not in a great place right now. I know this. In hindsight ... I know the toll that this failed FET has taken on me has something to do with it. I find myself needing to focus. I feel like a robot. I am not happy with where I have allowed myself to get. And I'd like these damn hormones to leave my body.

I really have no idea why I am spewing this on my blog. I have never really been a private person, so why start now. This is all part of the journey. I am so incredibly blessed to have such amazing friends and family ... near and far ... those I have met and those I have only talked to. Their support of me over the years means more to me than words could ever describe. Whether we were struggling with Payton's diagnosis, going through an international adoption, struggling with infertility ... or any other significant thing.

But it is hard. It is hard because most people do not truly understand what you are going through when such significant events come knocking on your door. The words and the support are so very necessary ... yet, I find it hard to verbalize my true emotions to these very people because they really do not get it. I suppose they can try to empathize ... but that does not even come close to walking in the shoes. I find myself pulling away, to an extent, from these very people in order to protect my heart. I don't want to hear comments that upset me ... and while I know every single person means well, it is hard. I tend to keep in my comfort zone. When I struggle with Down syndrome and all that comes with it, I call my Down syndrome mommas ... because they get it. When I struggle with bonding and attachment, I call my adoption mommas ... because they get it. When I struggle with the emotions of infertility, I call my infertility mommas ... because they get it.

I struggle with this because I really do not want to push anyone away ... not at all. I need the support. Some calls and emails have not been returned. This is why. Perhaps it is wrong, but this is why. Each call, every email ... they are cherished in so many more ways than I can put into words. Please know this. But I need to protect my heart ... I understand it is guarded, but it is how it is for now. Much love.

so many reasons.

2011-02-14T16:12:00.004-05:00

there are so many reasons why i wanted this to work.

this baby would have been payton's fraternal twin ... born six years later.

my beta was scheduled for today.
valentine's day.
today also happens to be my grandmother's 80th birthday.

i would have been due on october 21, 2011.

that is nika's birthday.

i was due with payton on mason's birthday.

i just really, honestly thought it was meant to be.

our baby tried.

it snuggled in.

seven days past transfer i got a positive result.

i was pregnant.

i was freakin ecstatic.

i had spent that entire morning sobbing thinking it hadn't worked.

and then i tested again, just this one time.

it was positive.

it was just payton and i at home.

i jumped up and down.

i sobbed tears of joy.

i told payton we were having a baby.

she jumped up and down.

and looked around for said baby.

she didn't understand ... but i'll never forget that moment.

we called daddy together.
he just laughed at me because i was freaking out and i could not stop crying.
he was so excited.

but then i continued to get only faint test results using other brands.

that scared me.

nine days past transfer i retested with another digital test.
the same brand from which i had received my positive.

BFN.

big fat negative.

i.was.crushed.

gutted.

i sobbed.

and sobbed some more.

two days later.
i got another positive.
i was so confused.

it is isolating.

infertility is so freakin isolating.

today my nurse confirmed a negative test result.

i have lost this baby.

a chemical pregnancy.

guess that is what they call it.

i am gutted.

i really thought it was meant to be.

Meanderings.

2011-02-09T18:08:00.005-05:00

When the Packers are in the superbowl ... we stay home. Granted this has not happened much over the years. But this year ... we exchanged party invitations for our couch. My sister, her husband and my mom came over ... Kyle said that was borderline too many people. I think he was just as nervous for the game as the players likely were.

Thank goodness the Packers won.

Because I'm not sure my husband's heart could have taken a loss.

And I'm pretty sure he cried when they won. Ain't that sweet?

Among many other ~~healthy~~ treats ... we indulged in some ~~of my famous~~ taco dip during the superbowl. My recipe is really basic ... but for some reason it is a hit everywhere I take it. My friends are often asking me for the recipe ... clearly none of them ever write it down. Leading into the superbowl, Linda asked me to make the recipe a tab on my blog ... freakin hilarious.

1. Get yourself some cream cheese, sour cream and Taco Bell taco seasoning. Yes ... it has to be this brand ... the others have funky stuff in them. Ha.

