My heart is breaking tonight. I have been following the blog of a little boy that is in the NICU due to problems after his birth. The little boy's mom mentioned on her blog that there is a baby in the same NICU that was abandoned after the parents learned of the baby's diagnosis. After hearing that, I knew in my heart of hearts that the baby probably has Down syndrome. Turns out I was right.
Why? Why?! Why!?!
I just am having a really hard time understanding how someone can just abandon their baby because it has Down syndrome. And thinking about this reminds me of the 90% abortion rate that occurs when women learn that their unborn child has Down syndrome.
Why? Why?! Why!?!
I don't understand. I just don't get it. Is it scary? Yes. Is it something that is unknown to most people? Yes. Was I scared? Yes. Did I know anything about Down syndrome? No. Was I open to learning about it? Yes! It was my child!
How is it that I am among only 10% of women who are open to learning about Down syndrome after being given a diagnosis? How is it that I am among only 10% of women who are willing to embrace their child, whether or not they are perfect in the eyes of society? How is it?!
I digress. I feel stomped on right now. I feel beaten down. I feel like I'll never win. I feel like I'll never be able to prove to people that my girls are just as normal as every other little girl out there.
My heart is broken.
I am so sorry Bethany. I can't imagine how painful it is for you to hear things like that. I have to admit I was so unaware of Down's Syndrome before reading your blog and YOU have opened my eyes to it and I think that your little girls are just the most precious I have ever seen and they are beautiful. I can't understand the statistics either and how anyone could ever leave or abort THEIR child - it is incomprehensible to me and I have never walked in your shoes, so I can only imagine how much more painful and incomprehensible it is to you. Know that you have been an advocate and have enlightened me so much through your journeys and I am sure I am not the only one who feels that way.
ReplyDelete*HUGS* and may God continue to bless you and your family and those beautiful, wonderful, normal little angels!
Something tells me you are following the same blog that I am. I read the post last night and had the same exact thought - wondering if the baby had DS. I tried to convince myself that really wouldn't happen. My heart breaks right now too knowing it's true.....
ReplyDeleteMy child is my flesh and blood. I truly don't understand someone who can abandon this tiny, helpless, defenseless little person that SHE created and nurtured for 9 months (okay, 10). I'm speechless. If Samantha weren't sleeping quietly right now, I'd go and give her an ENORMOUS hug and kiss. I hope everyone hugs their children tighter today.
ReplyDeleteThat is so sad. I wish more people could know what a blessing children with Down Syndrome are.
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh. They are really gonna miss out, aren't they?
ReplyDeleteI really believe progress is being made - just keep delighting in our children on the blogosphere, in the grocery store, at the park - and know that at least we were brave. And that at least we understand. And that our families will never take a life for granted again.
ReplyDeleteI understand the feeling of being stomped on...but we have hope, and that will make all the difference.
((hugs)) It is something we will never understand. Many things in this world make no sense like murder, rape, child abuse etc. It happens and we don't know why and all you can do about it is keep raising the awareness and try to up that percentage. If someone abandons a child with DS at the hospital purely because they have DS they do not deserve the angel they were given anyways, in the long run it will be better because they may have been treated horrible had those parents kept them. I just hope a lovely adoptive family is found.
ReplyDeleteThat is so terribly sad. I personally don't get it either. I found out about Kaia's dx the day after she was born, and as distraught and upset as I was, the thought of not keeping her NEVER even crossed my mind. I knew nothing about Down syndrome, and thinking into the future scared the crap outta me, but she was mine, and I needed to pull myself together, and deal with whatever life brought me. And I soon learned that I was given a wonderful blessing.
ReplyDeleteI just can't imagine.
BUT, good news (if there IS any good news in this), is that the baby is alive, and there will be wonderful family out there who will give him the wonderful life he deserves.
Thankfully, there are families like us who will always be advocates for people with DS. The parents who left their baby will one day be reminded of that moment at the NICU when seeing families like ours walking down the street hugging and kissing on our beautiful Little Saint's.
ReplyDeleteCan you imagine what the parents told grandparents/friends/aunts/uncles--WOW!!!
Oh, Bethany, I feel your pain! I am so frustrated with the whole thing as well. WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?? They are so sweet. Yet, these parents are scared to death of what it means to them (the NICU parents). But there are people like us that take over and embrace these sweet babies. In my line of work, I have counseled several families and have done follow ups with them and they figure it out. This family just isn't strong enough. It's hard to understand but from my professional experience, I understand. It is only fair that the baby gets what it deserves in life and I guess we should be happy they are going to give the baby a mommy and daddy that truly love him and his extra chromosome! Look at sweet Nika--man I love that girl (and I have never met her!)