2. Mix one heaping spoonful of sour cream, one of cream cheese, half a packet of taco seasoning and a splash of milk. Whip it up and spread it on your platter. If you need more ... then just mix more. Genius, right?

3. Finely brown a pound of hamburger. Layer it on ... followed by a layer of lettuce and cheese. Add tomatoes if you must. ~~Just know that is not part of my recipe. Because I cannot stand tomatoes.~~

4. Get yourself some tortilla chips and indulge. Easy peasy.

*

Yesterday started out as kind of a bum day for me. I think the hardest part of infertility treatment is the two week wait. I mean ... it is likely difficult for anyone that is trying to conceive, but there is something so final about big red coming when you are doing infertility treatments. You don't just get to try again next month.

Ahh ... it got the best of me yesterday morning.

I really was not feeling confident in success. But one little miss by the name of Chicky did her part to cheer me up. She had an ENT appointment in the afternoon ... so she missed school. After her morning preschool ... I picked her up, we went to lunch, stopped by a craft store and hit up the doctor.

The doctor part didn't go so well. Payton needed to have some recurrent wax drainage cleaned out of her ear. The nurses and I were not strong enough to hold her down ... so they papoosed her. I freakin hate that.

And she screamed. And screamed. And fought ... as much as she could. And petechiae erupted all over her face. Instantly. Poor babe.

*

We lost Payton's speech therapist today ... this is the therapist she has been seeing over the past year or so. She is a PROMPT trained therapist and she has done amazing things with Payton since we found out she she has apraxia ... she has come so far, but still has so far to go.

While we can easily find another therapist that is PROMPT trained ... it is really hard to find a therapist that has a great rapport with your child. We had that ... and now we lost it. It sucks ... but we wish her the best in her future endeavors.

And yes, I cried.

*

Happy day peeps ... 5 days til my beta. Keeping my fingers crossed.

PS ... it pays to help adoptive families ... I won a Canon Rebel T1i ... don't hate.

The rewards are grand.

2011-02-05T00:01:00.018-05:00

Adoption. It's been on my mind lately.

{Addison came home from Russia in November 2008 ... read more about it here}

I'm sort of going out on a limb when I say this, but I have never been a fan of preaching adoption. There are some in this wonderful world of ours who believe that is it everyone's duty to adopt. I get that ... I get that the bible says that is what we should do.

{Sofia came home from Ukraine in June 2010 ... read more about it here}

Religion that our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this; to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. ~James 1:27

{Alina came home from Ukraine in April 2010 ... read more about it here}

And I'm really going out on a limb when I say this, but I also do not believe that everyone has what it takes to adopt. Yet, I do believe that everyone has what it takes to help protect an orphan.

{Evangeline came home from Ukraine in August 2009 ... read more about it here}

He blesses those who provide for the orphan. ~Deuteronomy 14:29

{Jacob came home from Ukraine in June 2009 ... read more about it here}

Adopting a child is a very exciting thing ... saving innocence from danger. Adopting a child is also a very rewarding thing ... but it is really hard too. Really hard. Once the excitement of the adoption wears off, you have a child on your hands. A child that you do not know ... and a child that does not know you.

{John David came home from Ukraine in November 2010 ... read more about it here}

My friend Leah said it well, as she waited to bring her son home ...

We don't expect that Axel is going to get off that plane, walk into our home and be a smiley, giggly boy who can hardly wait to get on with life.

When parenting [step children], you do not love them right away, and they do not love you. Sometimes it takes years before you feel honest "love" toward them. You care about them! And you nurture them! But that is very different than a mother/child love bond, or a father/child love bond. It just really depends upon the chemistry between you and the child. Sometimes it is there, and sometimes it is not. I think that people are surprised when they bring a child into their home and that bond is not automatic, or in their eyes takes way too long to develop. Sometimes you love the child long before the child loves you in return. Sometimes it is the other way around.

Part of the reason this bond is different is because an older child comes with other people's habits. You didn't get to develop these habits, and they can be very annoying to you as a parent. It can be very difficult to not blame the child for these habits that they had established since they were small and suddenly you want them to change and do things your way.

{Reese came home from Ukraine in March 2009 ... read more about it here}

Very wise words ... if I do say so myself. Eventually the hurdles fade into the past ... and a time comes that life isn't so much about bonding and attachment ... but simply living life. The rewards are grand and they only get so much sweeter.

These babies? They are waiting to come home. They are waiting to make life grand for their new family ... how can you help?

:: Dickinson family, adopting Masha ... iPad raffle ends 2.25.11

:: Smith family, adopting Yana ... donate here ... Giveaway ends 2.28.11

:: Cox family, adopting Kareen ... donate here ... ~~iPad raffle ends 2.5.11~~

:: Patti, raising money for three orphans ... ~~Pure Love giveaway ends 2.11.11~~

:: Senti family, adopting Ember ... donate here ... ~~Gucci watch raffle ends 2.12.11~~

:: Valentine's Day fundraiser for Veronika ends 2.19.11

:: Filmore family, adopting Anya ... donate here {court date: 2.22.11}

:: Davis family, adopting Kirill ... donate here {court date: 3.17.11}

:: Higbie family, adopting Lera and ... donate here

:: Sader family, adopting Melanie ... donate here

:: Dirkes family, adopting Charlotte ... donate here

:: Maddex family, adopting Danil ... donate here

Adoptive families ... I know there are so many of you out there. If you would like to be included in this post, please email me at bethanybalsis@mac.com with your info.

PS ... isn't it funny that never once in this post did I mention Down syndrome? That was not intentional ... it just isn't relevant. Well, it is relevant in that the future of babes with Down syndrome in other countries is horrid. That is why we need to get them home.

PPS ... and yeah, all of the beautiful babes in this post have Down syndrome. Oh, you already knew that? Ha.

Update: Adding in other great adoption fundraisers ... outside of the Down syndrome community ...

:: Johnson family, adopting Kasidi ... ~~Canon Rebel T1i raffle ends 2.7.11~~

:: Lori and family ... adopting Elijah and Isaiah ... gift card raffle ends 2.20.11

:: Hurley family ... adopting AJ and Jenna Elizabeth ... iPad raffle ends 3.5.11

Dr. Suess

2011-02-04T11:16:00.001-05:00

On New Year's Eve ... we took the kids to see Ice! at the Gaylord Hotel, featuring How the Grinch Stole Christmas by Dr. Suess. ~~Yeah ... I am a little behind on blogging ... perhaps Christmas photos are next.~~

Ice! is a custom ice exhibit that is made by artisans flown in from all over the world. It is freakin amazing ... and takes a whole lot of talent, that I would love to have.

The exhibit is kept at 9 degrees ... um yeah, it is cold. They give you these huge blue eskimo coats to wear over your own coat ... Nika waddled like a penguin and could barely walk.

The ice slides ... all three kids went down ... brr!

Outside the exhibit they have these carolers ... err, performers ... to set the holiday mood. Love that.

And this enormous Christmas tree made out of Peeps ... how cool is that?

We meandered over into the Gaylord ... that is one awesome hotel. This glass Christmas tree hung from the ceiling.

And right under the tree was a train for the kids ... big and little ... to ride. I snapped pictures ... "Guys, look at me!"

Oop ... not good enough for this ~~perfectionist~~ momma. Try again. By this time, I had snapped maybe 20 shots and still didn't get them all looking.

Do you think Mason was frustrated with me? Ha ... just look and smile, kid.

"Thank you all for at least looking in my direction!"

We really had a great day. I love taking time to do things like this with just our little family.

My butt is numb.

2011-02-02T14:18:00.003-05:00

Sitting here in my bed. Yesterday was pampered by my husband and today ... my mom and grandmother. I don't know how people do this for extended periods of time. I mean ... my butt is numb. And although I had all these grand aspirations of getting a ton of things done on my laptop ... I'm not sure any of that has happened.

My grandmother saw the picture of our little ice baby yesterday and proclaimed, "I am 80 years old and I learn something new every day!" Well ... she will be 80 years, on Valentine's Day. And of course she was horrified that people know we are trying to have a baby ... "Isn't anything private these days?!"

Ha ... love her.

*

I snuck up on my girls a few days ago.