ReplyDeleteLearning the termination rate has been the hardest part of my son's diagnosis....to know that 90% of people would choose not to have him, would not want a baby who is so perfect to me. But, in the end, I really do believe that it is their loss. They are missing out on an amazing gift.
ReplyDelete:( I don't have any answers.
ReplyDeleteMy oldest daughter and I were just talking about this last night. I just don't get it. :(
ReplyDelete:*( That's just sick, if you ask me.
ReplyDeleteThat makes my heart sad. :(
ReplyDeleteIt does feel like a slap in the face. Most likely the babe will be better off with parents who truly appreciate and love him. Who knows what this couple who left him is like, there are some real losers out there who make babies (judgmental of me I know).
ReplyDeleteI do hope you know that YOU are definitely making the world a better place for all of our kids just by showcasing how beautiful, amazing and perfect your girls are.
This also makes me sad! I can't imagine leaving my beautiful boy behind... I hope one day the world will start to understand that your child, my child, all our precious children are more alike than different.
ReplyDeleteHad that mother known the love she would feel for her baby, she would never have abandoned her baby. It is so sad that didn't recognise the beautiful gift she was given!
I understand the feeling of wondering if you can take care of a child with Ds (especially if you are surprised by a diagnosis at birth), but I can't imagine giving up my child. I hope the baby finds a loving home with people who treasure him. My heart hurts for the mother that misses out on the miracle of her child.
ReplyDeleteI read that too! It is heartbreaking and you put into words perfectly what I was thinking and feeling!
ReplyDeleteI also was reading another blog about a family adopting and how they had the chance to adopt a child with special needs, but she was VERY adament that she DID not want a chid with problems. WOW....okay I guess, but I can't understand how you could make that call without knowing the reality! I too would have said before Koby I couldn't handle a child with Special needs....but WOW would I have been wrong! Fear of the unknown! Ignorance. Thanks for posting this Bethany!
Ugh, that makes me want to vomit. I hate people, I really do. How on earth can anyone turn away their own child, no matter what their diagnosis? You know I got to thinking the other day, you know how we always hear there are waiting lists to adopt kids in the US with Ds? I was kind of wondering why that is, and my conclusion is that I bet it is because there are so many of these kids aborted, 90% of the known. So I suppose that the only one's up for adoption are those who the parents did not find out until the baby was born (like me) and then decided it wasn't work keeping. SICK SICK SICK!
ReplyDeleteBethany, you have made a HUGE difference . . . for two lives! Payton wasn't disposed of in a hazardous material bag and Nika will never die in an insitution!! And you have NO IDEA how many other lives you are touching through the choices you have made!!
ReplyDeleteAnd as far as that little NICU baby goes, someone somewhere is waiting to adopt that precious little soul! {{{hugs}}}
I felt stomped on too, after reading that. Why do people have to get so caught up in their "perfect" society. makes me sick! These are lives we are talking about. living, human beings...ugh, i think i will go puke now....
ReplyDeleteYep. I wondered the same thing when I read that on her blog. It doesn't surprise me, but it totally breaks my heart.
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ReplyDeleteAnother depressing element are the numbers of trained agencies and adoption specialists within our country who won't work with these families--before or after birth. My husband and I worked independently to find our daughter and heard--more than a hundred times--"We don't work with that kind of baby. Let us know if you decide to adopt a healthy child." It was sickening, to say the least.
ReplyDeleteI wish we could drastically impact the world, but you've completely revolutionized Nika's and the grace and strength that took you across the world to find her will equip both your daughters with what they needs to face the future. All three of your children are so obviously marinated in love...you're raising teachers. It isn't their fault that there will be ignorant people around them with lessons to learn, but trust that you are doing a beautiful job in equipping them with the tools they'll need. What a remarkable mom you are...
I simply can't comprehend that either. I learned of Jack's dx through amnio, and after having him, I found out about the termination rate, and I was absolutely shocked. You're right, it's scary at first but even before that, this is your BABY.
ReplyDeleteI don't get it.
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ReplyDeleteI can't figure it out either. Once Max was born I felt I needed to protect him even more- not abandon him. I feel sorry for the baby but also the parents- they don't even know what they are missing. It still makes me sick though!
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