Oops ... caught red handed.

"That is quite the assortment you got there, Payton."

"Yeah."

She agreed.

Beautiful my babies. Beautiful.

*

Mason came home from school yesterday and told me he broke up with his girlfriend. When I asked him why, he told me that he didn't know ... he just felt like it. Oh ... and the best part is he told her sister to tell her. Clearly I have a lot of teaching to do here.

Wait ... why does my 7 year old have a girlfriend?

*

A couple days ago, I posted this on facebook and twitter ... Last night at 11:51pm, I came upstairs to find Payton still awake and laying in bed playing on her brother's iPod Touch. Little stinker! So I took it away and told her to go to sleep. Two minutes later, I hear the tv ... I go in and the little stinker had turned a movie on!! Inside I was cracking up, but I sternly told her to.go.to.sleep! All I could think of was ain't no Down syndrome gonna stop this chick ... SHE IS SMART AS A WHIP!!

::love her::

She has been pulling this kind of stuff a lot lately. The best of them have to do with her iPod Touch and hiding it behind her back real quick when I come into her room at night to check on her. The little stinker knows she shouldn't be goofing around on it ... devious little thang. And as much as I know I have to discipline her to her face ... I just can't help but smile. Never in my life did I think my child with Down syndrome would have the smarts and the wit to pull stuff like this ... I'll take more please!

*

Payton just brought me this picture.

I asked her if she colored it for me and she said, "No ... birfday!" Guess it is her birthday today ... news to me, but whatever makes you happy, baby.

*

Oh ... and the winners of the BusyBodyBook are ...

The Lehnick Family said... Ok...so if I don't win one of these...where do you get it???? I can't get enough of your sweet family...You are perfect in every way... (#10)

RK said... Isn't it funny how commenters come out of the woodwork for free stuff!?! But who can blame us? That looks like a pretty nifty little item, I admit. I told someone recently that since leaving the professional world, I didn't really use my PDA or smartphone for my life-brain like I used to. And I haven't found a replacement... dangerous. (#36)

Anonymous said... Bethany, I'm always on the look out for a great calendar that can handle a family of five-this looks like it might be it! I love a good calendar! Hope you're enjoying your snow days! Mindy Ripp (#27)

stephanie said... Love the new name, and your giveaway. Right now I use a calendar that is missing most of the time. if I don't write everything down I'm seriously in trouble. and I never carry the calendar with me so I am dependent on my steel trap of a mind to remember things until I get home. I always thought I was an organized person , but the truth be known I'm a mess! (#16)

Ladies ... shoot me an email at bethanybalsis@mac.com with your address and I will get these out to you. Hopefully tomorrow ... after bed rest is over.

And if you wanted to order your own BusyBodyBook ... click here ... it looks like the 2011 calendar year is 15% off.

By the way ... that giveaway was fun ... maybe we should do it more often!

Stick stick stick!

2011-02-01T14:41:00.002-05:00

Sometimes ... when you are on 24-hour bed rest ... feeling anxious ... you might think that reading some inspirational quotes might help your mood. And sometimes ... instead of landing on a quote that spews wine and roses ... you find just what you need to make you laugh.

Millions of couples suffer from infertility, so why the *bleepity bleep* is everyone pregnant but me?

Ah, much better.

No really ... other people being pregnant does not bother me. At one time, it did. But right now ... I am super excited for all the people in my life that are pregnant ... my sister, my sister-in-law, two of my cousins, one of my best friends, a good neighbor friend, a long time friend.

Seriously, can I get some of that water ya'll are drinking?

Oh right ... on to today.

This morning my stomach was in knots. I took a whole lot of deep breaths to try to release some of my anxiety, but I am not sure how much it worked. I was so nervous that neither blast would survive the thaw. That would put us back at square one with no feet to walk on.

On our way to the doctor, my nurse called me with some information I had requested ...

Your blasts were frozen on day 6 and both were Grade 1 ... which is the best you can get. I really don't think you will have any problems with them surviving the thaw ... these are great blasts.

*tears*

I told Kyle that the two blasts we had transferred back in 2005 were rated equal or above to these two frozen blasts and one of them was rated below the blasts that were frozen. The problem was that the two that ended up being frozen were developing a little more slowly and they were not ready for my day 5 transfer.

Did I lose ya yet?

Anyway, Kyle said, "Well at least we know they are fighters! They are Payton's fraternal triplets and we know she is a bull headed little thing ... so these guys must be too."

Love him.

Unfortunately ... when we got to the doctor, we were told that only one of our blasts survived the thaw. I tried to hold it together, all the while knowing how our odds had just been slashed in half.

The surviving blast was rated at 80% ... and 80% and above is what they hope for. The second blast was only rated at 40-50% ... they discouraged us from transferring that blast, in light of the poor quality.

We agreed.

So we have one little blast ... stick stick stick!!

And seriously ... thank you so, so much to everyone for all of your thoughts and prayers. I have been moved to tears more than once ... and I swear I do not regret my decision to open up about this.

Infertility sucks!!

Please pray.

2011-01-30T22:50:00.000-05:00

type type type. backspace backspace backspace.

I am here to ask for your prayers.

I have not been sure whether or not to put myself out there like this. But I have decided that I will. Because this is something that is weighing heavily on me. Because this is part of who we are. Because this is part of who so many people are.

Kyle and I have decided that we would like to have a baby. One problem ... we cannot just knock boots to make that happen.

The amount of stress ... anxiety ... emotion that infertility causes is dreadful. Unless you have experienced infertility, I'm not sure you ever really can understand what it is like to want a baby so badly ... but not be able to do a damn thing about it.

Mason and Payton were both conceived through in vetro fertilization. This was after several years of trying the old fashioned way, taking Clomid and then going through four failed intrauterine inseminations. We were sure that each step we took was going to be it ... we were going to get pregnant.

Nada. Nil. Nothing.

To experience the big.fat.negative. month after month for years ... I can't even explain how it wears on a person's soul.

Until we moved on to in vetro fertilization. We were blessed with great insurance at the time, allowing us to financially afford to be able to do it. Not anymore ... no more coverage for fertility treatments. That sucks.

So for now ... we have one chance. One really small chance.

When we went through treatment for Payton, we had a total of four blastocysts that made it to day five. Two were transferred ... one took. And that is my most perfect baby girl ever.

So we had two left over ... Payton's fraternal triplets, in essence. We froze them. They have been frozen for almost six years now. And the catch is that they were froze under ancient methods ... apparently. That sucks. We are told that our ultimate odds of having a baby from these two frozen blasts is 30%.

30% ... that is not ideal.

We have been doing injections ... or maybe I should clarify that *I* have been receiving injections. Ha. And Tuesday is the big day.

Tuesday we will find out whether or not our blastocysts can survive thawing. Step one. And I have to be honest and say that I am not prepared to have the thawing fail. I need to at least get the chance to have this work.

Step two. Both blasts will be transferred and in a couple weeks ... we will know whether or not it worked.

Gosh, please pray. This has to work. We cannot afford to begin a fresh cycle right now ... and we are so ready for this. We have waited until Addison was well adjusted into our family and until we knew that our bond with her was strong. The time has come.

Please pray.

monster jam.

2011-01-30T18:57:00.001-05:00

monster jam.

instead of having a big birthday party ...

mason opted to take a few of his buddies to monster jam.

so we went.

and it was awesome.

14 people. 6 adults. 8 kids.

pre-show pit party passes.

excited boys {and girls}.

and chaos.

the show was in downtown DC.

did i mention it was chaotic?

each adult was assigned a child. or two.

but i am pretty sure all 6 of us felt like we each had 8 kids to watch.

it was good. great teamwork.

lunch arrangements for 14 people was hard.

restaurants were packed.

i want a cheeseburger!

i want a quesadilla!

i want a chocolate shake!

i want a brownie!

oy.

before the show ...

all service men and women were called to stand.

fire and police men and women too.

we had a cop with us.

it was very touching.

we stood for the star spangled banner.

our little cub scouts knew exactly what to do.

the show was loud.

i'm not sure what i expected, but it was deafening.

thank goodness for ear plugs.

the illuminator was our favorite monster truck.

actually, the lobster was pretty cool.

crushstation.

he got a flat tire.

he's wild like that.

who had the idea to change grave digger?

not nearly as cool.

that dude sure can fly though.

did i mention it was loud?

sometimes exhaustion overrides loud.

my nephew.

i could smooch those eyelashes all day.

mason and alex.

buds since diapers.

$10 snow cones.

worth every penny.

no?

a great day had by all.

10 inches.

2011-01-28T00:47:00.001-05:00

Being a midwest gal at heart, it is ridiculous to see what 10 inches of snow does to the metropolitan DC area. The entire city stands still. Quite literally.

Snow plows prepare themselves days in advance, yet once they get out there ... they don't know what to do. There has to be a rhyme to their reason ... and they are missing the rhyme. A friend that works for the department of transportation told us once that they throw these guys in the plows with no experience ... hence the huge piles of snow that get left in the most random places. Oops ... you missed that foot deep pile of snow right there, but hey ... at least you got to the right and left of it.

*shakes head*

Schools shut down. Traffic becomes a grid lock. Hearing the stories on the news today was crazy ...

It took me 12 hours to go 30 miles.

Everyone was running out of gas because they couldn't go anywhere in all the traffic.

The lady in front of me decided to just stop her car in the middle of the road to clear it from snow.

One guy built a snowman on top of his car as we sat on the interstate at a halt.

People were just abandoning their cars on the side of the highway ... and even in the middle of the road.

I had to be across town early this morning ... there definitely was a lot of entertainment on the road. I couldn't believe all the cars just deserted on the highway ... some really were just sitting in the middle of lanes of traffic, now piled with snow.

Maybe it is just me, but I can't see just leaving my car like that? I guess the traffic and weather condition was so bad that people literally could not move their cars off the side of the road. Like ... where did they go once they deserted their car ... hitch a ride with the guy behind them? So crazy.

Nonetheless ... Kyle stayed home from work today and we relaxed at home for most of the day. A long afternoon nap, enjoying the snow, a little Guitar Hero (I rock!) ... and bedtime movies and cuddles. Poor Mason is running a fever ... not quite sure what is going on, but he isn't feeling that great tonight.

Thankfully, school is already canceled for tomorrow. Maybe my kids will sleep late. Yeah, probably no chance.

A five minute vent.

2011-01-27T17:00:00.003-05:00

2nd Update: We picked up this other antibiotic and it was Amoxicillin. I am seriously doubting this doctor's office right now. I thought she needed to be on Augmentin?!

Updated: Nika is currently on Bactrim. They are telling me she needs Augmentin. When I google how to treat a UTI, Augmetin is not even on the list ... yet Bactrim is a first line treatment. What in the heck?! Are they seriously confused?

I'm seriously frustrated.

On December 30, I had Kyle take Nika into the doctor because I was concerned that she had a urinary tract infection. She had never had a UTI before, but given her foul smelling urine ... I knew something was going on.

The interesting part of this is I always historically have bathed my kids in plain water. Well ... at Payton's birthday party, all of the kids got bubble bath as party favors ... including her sister. So over the past week or two, the girls have enjoyed bubbles in their bath ... as evidenced by some of the pictures here.

*smacks forehead*

I mean ... I had always heard the correlation between bubble bath and urinary tract infections, but it never had affected me personally.

Coincidence?

So back to the doctor appointment ... that I should have went to in the first place. I had sent a urine sample with Kyle, since I knew that getting a sample from Nika would be hard to do on the spot. He came home telling me the doctor threw the sample away and diagnosed her with a yeast infection.

Say what? I am no doctor, but it didn't take much to know she didn't have a yeast infection. But I went with it and treated her with anti-fungal cream as told.

And shocker ... her urine did not get better of the course of the next several weeks.

So earlier this week, I took her back to the doctor demanding a urine test ... saying that I was sure she had a UTI in light of the smell of her urine. Nika did not present with any other symptoms, other than that perhaps she was peeing a bit more than usual.

The doctor apologizes to me, says she clearly misunderstood what Kyle had told her ... that he didn't describe symptoms of a UTI. I asked her why she thought I would have sent in a urine sample if I hadn't thought she had a UTI ... and she didn't have an explanation. (Kyle says this is crap ... by the way ... that he clearly told her what I told him to tell her ... he is not accepting her blame.)

Anyway ... we do a urine test. It was positive for nitrates.

Then the doctor really felt stupid, but whatever. We discussed whether or not to start antibiotics to treat the urinary tract infection ... or should we wait for the culture to come back. I said I wanted to start treatment, as I was sure this was the problem given the smell of her urine.

She agreed.

So ten minutes ago, I got a call from our pediatrician. "Hi Mrs. Balsis ... this is so-and-so from the doctor's office ... Addison's urine culture came back showing infection. We are going to call in an antibiotic ... which pharmacy do you use?"

So I say, "We already started the antibiotic."

The nurse says, "Yes ... but that antibiotic does not cover urinary tract infections. She needs to be switched to Augmentin."

In my most pleasant smoke-coming-out-my-ears voice, I asked why the doctor would have started Nika on an antibiotic that did not cover a UTI, when we both clearly knew we were talking about the fact that her urine rapid-tested positive for such ... and Nika was not otherwise symptomatic.

Honestly ... if we cannot rely on our doctor's to properly provide care ... then what? When does my medical degree arrive, because right now I'm feeling like I knew better than she did. This seriously makes my blood boil.

Vent over.

our perfectly imperfect life ... and a giveaway.

2011-01-27T00:42:00.001-05:00

Why our perfectly imperfect life?

If you have spent any time in the past floating around our little corner of cyberspace, you will know we started out as Life with Bubba and Chicky ... and then when we adopted Addison, we oh-so-creatively extended that to Life with Bubba, Chicky and Nika.

Let me back up ... prior to having Payton, I had never even heard of a blog. After connecting with other parents of children with Down syndrome, I heard all this chatter about blogging. Me and my clearly-sheltered-self asked, "What in the heck is a blog and how do I get one?"

And it was born ... Life with Bubba and Chicky. But over the years, my creative side has felt something missing. I sat around one day thinking about what really defines our family ... who we are, what our purpose is in this life, how others view us ... our perfectly imperfect life.

perfect: complete and correct in every way, of the best possible type or without fault

imperfect: damaged, containing problems or not having something

We see our family as being perfect, although the dynamics of our family cause others to view us as being imperfect. I'm not going to get into the who or what or why ... I am just going to accept that we are perfectly imperfect ... that is cool with me.

Thus our perfectly imperfect life.

We have infertility. We have Down syndrome. We have international adoption. Most people have not experienced any of these things in their life, but each of these things are a huge part of what defines our family. And even if you can't relate ... hopefully you will learn a little by coming along with us.

*

A giveaway ...

One way that I keep track of my ~~insane~~ schedule is my BusyBodyBook ... love, love, love it. If you are a close friend of mine, you likely have received one as a gift from me ... because everyone must have a BusyBodyBook.

Right gals?

I gift them to teachers and therapists at the end of each year ... and I have four left over for the 2011 calendar year.

Since we are a month into the year ... and as ~~clutterish~~ fantastic as they have looked sitting on my counter ... I figured I needed to ~~stop procrastinating~~ get rid of them.

So there ya have it ... wave your arms in the comments if you would like one ... four names will be drawn February 1st ... night night!

He had a bad dream. A nightmare.

2011-01-23T01:09:00.001-05:00

Are there certain things from your childhood that you remember so vividly ... that you wonder why you remember them so well ... when there are other things that you cannot remember for the life of you?

When I was around 10 years old or so ... I remember waking up crying after having a bad dream that my parents were getting a divorce. My mom rushed into my room to comfort me and from what I can remember, to ensure me that she and my dad would never get divorced.

Well ... fast forward three years or so ... and they got divorced.

Why do I remember that dream so vividly? It is so bizarre.

*In no way, shape or form am I bringing this up to make my mother feel guilty. I totally get why it happened how it did ... and here is why ...

A couple days ago, I woke up in the morning to find Payton sleeping next to me ... knees in my back. A few minutes later, Mason crawled in my bed too ... although he didn't know I was awake.

He was sniffling. I figured he was just a little congested and thought to myself that I should get up and get him a kleenex. Next thing I knew, he was whispering, "Payton. Payton. Payton!"

I rolled over and told him to stop trying to wake his sister. And he started bawling ...

"But Mommy, I don't ever want to be an adult. I want to be a kid forever."

Completely confused ... and slightly worried as to where this was coming from ... I asked him what in the world he was talking about.

"I don't want to grow up. I don't want to be an adult. I want to be a kid forever." Through tears, he repeated this over and over and over again.

I told him to come to me and I held him. My heart was breaking for him, because I assumed he had just had a bad dream ... and it turns out those sniffles were a result of him crying.

I asked him, "What are you talking about, Mason? Did you have a bad dream?"

He nodded his head and said, "Yes."

I asked him what happened in his dream ... and he said, "You and Daddy died. Someone came into our house and killed you."

Sigh.

"Baby ... Mommy is right here and Daddy is at work. We are fine. Nothing is going to happen to us ... everything is okay."

And all during this conversation, memories of my conversation from my childhood flashed in my mind. Was I lying to Mason? What if something ever does happen to Kyle or I ... and Mason will always remember that I told him that nothing is going to happen to us.

But how ... in that moment ... could I have said, "Well son ... some day Mommy and Daddy will die ... blah blah blah." That would have sent him into further hysterics!

Ei yi yi ... parenting is a hard thing.

I realized later in the day that we had spent the night prior talking about Martin Luther King, Jr., who he was and how he died. Mason told us, "He was shot because people didn't like him."

I can only assume that Mason went to bed that night thinking about how people are shot in this world ... for many reasons. And how horrible I feel that he had that dream ... it really took a toll on him.

Yesterday, he told me, "Mommy, when I grow up, I don't ever want to drive because I don't want to crash Daddy's car. I just want Daddy to always drive me around." Knowing we were headed back to the I-don't-ever-want-to-be-an-adult conversation, I asked him to discuss his dream with me again. Same story.

"Mason, Mommy and Daddy will teach you how to drive. You will do great!"

He persisted in that he just wanted Daddy to drive him around forever. Sigh.

Love this kid to death ... and I will say it again ... parenting is a hard thing!

We have been ...

2011-01-21T01:44:00.001-05:00

enjoying snow days.

the kids' charlie brown christmas trees they each decorated

yup, hay bales still left sitting from nika's birthday bash

taking time to enjoy real breakfasts.

doing science experiments.

cleaning and purging.

left over garage sale stuff being donated to a local adoptive family ... makes my heart happy

cuddling.

contemplating ... and designing.

playing.

drummin' (him) and strummin' (me).

sharing love.

eating ~~too much~~ left over candy.

potty training.

wholesaling out inventory ... everything 50% off ... email me with your wish list for details.

wishing it hadn't taken me four days to write just this measly little post that is getting published incomplete. Ha.

Conflicted.

2011-01-14T17:23:00.004-05:00

This morning I came across an article ...

A Promising New Way to Screen for Down Syndrome

Just reading the headline makes me want to hurl, to be honest. And it makes me feel conflicted. Five years ago, I likely would have read this article with curiosity ... I mean, I did not want my unborn child to have Down syndrome.

The thought of it scared me. But I didn't know what I didn't know.

I get frustrated because I love my girls with every ounce of my soul. How could I think something like this is promising or exciting? Is it not essentially an effort to rid this earth of individuals with Down syndrome?

It brings me to tears.

And then there is a part of me that feels like I need to get it. It was the exact shoes I stood in 5 years ago. Now having two children with Down syndrome, I sort of find myself standing in those shoes once again ... you know, if we ever were to have children again. But it isn't because I wouldn't want another Payton or another Nika ... it is because I have my hands full with special needs and I really do not need any more.

So yeah ... as it sit here and type this rambled mess of thoughts ... I think it is different. And the headline still makes me want to hurl.

Rather than backspace a million times and try to explain my thoughts exactly, just watch this ...

Click here to be inspired. And click here to donate.